Oculama

Ooooh! This is a very intriguing build-up. The color pages make for a great prelude, and I like how you've got Grace's job ramping cleanly into a confrontation.

My quick and easy suggestion for improvement going forward would be to linger a little longer over your text. A second round of chops and proofing will help you eliminate some of the punctuation/spelling/spacing errors, and format your speech bubbles in a way that's worthy of the story you're telling.

Nice work on the continuity from fishtick's previous round. The nods to the theme park and the messenger orb were very smoothly included and highly enjoyable ;) The callbacks to inaugural characters were a lot of fun too; and helped make this story feel so much more like part of the burgeoning ocu-verse~

This is a very ambitious story, and it has a lot of really strong beats to it that elevate it above a lot of OCT narratives. Sparrow gets to take part in a bit more high-stakes/dramatic sort of adventure, and overall I think it's a great fleshing out. I LOVE the whole conceit of Galain giving Sparrow the gun to defend other innocents, and then it turning out she needs the gun to protect herself from others. One bit I grappled with is why Gilgard (assuming they are the danger throughout the comic) is so feared by Sparrow as undefeatable, and is able to cut through others, but be defeated by what feels like relatively mundane means and no particular special firepower. The story still works regardless, but it did leave me scratching my head. In any case, I think you wrote a pretty strong story here, and I'd love to see a polished version if it's in the cards.

Even if you didn't get to complete the comic, this is still an impressive piece of work. 19 pages!? in a Week!? hot damn fishstick! I also think you handled the tonal transition between your comics much better than you think. Well done. I think the way you handled GiLgArD was very cool and I really like the way you handled your action sequences. Im taking notes!
Overall, the only critique i'd really have at this point is Id really would like to see it a bit more finished up or polished.But, it's a week long and what you did was still very impressive.

Im really enjoying the stories you are creating and im looking forward to more comics from you!! I cant wait!

Alright Xeno! I think you did some good work in this one! First off, that first panel with Sparrow looks lovely. You did a really nice job rendering that, and I think that big, dramatic splash panel on page 2 is very nice!
You're pacing with your lettering improved with this one, though I will say page 4 was pretty cramped still and a little overwhelming with text, and some of your layouts got a little hard to follow.

But I really enjoy your action and it always feels like its so much fun and you try to bring a lot of big dramatic energy to your powers and fights. I really like that!
I would have liked to see the comic finished, but with one week events like this, it happens and you have to make due. I really liked what you did do for this though, and I'm always looking forward to seeing what you do next!

Oh it's a shame that both of you didn't get to complete your comics but also oh boy 19 pages in a week is a hell of a lot to accomplish. Really happy that you were able to at least get sketches out and were able to tell your story fully. Loved the serious take on this comic though, compared to the first one being very light hearted and comedy focused this has such a sick dramatic sense of danger. I'm really invested in Sparrow and Charlie right now, it's a shame this is a death tournament and theres a chance they dont make it out alive cause I just want to learn more about them. Finally my god the panel of Charlie with the gun in its mouth is so adorable. I will kill for Charlie. Great job

Like I said to fishstick I really wished that yall were able to get your comics done, but it is what it is. still submitting what you have is better than not submitting anything, do hope youre feeling better. That final panel on the second page is fucking BALLER, the silhouette and the red rim lighting is suppppper hype, loved that. You really gotta look out for how you place your text bubbles in your panels and just on your page, there are multiple pages in which it's incredibly hard to follow what to read. Page 4 is all over the place and like I understand that page is alot of like talking about cameos and other characters and doesnt have any big importance but it's super confusing and kinda takes me out of it. Same goes with the top of page 5, I didnt even consider to read the bottom 3 paragraphs in the order you intended me to read them because of how and where they were placed and how the rest of the dialogue moves your eyes in a completely different way. Fixing stuff like that will help your comics a lot and would be great to see because you have some really great art in here.

This was yet another really enjoyable read!! I really like the darker tone in this one compared to the last round. It just shows that sparow has some intresting depth to her.

I am slightly confused at what time this takes place.It's a bit unclear so I'm going to assume it's a prequal through her how she talks. It was also at times hard to tell what was going on due to it's sketchy ness. But I understood better the second time I read.

I will also say good job with working in GiLgArD Lore. It feels like they are part of the same story. Over all I feel like this was a good prequal story.

I really like some of the art work you did here. It's very solid and intense at time. I really loved the buring village at the start.

I found it hard to understand the flow of the text bubbles. Espically on the first page and page four, since I don't know which way to read them. Unfortunately you didn't manage to finish, right before both your characters meet. I am abit confused with where she got her super cleaning powers but that's a small nitpick.

I think you did a pretty good job with showing of sparrow. it Shows that you are really invested with the character and put thought into her living situation.

Alright I've got no clue where to start, so I'll tackle the topics in the order displayed above the review text box:
The artwork on the first 5 pages was great (and even though there was a shift in quality afterwards, I still felt the pages afterwards got the message across just fine and were still very pleasant to look at; plus I can't raise a finger at you for not finishing 19 damn pages), especially detail-wise. I do feel the need to affirm my love for crowded settings and side-characters with this comic. It does remind us there's other people living in the Junction other than the 2 brawling in your comic.
Which will help me slide into writing: Galain of the evening star was a very nice touch, having named mooks that hold titles/feats as high as the OCs themselves was really great, and the starting pages also got me wondering what'll happen in the future.

Your artwork's crisp and lovely, I'd even go as far as to say the lack of color on the later pages isn't even felt with the sharp linework and quality. The dynamic panels also do great work for the comic. The quantity of detail is on point throughout the comic.
As for writing, it's fantastic, I need to point out how well you tied the 2 character together and offered expoisition on both in one fell swoop. The dialogue (and messages) was also written well and remained interesting to read up until the end. The end which might be the elephant in the room when it comes to critique. You put a lot of work and love into the rest of the comic, and might I say perhaps too much; as I personally would have been more delighted for a rougher finished comic than your lovely buildup that lacks the kill and action. Obviously no one can blame you for not finishing under your circumstances, but perhaps ambitions were a tad too high.

Its very hard to judge this comic there are a lot of cool ideas here but in the end there is an over abundance of visual noise and it just happens the flow of this comic its hard to know where to go and what to read next and find your way through a comic and the longer a reader spends trying to figure out how to read the comic the less time they are just absorbing the entire things, this feels like a book I have to read several times over just to know what order to read and not to mention it is un finished so I think technically breaks the rules of a death match where you have to show your opponent dying. There is some great stuff here but like I do really like the focus on Sparrows work out routine and start to her day but the rest of it just drags sooo much. I really recommend studying some layout for panels and how speech bubbles are placed from some books like Making Comics
by Scott Mccloud. Your works shows a ton of potential if just focused a bit more.

I think this comic does a lot really well and like all comics misses some things, I feel this was a very ambitious comic and may have had some idea bloat when it came to actually getting everything down. It is really cool to see whats done, your expressions and how you draw a characters eyes are so beautiful and fun to see and I think that even translates to your sketches at times it feels like your art starts at the eyes and expressions and then goes out from there and is very fun to see, but a lot of the more sketchy stuff especially your opponent's character is hard to make out. Overall this was a fun and personally dramatic comic but I feel maybe dial it back a little because this was nearly 20 pages for a week.

An ambitious story to be sure! I appreciate that you took the time to finish up the dialog of the comic. Finishing text first is good practice, especially if the story wasn't planned to be a silent one. The comic being unfinished didn't harm it much, your sketches are already quite good in terms of readability. Only a few panels here and there felt like they were missing the final polish for that extra push to coolness. It would be good to focus on scope when planning in the future, five out of nineteen pages being finished is still a little low, even with a complete story.

You really need to work on your speech bubbles, placement and grammar. It's better to shape the bubbles around the words instead of trying to squeeze the words into an unfitting space. Trying to follow the words around a page like an adventure can be fun, but not when the position of the bubbles is questionable on a regular page. There are specific tutorials about this sort of thing that might be worth checking out. The colors and lighting are great, it would've been nice to see more. Getting sick is unfortunate, but even so if you planned to do that much in the last 24 hours... Keeping scope creep in mind might be helpful. A complicated story like this one can be great if it's actually given the time it needs.

even unfinished this one was pretty easy to follow! I felt the characters emoted fairly well and had interesting motion to them. I think the one part that was harder for me to read was near the beginning where the soldiers were fighting. And at first I couldn't tell what had happened to the pilot. Other than that, I had a pretty good time! I enjoyed the denoument, the use of the little bug to fetch the gun (loved the panel where he was holding it hehehe). I also liked the joke about having to do paperwork at the end.

interesting premise and way of introducing the characters! It's too bad you couldn't finish, but it sounded like it had an interesting plot. I think maybe this plot was just a bit long and complicated for such a short battle. I did really love seeing sparrow's cleaning power and the brief introduction the two characters had to each other. The full color was really impressive in those first few pages, though sometimes the shadows could feel a bit muddled. I actually felt a lot of the black and white pages showed off your drawing skills better. Anyway, looking forward to seeing more in the future.

What an opening. That single first page could be a story on its own and hold just as much grim weight to it. Its a great thematic motif to frame your tale around and ambitious to boot. and speaking of ambition- nineteen pages! You are a mad lad. I commend you on taking a stab at such an epic tale despite the time crunch. I also wouldn't beat yourself up too badly about it. Take it as a positive that you managed five really crisp and stellar pages and not to mention some really legible and consistent pages in progress. Now you know what you're capable of in a weeks time. Capitalize on that and frame a story round those limitations.
I really hope you finish this because your concept is really intriguing. I'd love to see what a polished version looks like!

Intense dangerous color from the outset. I love that before even reading the word bubbles things ain't right and its all going up in flames. Also neat that the two of you took on concepts of battle and went different directions with it. Way to jerk us back to reality with a different color palette as we wake up to a coldly lit room. I definitely would liked to see what your color story would've been throughout your tale and see how it would've thematically changed. Still your black and white pages aren't slouches. the attack on the bottom panel of page seven is inspired. Nice Moses parting of the waters but make it janitorial lol
I hope you're fighting fit by the time you read this. Lovely work!

NINE. TEEN. PAGES? I thought, surely, some of these must be filler or something. But you did. NINETEEN? PAGES? IN A WEEK? My arm feels sympathy pains! Even with most of it being rough still, that's a ton of work to put in. Your story is v well told, even with the looseness of your line work. Your poses and camera angles feel very interesting and dynamic, I wanna make my comics more like that! It makes me wish your pages could be more complete, if I had anything I could really critique, it might just be work on editing down your stories for your deadlines lol Great work powering through what you did wowowow

Super bummer you got sick! The pages that you did get to finish look super cool, it's awesome seeing your pages in full color like that! Especially page one and two, with all the war crimes. V cool rendering style there! I think you have a lot of really fun ideas happening here. It's funny how you both made Sparrow part of his backstory. I also like how many references to past fights and characters you fit in here, it makes Sparrow feel like part of a bigger world. (Plus I just love OCT worldbuilding! She's friends with Clyde! I LOVE CLYDE!) One thing I think could help with your comics is putting a bit more thought into where you're trying to lead your reader's eye. You tried a lot of cool layouts that I think could use a little more finessing (or may have been better if you got to color the whole thing, it happens) but also, some of your word bubble placements weren't ideal. Looking at the top of page 5, it was a little hard to tell where Sparrow was inserting her comment into the conversation. It's better to have them arranged so that it's clear what order to read each bubble in. All in all though, even with being sick, what you did get done is cool! Can't wait to see more!!

Fishstick - Whoaaa this was an ambitious attempt! 19 pages! It's totally understandable that it is unfinished. Your sketches are very readable even in their roughness. Of course I would've preferred a more finished piece but I was still able to understand what is going on and follow the story. The scenes are very tense and action pack but Sparrow's character is still able to shine through. And even though you depicted Gilgard as a terrifying threat, I felt the 'human' side of him peek through a bit in there. I actually felt for Galain as well! You're so good at making characters so sympathetic and believable.

Again, despite its unfinished state, I am SO glad we did not miss out on this wonderful story you wanted to tell!

Xeno - That intro WOAHH! Red hot! Pages 1-3 colors were frikkin amazing. I wanna see more of that from you haha. But I understand how they are so time consuming. (I know this as someone who also likes to render the heck out of my comics). Anyhow, page 4 voice mails had me cracking up. Very clever use of cameo-ing some Oculama characters. I enjoyed those a lot. Love the backstory you also put together with Sparrow and Gilgard and I am so sorry you got sick while working on this battle. I hope you're feeling much better now! What you had really looked great and I think is a definite improvement from your last entry!