Oculama

(For SHADOW OF KUDRA)
Taking a precious second off his computer, halting lecturing (aka. fighting and spamming meme reactions pictures) fake chads on the internet, Chad was committing to his one and only daily job; taking her Royal Highness Queen Moose* for her beauty walk. Today, they chose to take a stroll into the City, a good hour away from Chad's actual home, just because the Queen's favorite food, those rainbow bagels with sprinkles, are only available in the big city.

It was very unfortunate that THIS was the exact day an enormous, fucking Kaiju decided it wanted to take a stroll down Central Park as well.

With the bridge leading out of town destroyed and the Queen running off into the chaos, Chad is now stuck in the City with that Kaiju and nowhere to run. . . Not that he would EVER, EVER RUN anyways!! Well, he can’t get out and he can’t leave the Queen to be crushed. So, he’s gonna stay here and do what a true CHAD ALPHA MALE would do; save all the people and appease his future, HUMAN queen - who MIGHT be watching him in the panicking, we-have-better-things-to-do-piss-off-stranger crowd!!

So now, Chad walks freely through the City as well. . . Adding yet another factor in the ever growing list of menaces the poor City is currently facing. He will find the Queen, find HIS Queen too! Aaaand, find that rainbow bagel, new socks, his purpose, his place, his worth. . .

. . . And well, you know, if there is still some time to kill after all that.

Maybe, he can also find himself as well.

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= CHAD!!!
- Performative, approval-seeking, irresolute
+ Considerate, persistent, genuine

Imagine any stereotypical chad in your head, and you have pretty much just met Chad! Chad tries to show charisma by being over-confident, resilience to the point of pure arrogance, and shallowly prioritizes his appearance and self-image above all. Spend a few minutes talking to him, and you will quickly get tired of the conversation going nowhere meaningful!

. . .And then perhaps spend a few more EXTRA minutes with him, and the cracks of his bad act will show. Chad is a very artificial and performative alpha male. Highly rejection sensitive and approval-seeking, Chad has chosen this lifestyle deliberately, believing that it will appease both the ladies and the real alpha men around him. Shake him ever so slightly and his insecurities will make him irresolute and indecisive to the point the conversation becomes even more awkward!!

However, one does not try to get accepted unless they care about the opinions of others. Perhaps the little redemption Chad does have in him is that he does genuinely like people. Chad's desperate need for approval makes him incredibly persistent, even to the point of self-sacrifice at times. White-knighting on the internet is hard to do without some sense of conscientiousness (even if it's skewed), and he will go the extra mile to make one person smile and like him. Even if he is mostly annoying and unhelpful, at least he has some semblance of honesty and genuine care in him. . . Even if it would be better if he had SOME semblance of self-awareness instead.

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Chad is a ✨HUMAN ALPHA MALE!✨
. . . A jobless, shut-in former crypto bro, but hey, AT LEAST HE’S THE ALPHA!!! (Purely self-proclaimed and proven by none.)
Most of his pros and cons rely on the moment as it stems from personality, but a few notable, more specific things are as follows;

PROS:
+CHISELED!
He spends most of the day training in his room, so he is more buff than the average human. You’ll most likely need a lever to pull him away from you physically. . . Or become a hot chick to command him to leave. Progressive!

+COLD TOLERANCE!
Thanks to all his muscle and body fat, he has a high tolerance to the cold. This means he can choose fashion above dressing warmly, like those cute girls who wear mini-skirts on a snowy day. . . Aaand that was just an unrelated, random idiom! Hahahaha.

+GRANNY CHARMER!
Most grannies decide they like him and give him some candy. Well, the grannies he actually gets to talk to are mostly his aunt’s friend. . . But hey, they let him stay at the weekend BBQ parties, so it means they like him, right? (He even gets to stay at the grill! FOR THE WHOLE TIME!!!)

+BUFF. . . MENTALLY!!
All that time spent on the internet borderline stalking those beta incels online sure paid off! Chad is pretty good with technology and surfing the internet. He also has REAL MAN HOBBIES, like tinkering cars, riding bikes, getting that chicken dinner in PUBG and becoming a successful entrepreneur in STYLE SAVVY. . . What? You gotta learn about fashion to talk to the women, you know!

CONS:
-HUMAN!
At the end of the day, how’s a cushion of muscle gonna save you from a fucking Kaiju’s stomp??

-M’LADY’S PAWN!!
Has trouble saying no to the order of a queen (female, feminine leaning, or metaphorical queens) 'cause that’s soooo UNCHAD!! . . . No, it's definitely NOT because he spent most of his life being punted and pushed around by his True Alpha Aunty!! NOT AT ALL!!!!

-ANIMAL ENEMY!!
You see, animals are very intuitive and can tell a beta from an alpha instantly. . . And they can smell Queen Moose’s bearings on this man as well. Most animals decide they either don’t like him or look down on him at first glance.
. . . You could also refer to a human as an 'animal', but alas.

-INDECISIVE. . . VERY SO.
Unless he is putting on an act or given orders by someone, Chad is as useful as that rubble over there waiting to be crushed by Kudra. And as a Kaiju doesn’t distinguish between a rock and human, that second lost debating whether to run or hide might just lead to his demise.

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🐾 Name: Her Royal Highness Queen Moose*
🐾 Gender: ✨Apha Queen✨
🐾 Size/weight: If attitude could be weighed, the Earth would have been shattered eons before that Kaiju came all the way to break it.

🐾 Her Royal Biography:
Her Majesty Shiba, proud, magnificent and sassy; all this dog is missing is an actual crown to be a true Queen. Queen Moose is actually the neighbor's dog, but she chooses to reside in Chad's house as she has her personal slave (aka. Chad) there. She can often be found sitting gorgeously on the couch, sleeping royally in someone's bed, or snapping rigorously at Chad's feet to educate and teach him manners.

However, despite her demeanour and BIG attitude, Moose does actually care for her family. Pretty and kind mom, beer-smelly mom-dad-mom, the ugly fat car. . . And yes, even that annoying and loud ball of muscle over there. Well, perhaps she cares MOSTLY for that ball, as she feels a sense of responsibility to keep that thing safe, knowing how pitiful he is. For a true QUEEN cannot leave her lowly subjects to perish, can she?

So, let it be known to the world that this dog had a grand and good plan to save herself and Chad when she ran off into the crumbling city. Now, all Muscle Ball has to do is keep himself SAFE, HIDDEN, and STAY PUT whilst the Queen attends to her duties. . . But you know, she never did succeed in teaching him 'sit', did she?

*Fun fact: The Queen will not die in Chad’s story because she is a dog (a SHIBA, mind you), and thus indestructible due to the thickest plot armor in the universe.