Oculama

Very quick comic, especially for 16 pages this went by real fast. Very interesting one as well, it reads more as a glimpse at Rajang's day and struggles. Which is interesting as it's not something that we get very often. You do sideline Leucis a bit but they are y'alls character so it's all fine. I'm not the biggest fan of torching Xylem as their introduction and realistically giving them nothing in the comic. I think you could have given some time to showcase Beekeepers and Xylems dynamic and relationship at the start of the comic so the moment where Rajang torches Xylem hits stronger emotionally since we've seen the characters before. The art is very fun, I love the water colour that you use throughout, it think it shines the best in those darker pages especially during the burning of Xylem. Great job on this you two!

I think y'all have brought out the Beekeepers personality in full force in this. You set up everything you need to in this comic and I can see the future of these two playing out already. Beekeeper picking up baby Xylem who is just an ugly spud is hilarious. Y'all already know it but you got the one page which is still pretty sketchy, but its not as bad as the page is still coloured and still very readable. I would just watch out for that in the future. All in all very solid work from you two, I do believe Beekeepers and Xylems father daughter relationship is one of my favourit dynamics out of everyone in the tournament. Wasn't expecting yall to take that route but I know that if yall get the very very end that final comic where Xylem and Beekeeper have to come to terms and fight will be a doosy. Great job yall!

The art style of this comic is simple but expressive; I find the textures used for the shading to be very nice-looking and they give more "depth" to the artwork, if that makes sense. I do wish the backgrounds were more detailed; Something like the garden in page 4 would've been perfect for the rest of this comic.

Writing-wise it felt kinda bland to me. The mystery of the "buzzing" is interesting but Xylem and Beekeeper don't really have an impact in the story (other than Xylem being Rajang's victim and Beekeeper being someone for Leucis to kill)--- It feels like they could've been replaced with any other character from this tournament without having to change anything.

If it's Xylem's bees that were causing the initial "buzzing", I feel like that could've been established early on in the comic. Maybe Rajang walks by beekeeper's garden and the buzzing intensifies, which leads to him later breaking into said garden and killing Xylem.

This comic is fun to read overall and each beat flows nicely. I just wish there was more to it.

The artwork here is also quite simple, but relatively clean and colored which I think elevates the artwork for me. I also find it interesting how the art style gets "sketchy" right after beekeeper starts seeing double and passes out; it was probably not intentional but I think it works with that particular moment of the story.

The lettering is fine, but there are a few moments where the text starts touching the borders of the bubbles too much or drifts away from one side of the bubble too much (page 5 panel 1, page 8)

Writing-wise I am very very invested in the relationship between Xylem and Beekeeper, haha. The comic does a good job of establishing beekeeper's motivations and his father-daughter dynamic with Xylem; It also does a good job of showing the dynamic between Rajang and Leucis and makes you care about them before they get killed.
The ominous ending is the cherry on top for me; I want to find out *why* Xylem's species is invasive and what happens when it reaches the pollination stage.

Good comic! Just remember to clean up your lineart a tad more.

Off the bat, I like the quick clip this comic moves at - the pacing is probably the strongest suit of the comic. It commits to an almost fevered lens through Rajang, giving us first-row seats to a killers POV.

The contrast between Leucis' and Rajang's temperaments comes across very effortlessly in your comic - the manic and the stoic gulf sets the tone of the comic nicely, and makes the fact that it's a comic about Rajang cracking all the more striking.

You also showcase a notable sensibility for constructing your storytelling to heighten the feeling of horror throughout the comic. The panel compositions facilitate that mood nicely - I especially like the wider shots in the pillared room - a combination of the framing and the lighting (the fire effect on Rajang's face early on was a highlight).

Rajang comes across as a true sociopath here - that the lives of the other crew members are disposable to him based purely on annoyance and his own quality of life is clear and chilling. The other characters simply don't matter to him beyond whether they inconvenience or irk him in the moment. This goes a long way in setting his character at odds with Leucis', as the latter only shows joy and concern for others throughout the comic. It also helps make it more notable to the reader that he does seem to think longingly of Leucis when he thinks he's going to die, and that Leucis' presence, which would otherwise seem a bit too high-strung for a character like Rajang, doesn't bother him that much.

Enjoyed seeing your work this round; keep it up!

I was really curious how your characters in particular would interact with the horror theme of the tournament, and I was not disappointed.

I like the variety of ways the comic frames Xylem, metaphorically and literally, and how that variation of perspectives informs the viewer's perspective of her. She goes from slightly menacing and off-putting to seeming genuinely vulnerable and sad after what happens to Leucis, to feeling like she's on a genuine start of darkness (which may or may not be an actual start, as the voiceover adds a distinct menacing air) when BKC instructs her to eat the body.

Another part of the comic I enjoyed was how much of a genuine tragedy of circumstances the events are driven by, even though all the deaths are caused directly by some character's decision. BKC's treatment of Xylem like a child and failure to communicate with her about the deadliness of her honey since it hasn't mattered with just the two of them onboard is a fairly obvious setup, but it's obvious in a way that heightens the reader's experience, since we're dreading the other shoe dropping the entire time.

I was impressed with the execution (eheh) of the deaths in this comic. Having Leucis' body found so abruptly, with the explanation given therefor after the fact, was a cool choice that benefited the flow of the comic, and having Rajang executed by an outside force was both unexpected, yet done in a way that fits the space horror conceit of the tournament perfectly.

VERY impressed with this comic overall; it showcases both of your respective growths in the comic-craft, and makes me eager to see your talents and developed skills blossom further :)

PS - I love the design of BKC's ship so SO much.

starting off with your strengths, character art and expression is great, your enjoyment of that aspect of this is clear to see. And while short, there is enough punch in the darkness of the comic's narrative that has me intrigued for where this can lead down the line. The alarming malice inside rajang is palpable and makes it easy to worry for tian's well-being

The two notes I have are with the handwriting lettering (feels rushed/unpolished) and minimal background work/low diversity of compositions and shot angles; if these are byproducts of struggling with the time limit that's understandable and relatable, and something y'all will get better at over time in future comics down the line

good first round entry!

There's a real good slow burn pace to the horror here and you've got a compelling hook with the juxtaposition of a tender parental relationship and the real danger xylem purportedly presents. it looks like time was on your tail with some of these pages, if you work again for future comics I would look at seeing if you can implement some shading/light rendering to fill up your panels and add some extra dimension to the work. Good show all in all

Really enjoy the tones of this comic. The chunky swathes of greyscale to denote depth and the white for sources of light were simple but effective in setting your mood. I also admire you didn't shy away from taking the time to infuse pacing with that blackout page once Rajang passed out. There's also the panel dedicated to taking a beat to show Rajang sighing in relief. You two have a handle on timing that I think is important when trying to build up an atmosphere and tone in a comic.
There's alot that wasn't shown or explained by way of the mysterious buzz, what was burned and why our box headed citizen is so distraught it comes to blows. I think as readers we infer knowing you're in a tourney, but even knowing that I feel this comic needs more context for it to really bring your intents to target. This story had the makings of what I think was some good psychological horror that I think lack of information left me more puzzled than spooked.
Comics are very show don't tell, which is rather funny as part of the medium does rely on written dialogue. That said, I don't know who your characters are with this comic. I don't see your point of view as to who your opponents are. This tournament is a great vehicle to put forth your combined point of view but also introduce us to the duo who'll be going on this journey. I'm not certain that landed.

What an interesting duo and even more intriguing comic. Not the story I expected, but was pleasantly surprised to see such an unassuming duo turn out to be really creepy!
Things like Beekeper running in urgency, or Rajang getting shot feel a bit static, and the full impact of the violence depicted could do with less exacting posing, but more of a flow of gesture. That would also denote movement in scenarios where I'm sure you want to add that extra oomph to your events.
It is rather easy to turn your comic into multiple panels of talking heads, so I appreciated the variety of dynamic angles you infused page to page. Not to mention compositions that didn't rely on focusing on the face like Rajangs boots walking into the foreground on page 4. added weight to what was happening that used the characters whole body as a stage to get the mood you wanted to depict across. I also appreciated how you depicted your opponents. I got to know them and care about them before you wrenched my heart out with your story's dastardly business. Well done.
Dispatching one of your opponents by being nice and sharing food has got to be one of the more heartbreaking ways to kill someone in a tournament. The fact it didn't even happen 'on screen' and was just explained by a distraught Xylem was great. Oh I hoped to see a payoff panel where we see Xylem eyeing up their grisly new meal and you didn't disappoint. the drool of honey was a great last touch to add some unsettling sweetness to an otherwise grim scene.

Love the art style chosen for this comic! I personally am a fan of thick line-art, and you were clearly aware of the amount of detail you needed to put in to communicate objects. I particularly like the backgrounds on page 4, and how you drew the leaves of the vines. On top of that, the light faux watercolour wash on everything adds so much charm.
That being said, you did a lot of show don't tell, but I feel like there could've been a bit more telling. I think the motivations for burning Xylem are a little bit lost on me. Logically, I know she was probably making the noise driving Rajang crazy, but it doesn't feel believable/make logical sense that she would be the cause of the sound. Perhaps there is some insanity going on, but once again it could've been communicated better.
You did have some elements writing wise that were working. Having it stuck on on Rajang's POV, and then having the blinking in and out while implied story beats are handing is a nice element (maybe shortened down a little bit, but I liked the idea). I also liked the mild comedy happening, with Rajang now experiencing another noise he will have to deal with in the next comic (potentially).

For a 10 page comic, you covered all your based and wrapped things up pretty well while also keeping things short and sweet. I appreciate the exposition at the beginning, you manage to explain the Beekeeper's motives for keeping Xylem while also not taking away from the rest of the story.
The art skills are weaker compared to your writing skills. I think one area you could improve somewhat easily on that would do a significant boost to the quality of your work is to study perspective a little bit, specifically where you should place your horizon line for the backgrounds. Also having some kind of grid, or any pattern, on the ground will also help improve the illusion of depth and better be able to place where the character's are in a space.
Overall, the pieces are there to make a good comic. Your panels are layed out in an easy to understand way, and you showed the right beats for each panel. Your drawing skills just need to improve, which will with practice and time. Just keep on making more art.

first off you did an amazing job with the different greyscale and brush tones! they are splendid and I love them! the quick follow through on the setup and closeout work pretty well but do leave a lot of holes to some of the plot points. The buzzing and how Rajang knew where to find where it was coming from and xylem was the cause of it, the sudden appearence of beekeeper and her as a whole may have been better explained with a page of 2 more of setup. The fight exchange was great and well thought out but I think Rajang blurring out right when Leucis came to help makes it a bit uncertain if beecaptain is dead or not but I do definitely like the jumping around from moment to moment behind Rajang's perspective and think thats worth exploring a bit more in the next round as a story device hopefully with Leucis at some points as well

your story setup is crazy strong and I have no real criticism to give in that regard you really made me feel for bee captain and xylem even though I can already tell that the story isnt gonna end well for either of them :( but it was nice for a brief little bit to see them with the dad and child relationship! I think you did a great job using both of your opponents OC's to push the narrative while incorporating their traits and backgrounds quite well and they acted totally in line with how I assumed the train wreck was gonna get started :) bravo and looking forward to next round