Oculama

Labu, your comic felt all over the place. It feels like you set out to make a story that was supposed to be a 50-page epic more than a 20-some page minicomic. Beginning the story with a 2 year time skip from a page that is entirely context-less was a bad decision, and you have too many characters and scene changes coming into play without, again, any context.
Your art is fine, but many pages are mostly without backgrounds, which makes it hard to judge where your characters are relative to each other, and relative to the last scene.
I think the way you show Lord Labu becoming a huge terrifying opponent in the end is very good, and it was awesome to see a proper villain in action. I will add: be wary of making your character *too* powerful, as it can inhibit future character interactions.

Furlitz, I really enjoyed your simple comic setup. The story was easy to follow and very cohesive, it felt self-contained while allowing for more character growth (and interactions) in the future. I'd suggest you spend an extra couple hours tightening up your set-up pages some other time, as I do think it was slightly confusing at first, but you're otherwise very good at 'catching up' the reader as to what happened last.

Your art was very good, but I would have liked to perhaps see EITHER more focus on lineart, or more defined edges in your panel art, certain panels look quite messy. Your lighting is really good, and your backgrounds feel well integrated.
Your art style is very charming, and I like how the characters play together through dialogue. Your expressions are really spot on, and I like your gesture work.

WHOA, this is a SPOOKY GUY!

No, seriously, right off the bat I'm really into just how scary Labu is, not just to the characters in-story, but as a character inhabiting a story that, for better or worse, never lets you know its next move.

Let's start of with the better half of that: One thing I really appreciated about how you wrote this story is how Labu seems to be in complete control of events around him. Whether the other characters are scheming, screaming, or challenging him, you keep up a convincing sense that Labu is truly an implacable terror who is not to be overcome or outwitted.

There's clearly a very interesting and involved tale being told here, but I have to confess there are a number of elements of the comic that I feel are putting themselves between the reader and the and the story and keeping me from fully appreciating it. After a few read-throughs I am still not fully sure if the spelling and grammatical errors are intended affectations of the characters or just that, errors. In either case, it might help to give your comics an additional pass or farm them out to some beta readers to determine whether your intent is coming across.

Similarly, the flow of the comic, while doing an admirable job of keeping the reader off-balance and guessing what Labu might do next, is difficult to follow. There are several pages dedicated to events that I can't honestly say I understand the point of, re: why they're part of this story (the village getting ransacked and then mentioned a few pages later, the Squad of Immortal Defenders), and even more pages where I get the vague sense of why their important, but honestly couldn't tell you how they lend themselves to a larger coherent story (what exactly is it that Labu does to the bearded man, and later to Monty? and what exactly was it that Monty *wanted* Labu to do, and how exactly did Labu turn it back on Monty in the end?). Again, I get the sense of an intriguing setup, but I'm at a loss to explain exactly what it is I read, even after multiple read-throughs.

You're pulling off a lot visually in this comic that heightens Labu's eery atmosphere and the spookiness of the events unfolding around him. His constantly shifting dimensions from beat to beat in the comic give the impression of something that is unknowable even to perception, and works with the generally unpredictable flow of the comic. Labu's not just something to be feared, but something not fully within our comprehension.

You've also done a spectacular job with the lighting throughout your pages, from Labu's inner glow to the more subtle illuminations and reflections from page to page. The glow effects also look marvelous, and are one of those touches that serve to really build up how spooky Labu can be.

Some of the best visual work you do in this comic are the sequences where we get several shots of Labu's face in succession with minor tweaks to his expression (pages 5 and 7 spring to mind). These are terrifically scary, and like the changes in Labu's body proportions, REALLY sell just how unnerving a character this is.

Overall excellent job with the comic atmosphere, and looking forward to further Labu works as you refine your storytelling process. ;)

First off, I'm super stoked about how you've worked off Monty's previous matchup to establish the plot for this one; fits the encounter she just left, and tailors beautifully to the character she's matched against here.

Really sharp writing here all throughout. The straight up dialogue between Monty and Labu goes *just* long enough without leaving the reader antsy, and ramps up tension all the way up until Labu's bomb trick. Said trick is a nice way to really hammer home that Labu, even acting as an official broker, is a bit of a wildcard, and a really scary one at that. I appreciate also how Monty largely goes silent once the time comes for them to get into the violence portion of the comic, but Labu just keeps on gabbing. It's understated, but goes a long way in selling her desperation/ focus, and the cavalier/ carefree nature of Labu.

(Side note - your execution of the various characters speech bubbles is bang-on. I'm very impressed with hoe much you get out of the color and font variations from Monty and her crew's more straightforward text, and how the transition to Labu's more red-hued and skewed text bubbles once the carnage gets underway keeps feeding that mood enhancement. There's some areas, page 3 specifically, where the layout did give me a little trouble in following the correct text order, but the overall drag on the read is pretty minimal.)

I do feel like Monty herself gets a *little* lost with everything going on in this comic. It's a wonderful showcase of your opponent, and she obviously gets her licks in, but I do feel there were some windows for her own personality to leave more of an impression. What form that would take I can't quite decide, and I can see the wisdom in not wanting to over-stuff the comic, but just food for thought for the next time around ;)

Your lighting is SO good from start to finish here. The creepy/ tense establishing shots of the cornfield crossways meeting site are absolutely scrumptious. I didn't quite zero in on it until my second read-through, but the contrast in the cool/ warm lighting for Monty/ Labu respectively was a tremendous touch, and I love how the latter lighting encroaches on the former as the exchange between the two of them gets rolling.

Things get a *little* obtuse for me in places once the fighting proper gets started; I'm not sure I fully follow the action from page 12-14, but it's more a matter of details than it actually getting in the way of my appreciation of the fight, so I can't call it too much of a critique. the fight sells the threat Labu poses perfectly, and is a treat to munch on besides.

Absolutely solid piece of work altogether. Sharp dialogue, keenly paced, and beautifully illustrated from start to finish. I'm LOVING Monty's exploits to date, and I'm on the edge of my seat to see what you've got in store for her next.

This is certainly a tremendous effort on your part. Before getting into some of the things I noticed, I have to say, you definitely put yourself out there and did a solid job. So, regardless of anything, be proud of what you did. 20 something pages regardless of the time limit takes a lot of work. I can tell you enjoy your character and what you're doing, that much shines off the page. You're also having a lot of fun trying out new things which I am all for. I hope you experiment some more.

You should take the time to practice some of your fundamentals, since your anatomy on these characters is very loosely defined and needs some practice. Beyond the usual suggestions of improving your anatomy, I would suggest taking the time to work with your color theory some. You're using shadows which are hard to appreciate or look at. I would really suggest challenging yourself to work with a limited palette in the future and thinking about your lighting. You're using lighting, but it's inconsistent. Furthermore, just because you're using blacks, doesn't make the scene dark in the way you might be hoping to get across to the viewer. Consider playing around with other colors in substitution to black.

I believe you are in need of a proof-reader. There are confusing parts to your story and part of the reasoning for that is because your English grammar is off in those spots. Not just the simple things of proper capitalization in parts, but the more important parts of language flow and usage of slang. This is not easy! You're giving it a good attempt, but that divide does still exist, which is why I recommend finding someone you trust to double check it. Furthermore, use a proof-reader for your story itself. If you're aiming to make the story have beats that you consider Coen-esque, then have someone look at it. Do they understand the parts that you think are obvious? Do they even acknowledge or recognize something that you feel is obvious?

I can understand the desire to make your character into a threatening villain and that's good! However, just like you'd want a hero's journey to show the gain of power, you should give your character that credit as well. There's no shame in having our protagonist start off weaker. It'd make his triumph all the stronger if we see him grow. As it stands, I don't know how strong he is and his motivations aren't really obvious. I know he's strong enough to beat some nameless superheroes in three pages, but that isn't really informing us of anything and it's about as impressive as killing that regular man a few pages before. Still, it's your first battle with him and the story arc is something that we need to see develop on the whole. Maybe this part is near the end of his journey, maybe you plan to jump back two years. You seem to have some plan in mind, which is good.

Criticisms aside, I'm excited to see how you grow and improve while you make more comics. This was solid overall. Nice work.

This was a lot of fun. I really liked this comic. While I don't know your character intimately, I am absolutely intrigued by them and want to learn more in future comics with them. The sponge-brush/chalk pixelated coloring style you're working with is just terrific. You should keep that up, because it's very nice to look at. Furthermore, I like your anatomy and your expression work, which is extremely pleasant to look at. You run into a some visual clarity issues on page 10, maybe a few more defined color separations for each panel might help make the action a little more clear and a little more impactful.
While your handwriting for the dialogue is very nice, it lacks enough of an impact for sound effects, such as when the bullets are flying on page 8. Not that you can't rework it, but the Pows and Dakkas aren't coming through as powerfully as I think you want them to. The story itself is good. I like the touch that the crossroads they're meeting at is a cornfield. Overall, this is a great comic. Really hope to see more from you soon. Great work.

I'm not gonna lie, I had to give this a few re-reads in order to try and wrap my head around what was happening and even then, your narrative is so disjointed I'm left at a loss as to the ultimate goal and theme of this comic. We time skip here and there, meet characters and elements that go nowhere and I'm left wondering as to its purpose or utility in the overarching story. You also have some continuity errors (The masked goon being unmasked in one panels, only for their mask to return to their face in the next panel?) but you have some great splash panels manipulating Labu's face to really telegraph their spooky ookiness.
It's clear you want to relay to your reader Labu is cool, Labu is a powerful villain, but if you're going to introduce us to this character in his heyday of power, you have to take a different tack on how to present him. Where does he go from here if nothing affects him? If he can handle anything and everyone fears him, where are the stakes? Where are his struggles? Why should we be invested in a character where victory is a foregone conclusion?

I'd also highly highly recommend getting a proofreader for your dialogue. I'm taking a guess that English is not your first language as a great majority of your character dialogue was near incomprehensible. That was only compounded by their usage of slang and your misspellings of terms that I'm still left confused as to what exactly happened in this story. I'd recommend you read your script aloud to yourself and your peers to get a sense as to whether or not the dialogue feels realistic to say to someone else. Dialogue even in comics is meant to be a conversation. You'd be surprised how often most artist write something down and don't realize it sounds funny or off until they read it out loud.
Its clear you wanted this to be a great epic, and this was an ambitious swing that I think unfortunately missed as a great deal visually and narratively was lost in translation. That said, I wouldn't wanna discourage having such gung ho qualities when making comics, so I hope you take this critique to heart and see about solidifying these aspects on a smaller scale.

I love your coloring method. I'm not sure what kind of brush you're using (Wedged? Square chalk brush?) but it serves to give your comic a great semi pixel quality as you build your values and set the mood. Definitely keep that up. I think the only think on a technical level I was thrown by was the white shootout panel on page 8 as it came off much more rudimentary when put up against your other panels, but at this point that's really a nitpick. Your composition and posing panel to panel was a great thing to see. I think the standouts for me was the panel of Labu framing his body around Montaigne during negotiations on page 6 and the dynamic approach of Labu towards our felled protagonist on page 9. You gave us actual stakes and put your character in danger that I was turning pages wondering if they were actually gonna get out of this in one piece. Its clear you had alot of fun with it and it shows. Not to mention your mindfulness to keep environmental elements in mind for your narrative is very clever. Remembering the broken ring of salt to in order to utilize it again to trap Labu and banish him was a great end to a pretty solid comic.

Labu - wow this was an undertaking. Congratulations on finally finishing the comic. The plot got a bit confusing to me several times but I think I got the gist of what was going on in certain parts, especially with the Apotheos. I thought that was pretty cool to see Lord Labu and Montaigne team up briefly. I think you can benefit from using spell and grammar checkers/translators online to bridge the language barrier gap. It might also help to shrink down the plot and twists a bit in favor of better readability next time. Art-wise - I think your color choices are pretty solid. You know how to convey the mood effectively using colors. Labu really came across as terrifying and unpredictable..if not a bit unhinged and I loved that. I'd suggest more practice in anatomy and value studies as well to improve on the lighting and shading.

I know this comic means a lot to you so I hope you get a well-deserved break and continue to get better from here!

Furlitz - First of all, that BANNER was epic (do kids still say that these days?). It always blows me away when members find creative ways to showcase their work on the site. And now for the comic! Excellent work on the pacing and dialogue. The angles you used during Labu and Monty's chat kept everything interesting (not that what they were talking about hadn't kept me engaged). It's not easy to keep conversation scenes looking very dynamic but you managed to do that. You gave Labu a larger-than-life personality despite being confined by that salt circle. The building tension between the two characters was palpable and I love that it was punctuated by this huge explosion that culminated into an epic battle. Some pages looked rough during the fight scene but at the same time, I think it kind of works with the chaos that was happening. You made both characters terrifyingly powerful and I can't help but look forward to their next meeting!

A good comic with a great story setup and an art style that works really well for both characters. But the biggest mark against your comic is the jumping of scenes from what I believe is future and present. it muddles the pacing of the comic a bit as I found it harder towards the end mainly to gauge when time was changing between the two which made me have to reread something at parts. as for the character representation I think you did a great job for both combatants, but the other characters introduced are a bit less fleshed out or explained maybe a small blurb about who this character is would have worked. For example the apotheosis, I get he's the target and reason for the deal being made but I don't get why killing him gave such a big boost in power or why his death upset Montaigne? I figured tracking and killing him was the objective(unless the boogeyman wanted him to siphon the power himself?) so that was in the terms of the deal. The Second confusion comes from The Squad Of Immortal Defenders Of The Universe(love the name) they kinda jump in without much warning or fanfare a colorful cast but they had no build up or mention until the panel they dropped into and seemed to be there just to get blasted, which is a shame because they look really interesting and I assume have history with labu as he mentions they tried to kill him in the past. Finally I love the brutality and action sequences of labu being a murdering jolly jokester but I dont get much of a sense of conflict or their being a suitable threat to oppose Labu in this comic even the deal which was on both sides to come to a temp truce seemed to be in Labu's favor for the most part. I think this would have been a great comic split into 2 parts maybe even 3 ( take it from me who makes to much happen all at once in alot of comics) or just a downsize or keypoint mapping to properly pace the comic would work to iron out the story. A good comic overall and I can tell you put tons of love and time into making this! looking forward to your next one :)

having read so many of your comics I'm blown away by the magnitude of what you can do within the time limit every time! The amount of honed plot you were able to do in so short an amount of pages is great! Plus I gotta gush about the colors and murky menacing lighting effect you pulled off throughout the comic coupled with minimalist use of lines makes for an amazing chef's kiss effect! the setting is great and works for both characters and I especially like how you accented Labu's giant height by putting him across from Montaigne frame and his tiny chair lol. Equally effective in showcase character understanding was the salt circle that was used to facilitate an equal footing for the two while adding to the intimidation factor of Labu but the wits of Montaigne which I liked quite a lot only to be countered by the equally surprising and on character idea of just having Labu pack a grenade to blow out the circle. The amount of laughing mad you put into Labu really was something special and made for some great action panels as well as helped push the quick paced narrative of the story that was satisfying and easy to follow and had great banter between the two. No slouch herself it was cool to see Montaigne's combative side fleshed out even more and the panels for the banishing spell were especially awesome. All around a wonderful comic and spook lady continues to impress!