Oculama

This comic was visually impressive, great work on the art! There's definitely weirder places to have a fight, but I guess a fighting ring on an asteroid in space is a pretty good place to start! I liked the analogy between Gigi and Kani being between a rabbit and a jaguar (even if the final page image of the "rabbit hunting the jaguar" was unintentionally a bit funny). The dialogue was also a treat, having Gigi throw a whole barrage of disses at Kani. The fight was also well-choreographed, I liked the effect of a striking limb being a blur of lines to imply motion. Great work overall!

This was excellent! The art was really simplistic but also easy to read and eye catching. The lineart also had a messy/sketchy look to it, which I really enjoyed. The effects used for the fighting were simply and easy to follow. Already Gigi is a very fun character to read about! Honestly it's hilarious seeing her be such a cold-stone bitch that's able to (most of the time) back up her rudeness. Really, I don't have much criticism to give. For your first comic on Oculama this is really excellent, and I can't wait to see whatever bullshit Gigi gets up to next!

Very good scene setting here; there's a skillful economy of detail here, where nothing is nesc masked, but the setting and movement of the action from interior to exterior comes across very cleanly. I think there are a few spots (mostly in the deep background panels) where the art tends *slightly* further the the sketchy side than would best serve the comic, but there's no deal breakers there, imo. Your dialogue is pretty sharp as well, and tells your story without any wasted breath, conveying the personalities at play skillfully. Nice work on mixing some solid fisticuffs with an important moral: always tip, or you'll get a split lip!

Great work on the layouts on this one, both re: the page construction and the individual panel compositions. Altogether it does an effective job and making the reader feel like they're closer than ringside, right in the heat of the fight. One thing that might really streamline the flow of action would be trimming down on some of the dialogue; once I hit around page 5, there look to be a few opportunities to cull the spoken text down to the bare essentials, just so there's nothing slowing down the (excellent) action. Really good stuff overall; I especially like how you're able to sell-the one-sidedness of the fight both before and after the reversal.

Rikun - Grats on your first Oculama comic! Though I would've loved to see a more finished comic from you, I still had a lot of fun reading your side of the battle (while learning an important life lesson about tipping XD) It's also great to see an older Itami taking on teaching a younger martial artist. But yeah as a point of crit, I'd say time management is the key but I like how clear everything is regardless. I think you did a great job of making this both a battle comic and an introduction to Gina as well. She's got such a fun and big personality that would sure get her into a lot of trouble and (mis)adventures.

Kani - I love how you embraced these two characters' brawler fighting style. I thought the metaphor between the bunny and the jaguar was pretty cool too. You also did great illustrating the impact of each hit in those panels. As for points of improvement, I think cleaner lines, value studies, and just more anatomy practice would help your semirealistic style in no time! Also, try experimenting with spot blacks and see how you like it. Your animal drawings are so well done by the way. Page 11 splash page was a heavy hitter in more ways than one. I *felt* that XD

This was a lot of fun to read Rikun! A Really great start with Gina's strong fiery personality Personality, as well showcasing she is till a bit of brat. I liked how you portrayed Kani and I liked your dialogue between the two of them.
I really enjoyed your panel layouts for this! They flowed really easily and worked very well with your action shots!

I think really the biggest thing i'd have to say is I'd really like to see some more finished link work/full inks from you. You got some real nice character designs and I think some more uniform, but thick n thin linework would really look slick on your designs. Maybe some nice shading using solid blacks?

You did a really nice job on this overall and is a really nice first comic and I want more Gina!! Kudos dude!

Tort, I had a real fun time reading this! You did a really great job making a fun sports/action comic. You have really great sense of action and a lot of love in your fight scenes! Those kicks looked like they had a whole lot of force behind them and it was a believable match between two fierce fighters. Really
I also appreciated were you got creative with the medium, Kani punching through the word balloon and page 10 was a really nice touch.

The only thing off the bat I can note on is maybe working a little bit on your line confidence. There where some parts where clarity was lost a little bit just because the lines got a little more scratchy and chaotic than intended ( most notably page 11) I think rougher, scratchier line work with a bit of grit will work really well for the style your going for, Its just honing that down into fewer, stronger lines, which will just take practice.

Overall I enjoyed this lot and I'm really looking forward to reading more from you!!!

This is a really smooth read! The writing is funny and sets a consistent tone that stays breezy and entertaining. The pace is snappy and though at points it comes close to feeling abrupt, like when Kani chooses violence pretty much immediately, the comic's humor and characterization keeps it from feeling out of place. The art would benefit from some extra clean-up but as it is every action is readable and the poses especially have a lot of personality. Those personalities are all nicely distinct from each other and the character interactions are great, especially the bits of sideline banter that cut up the fight. I do think Kani's portrayal could have used something more - I think maybe she could have been either more extreme, or maybe more sympathetic, just something to make her stand out more next to Gigi's louder personality. As it is though she still works as a foil for Gigi and all around this comic is really fun!

There's really strong drama in the reversals of the fight, and this is helped a lot by the moody tones of the art. I like how extreme Kani's characterization is in this, all stoic and silent, and this makes me really interested to see what she's like outside of the ring. I think cutting to the mentors and building the visual metaphor through their discussion is cool style, and both this and Gigi's trash talk are good for pacing out the fight, though the comic's broader pacing feels like it drags a little in the beginning. The slow build in the first five pages helps give weight to the wrestler intro sequence, which is great flair, but I think it could have been trimmed down and a couple of those pages could have been used to add more beats to the fight itself. The crunchy scratchy line-work has great gritty vibes and it gives the action a ton of motion, though in a few panels it goes wild enough that the action is hard to parse underneath it. Overall, although there are points where some editing could tighten the pace, this comic's a cool beatdown with a nice sense of dramatic weight.

Even though the art is a bit sketchy it's still clean and appealing. Lots of fun action, great expressions, and enough attention to the backgrounds to give the comic a solid sense of place. Love when Kani snaps back up like a horror monster.
Some of the very dark black lines look weird next to the more pencil-y lines. It might help to color them a dark grey, or maybe up the contrast in the rest of the comic?
Love the reason for the fight, the conflict made sense and didn't feel forced. Good jokes! The ending was satisfying and cute, I love it when people let their character be the butt of the joke.

I like how you draw fights! Each hit has a lot of impact and you nail that brutal slugfest feel. I like how you vary up your camera angles a lot. Good sound effects!
I like that you put effort into finding unique fonts that fit each character, but it gets a little distracting imo. The fight having higher stakes would be a good way to pump up the drama, for example, Kani needing the prize money to fix a broken dishwasher in the diner?
The jaguar/bunny theme is cool and that last line and page is raw as fuck, hell yeah. The animal drawings also break up the fight in a fun way. I think you do a good job characterizing everyone. I like how you use body language to give the characters more personality.

Poor Gigi, obviously still has a lot to learn! This was a cute story with a satisfying set up and pay off. Your art style really lends itself to this cheeky sort of story. I absolutely love the humor over them fighting over just loose change. I think the most believably rich girl thing about Gigi is that she doesn't want to tip lol! I think something I could critique would be that you could use some more backgrounds. You established the setting well at first though, so I wasn't confused! It could just give you some more to play with, though to be fair, that seems like it was more of a time issue. Some of your action panels are super cool and dynamic! I think page 4 is my favorite, the whole sequence of Kani winding up and then the beatdown all look great. (I also love that Gigi's mole is in that reaction bubble lolll) I also like how Gigi loses in the end, I'm so in deathmatch mode I was momentarily confused haha Great work! This was a fun read.

A fun straightforward fight! I like that it's set in a stadium on a meteor, it gave me a chuckle. Also, wow, buff ladies! I think the first thing I thought when that panel of Gigi taking off her robe was "holy muscles"! They look v buff, you can tell you've studied some anatomy. I also like the way you used that cross hatching brush to give your pages depth! It does play with your lineart style well. One thing I'll say is while I think your sketchy style is cool, ti could help to make it a bit more focused, if that makes sense? Like, some variance with more clean lines could help your action and things you want to emphasize pop more. I LOVE that panel where Kani literally cuts through Gigi's monologue, that was so funny and literal. The conversation between Gigi and Kani's grown ups was a fun framing device, too! I like that it seems like they're old friends just watching their kids beat each other senseless. Nice job, you guys had a fun matchup!

Nice to see you do a comic on here finally. You have a decently fun story setup, no one ever needs a deep reason for a battle, so this all works fine here. I would have utilized your greys more often, they would have helped fill out your space better. With the purely white approach, it's very stark - especially with the sketchy linework. The parts where you utilized it was good for sure, but you could have better helped define your characters with it had you utilized it more. Some good posing work in there as well. Keep on practicing and hope to see you do more soon!

A fun little fight comic. I definitely think you're demonstrating a good sense of pacing and posing on your end. More practice is going to have you knocking this out of the park, so keep on at it. On the technical aspects, your tones aren't as effective as they could be and I think your sketchy linework is probably the cause. Because everything has a bit of a hairy line to it, it diminishes a lot of the action lines since you aren't pushing those far enough to distinguish your movement more. Try being a little more confident with your linework. This was a very good comic, I hope to see you do more soon!

I appreciate the use of sound effects and action in this comic. What an unexpected stage to have a throw down, but no less funny. I do have a bit of notes since I am familiar with your work and am surprised to see this is so rough considering what you're capable off. My guess was that this may be experimental, but the format and look is very much of what I'm used to with your comics. I'd like to see you work in a bigger format. I had to blow up your pages since they came off a tad small. I am assuming with the time crunch your quality took a dip, so I'd encourage you to work on a tighter story and page count so you can show your pages more TLC in future

I think your comic work has promise. Story wise you really hype us up with this match- the addition of the announcer was a nice touch. I love the symbolism with the rabbit consuming the jaguar in the end and the actions scenes once these two get to tussling were pretty impressive I love that leaping knee kick especially. I think if I had a note, it'd be that while your style has characters, technically it comes off scratchy and a little haphazard. I'd love to see some strong solid inks coincide with your style of shading and grayscale, just to be able to distinguish what it is I'm seeing. I think it'd make those action scene that much stronger.

I enjoyed the writing and the simple setup here. GiGi's personality is strong and this serves as a pretty solid introduction to the character. Most of your panels and layouts are strong with a good flow of action.
I would say that you should strive to having more finished looking artwork in the future. Much of this looks as if it was basically pencils. Now either you could work on that by doing shorter comics in the drawing time/ having longer deadlines. Or having a more efficient workflow; having watched much of this comic being drawn on stream I would say you should work on having more focus when working and being more willing to move on from a panel to make time for inking and some simple shading.

Now this is some heavy writing, definitely got a unique voice in your stories here. Kani is shaping up to be a pretty interesting character. Alot of your action shots are strong with a good sense of movement and impact in the punches and kicks. On the draftsmanship side of things I would say you should work on having more confident linework and shading.
Much of the art looks rather sketchy which I think could be cleaned up a good bit with another pass for some longer and stronger lines. Also some of the shading looks somewhat sketchy which kind of muddies the art a bit. Paying more attention to a lightsource and the shapes of the characters would help them stand out more and work with a sketchier style you have going on.