Oculama

Very straightforward narrative here, but you've nonetheless very neatly fit in a whole slew of death game must-haves while doing a great page-by-page unvailing of just what kind of a person your OC is. All in four pages, which is impressive all on its own!

The overlay of your inks on the still-visible pencils and pencil lines lends a certain instability to the room structure, as well as emphasizing the bareness of the space, which I think has a net-positive effect on the mood you set within this story. It genuinely works for the lion's share of the comic, and I think hits the stride with the final panel of page 4, where the most pronounced tilt of the room comes as the comic confirms just how unhinged Marybelle is.

Speaking of Marybelle, you've taken a more subtle tack with regard to her...emerging proclivities? The shift from genuinely cheery and making friendly, comforting conversation with Sturka to bashing his head in to the seeming horrific/ horrified reaction (A+ face, by the way - really enjoy the doll-cheeks/ shadowed eyes/ thousand-yard stare combo) to the return to a genuine chipperness over her kill is a great sequence and a strong closer to the comic.

Quick kudos also on the targeted color use - I almost wonder if the blood should have been the only source of color, as it's sudden appearance on the stage really does work in selling the suddenness and brutality of Sturka's death. That said, I do like Marybelle's t-shirt design for a few reasons. One, it is almost disarming at first appearance, both a distraction from how out of place her cheeriness is (which, again, does work really well, jtbc), and because once you've read through it almost feels like the shirt design was a reflection/ warning of the unhinged-ness within her, like how a frog's bright colors warn of poison. Those two elements together make me inclined to like the color use for the clothing.

Great, brisk read, and a very good character study for this first round!

There's a ton of elements here that lend strength to this story, which really show how well you know your stuff.

Heck of an opening page, for one. I'd go so far as to say it's the strongest part of the comic, but with the caveat that's in no way a knock on the rest of the comic - it's a solid read all the way through - the opener is just so striking that it's the part I find myself remembering most between reads. A terrific stage-setter for the rest of the action.

Your read on Marybelle's enthusiasm was the less innocuous of the two comics in this matchup, but the decision to highlight the creepiness of her character from the get-go pays off dividends. The slow build-up of tension between her and Sturka, helped mightily by her unwavering expression and the spiel on why Sturka hasn't killed her yet, and smaller touches like the art re-use on page 8, lend her an ever-growing menace that caps off with a catharic unexpectedness when she gets capped in the face from the shadows. That the death feels so unexpected is something not easy to pull off when the reader knows the death is a forgone conclusion, but you got there.

(Unrelated to earlier points, but I also really liked the fence-divider setup - also served as a sort of "monster at the end of this book" tension building that made Marybelle's death hit all the more unexpectedly)

Marybelle's introduction also plays nicely off the mouse intro video that kicks the comic off. Real BR vibes, which I'm guessing was the intent, plus the silly-creepy-cute mascot feels almost like it could be a mascot for Marybelle herself.

Sturka's seeming death (which, honestly, I only don't question because I know this is a tournament) works nicely as both a (potential) chapter one to his death tourney journey, or an appropriately absurd shaggy dog ending, which is not the intended point, but still a point in the comic's favor, imho.

Great stuff overall - genuinely fun read!!

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, This is like the gold standard of death games comics right now. There is a crisp and coldness to everything that works very well for this setting. I am intrigued as to how you move forward from here but im sure youve got it all planned out already. Highlights def gotta watching Marrybelle be the biggest weirdo, you show cased just how much of a freak she is and put her out of her misery. I felt like you couldve made that kill a bit more brutal, its on the edge for me, could have a bit more weight to the action itself. For a headshot there is surprisingly fewer things exiting her cranium than expected, but im never going to complain about watching someone get shot in the head. Excited to see where you go with him, did not picture him as a killer before all of this so excited to see if we'll actually see struka get serious, if that ever happens. Dude could be dead for the rest of the tournament for all I know. You and your sneaky cliffhangers. Great Job!

Its a good start but I think you needed a few more weeks to really get into it. In the future and i'm sure you know already but I'd invest in a better eraser in the future. Some of the pencils look like they havent even tried to be erased yet, it renders the comic kind of sloppy and unfinished, something which can be easily fixed. In terms of your writing and dialogue I think that's what would benefit the greatest from just a bit more time in the oven (I know its hard when you're working with such a tight deadline). There's one really weird line which kind of comes out of no where that seems super out of place, the "Oh you're a guy so it's probably not anything too weird" and the subsequent one just seem so out of place for the tournament (and the site for that matter). While a few weird lines wouldnt hurt your score too much (hell we all write some bad dialogue every now and then), your pacing as a whole could use some extra work. Sturka kind of just dies, no real build up towards the death, just talking for a few pages before realizing someone has to die. It's lack luster. If you add more to it, build the scene proper you'd have a much more satisfying end. It's a good start would be interesting to see what you'd be able to come up with if you had a bit more time and were able to polish off some of the rougher edges. Good job

i liked basically everything except that Sturka wasn't the one to kill the opponent? That just felt a bit deflating hahaha. The narrative having essentially been "solved" by someone we cant even see and someone we likely wont know until later, it just felt off. I get that this is, in all likelihood, some kind of build up to a larger narrative throughout the rounds, i just was not a fan of it. Especially since its a third party that swoops in and takes both characters out when i feel like that completely cut off a proper confrontation between two opposing ideas, and also it cheapens the idea of a death game if any of the mysterious runners are just going to drop in and kill people for you.

Everything else was classic Eric work though, its refined to the point where its almost hard to say anything about it.

i felt as if the biggest gripe i had with the comic is that for having such a small page count, any and all restating and re iteration of the same information the audience has had before is going to waste a lot of time in the comic. Page 1 and 3 restating how the games work, and having the mysterious game-runner take up page space and interrupting the exchange between both characters that could have been built up throughout the entire comic is taking away from the comic's potential to explore as much as it can between both characters.

Eric, fantastic job as usual. Your art always looks so print-ready. Really smart choices on the backgrounds btw especially on the latter pages. You didn't need to draw a lot but it's so effective that the scene and atmosphere still felt complete.

I love how cinematic this is. You got me invested in Sturka's story from the get-go and I was legit creeped out by Marybelle's cheerfulness. The only thing I did not like was how they both died at the end :'( and I was hoping to find out more about the killer. But I guess that was the intent that it could be anyone. I hope Melissa was left with plenty of food!

Overall, another great entry from you! I enjoyed it a lot!

Mr-Apotheosis - Your entry is kind of rough around the edges but I am glad you were able to submit an entry! Uploading a traditional comic to an online media is not an easy task for sure but you managed to do it. Perhaps it might be a good idea to invest in markers so you can cover more spot blacks and save time as a result. Plus it can also help give your comic a more complete look. I do like the pop of red and colors that you were able to add here and there.

I am not sure where Marybelle found the rock that she used to kill Sturka with though. Marybelle's reaction to killing Sturka was so chilling (I thought I saw a flicker of guilt for a second but it quickly diminished and replaced by excitement). I like the storytelling potential of that!

First, I've got to say, I absolutely LOVED the art on display here! Things were perfectly dark and eerie and Marybelle felt as unhinged as she was meant to be.

Wasn't too big on the writing at the beginning, but as the chapter progressed, everything just fell into place, and by the ending I found myself wanting more. With the way you left Sturka at the end of your story, I'm curious to see what you pull to keep him ready for the next round.

The story was only 4 pages and it didn't really leave a lot of room to see proper character work or tell a story. At the very least, Marybelle's immediate response and the reaction to her actions felt so in character that I couldn't help but have this stupid grin plastered on my face.

That said I can't really give a good review here with the page count being as low as it is. A bit of advice I would like to give is to try writing the speech bubbles before drawing the content in a panel. It'd prevent things like having your art clipped out by them.

what a fantastic start to the tourney, and just overall gorgeous comic. Well done, really solid through and through.
Writing was good, paneling and layout flowed nicely, and it was well inked and shaded. I liked the deep teal hue.
That ending especially left me going 'oh Damn, What next?"
I liked the overall story set up, and the character interaction was really nice.
Any critique I have at this moment would just be fussy over the details.
Good work man, Looking forward to more!

what a fun comic!
Set up was right to the point, and I appreciated the interaction between the characters, especially them talking about their fur babies back home.

I liked your speech bubble placement, though it got a little squished at times. Then ending joke was really good, "I just killed a man...I can't wait to tell bestie!" gave me a smile.
My only big critique were at some points in the comic, due to the roughness of the lines it got a little hard to tell what things were suppose to be (example, page 3, last panel, I'm not sure if those are Marybelle's legs or something else)
Thank you for submitting a comic for us to read, and I look forward to more comics from you in the future!

I like the atmosphere you put in this comic. Out of all the entries it feels like the most realistic and terrifying of the death games. The narration is an interesting choice but I'm not sure I get it's purpose. It feels more like it's filling empty space rather than adding to the story unless...well I'll keep that to myself for now ;^) I really loved the way you portray Marybelle as a character though I wish she had gotten a little more time to show her stuff before getting sniped.

I really like the character of Marybelle. The way you wrote her as someone who can go from socialable to sociopath on the word 'go' was the fun kind of whiplash I love to see in a death game contestant! While the art was a little hard to follow it was never to the point I couldn't understand what was going on. One thing I wasn't able to find out was what Maybelle beat Sturka to death with. Was it a toilet? I hope so.

An incredible level of polish on display here, especially considering the length of the comic. The story has me feeling a little apprehensive, while you definitely captured Marybelle's character extremely well in this comic (huge fan of her debut panel) her role in the story feels mostly like just exposition and it seems like no matter who your opponent was, they would have just as easily slotted into this role in the story, especially given the extremely impersonal deus ex machina death. Overall the whole comic feels like a prologue before a "real round" starts, but that's not to say I'm not excited for the next one.

A nice comic, although the sudden resolution makes me wonder if time constraints were an issue. The editing together of the pencil art and the digital panel lines and speech bubbles could be done a little more elegantly, and frankly if you are going to commit to the pencils, then having the png graphic on Marybelle's shirt is a bit needless and glaring, but overall I enjoyed this comic, though it's a bit unclear what exactly Marybelle uses at the end of the comic to bludgeon Sturka to death.

I absolutely love the teal on this and the way you used it combination with negative space to make stuff like the chain link fence. There's a lot of clever shortcuts here that don't detract from the whole, like reusing the mascot, Marybelle's face, or one of Sturka's walking poses. I really enjoyed Marybell's characterization. We obviously know she's gonna die by the end of the comic, given that this is a tourney, but she'd be one of those characters in a regular comic I'd be upset about dying so early. She brings a fun deranged energy to it.

I don't have much to say beyond some nitpicks, but I'll give those in case they help: The panel of Sturka adjusting his glove on page 5 is great but that combined with the placement of the dialogue bubble leads my eyes to completely overlook the panel before it. I think that one needed to be way taller. As a fellow lover of excessively bolding letters, I think it usually works fine in your comic, but sometimes it puts an odd emphasis in the sentence. I think it's best to read it out loud to see if emphasizing those words sounds right when spoken. Though I'd suggest not using both italic by itself (like with "All smiles?") if you're already using bold for emphasis elsewhere, since it's not as clear in your font and it's a bit unclear what emphasis it's supposed to convey.

All around fantastic comic, though. I enjoy the classic Battle Royale-style premise and it's fun seeing it end on a classic cliffhanger. Good way to get the ball rolling on a presumed action series despite the first chapter being mostly talking.

I think the simple setup works fine and having the two of them engage in banal conversation about cats before the violence starts is a great breather, especially for the way Marybelle explodes into violence without hesitation. Her personality has a great contrast to drive home just how unhinged she is. A few more panels of Sturka panicking before he's brained would sell the pacing and whiplash better, though. As it is we get rushed through the announcement and Sturka's panic which makes the beat down a bit anticlimactic.

If you don't have scanner there's a few ways to get cleaner scans with a phone, but you're going to need to get some better lighting to do it, an app or a better photo editor, and will need clean up your sketches. The way they're photographed is a bit distracting when reading. Even with the time constraint, some of the shortcuts (the way the host's mask is filled in with a scribble or the un-erased sketches) come across as lazy. I can't really tell what she's hitting him with, for instance. The perspective is all over the place, though I liked the ambitious shot through the door on the first page.

Big fan of the limited palette combined with the textured brushes you use. Super solid first round and I liked the contrast between Mary’s bubbliness and Sturka's seriousness. My only nitpick is some panels were reused, and while that isn’t a bad thing, they were exactly the same so you possibly could have saved a bit of time by combining the panels to just add on additional details or a text bubble or two. Otherwise, everything was awesome!

I never know everybody’s tools of the trade, but I’m guessing most of these are pictures taken with a phone. They’re varying shades of either yellow or blue with some shadows in the corners of different panels. I’d suggest playing around with the levels or brightness to boost the lightness of your images, or taking pictures in natural sunlight, it can really help. It’s not very clear what Mary picks up to bonk Sturka on the head, maybe in the future you can spend a bit more time polishing up things so the readability goes up.