Oculama

You only had 5 pages, so it's not fair to judge your writing. In which case I won't. I'm sure that, with more time you would've...
Heh...
BLOWN MY MIND! HAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*Ahem!
Your artwork is solid! Biggest note of praise is how eerie you kept the background, It really emphasized how lonely and empty the setting was. It reminds of the quiet old school horror games I used to play. You also accurately drew your opponent's character, which is always a plus for me.

Loved it! I honestly can't get over how well the character work was done here, in a short 12 pages. The justifications for conflict made perfect sense (given the circumstances), The solution to her problem was inspired, her response to Todd's pleas actually made me feel bad for Todd, and the background set the atmosphere perfectly! By the end of all this, I was left with this bitter sweet level of satisfaction. Hats off to you!
That said, I hope you have plans to send that poor girl to therapy after this is done!
... A-And a doctor...

These have been your best colors yet, without a doubt. I love how you're increasingly trying out more fun color palettes and more daring options. This particular one is very aggressive and very visually striking, especially how you ramp up and cool down with them. However, I still think your choice of brush doesn't do you any particular favors. I think it's a little too clean for what's a very messy choice of brush for coloring. I think using a pen with some tooth, grit, or wiggle to it might pair better for you. The story was fantastic and I wasn't expecting your own character to be getting rocked! You really are killing it this tournament and putting yourself at the forefront as a major threat (as to be expected). This comic was excellent, I can't wait to see what happens next round. Fantastic work!

This is visually one of your best comics yet! The scratchy blacks is an excellent choice for the mood and theme of this tournament and I think you did a solid job here. I think one of the biggest things I can offer as a suggestion is that you need to spend a little time brushing up your fundamentals. Even more practice getting better at drawing your forms and figures will go a long way, especially because stylistically, you've got some fantastic ideas going on here. I really would like to see more from Todd and Danny in the future. Nice work!

A good introduction to the world of Death Game. The host feels especially malicious here, lacking the pretenses of either niceness/relatability or professionalism other hosts in these comics have. Just pure meanness.
Also, biggest fan? Pretty sure she's in here with him/hj.
Sera's desperation really shows through here. First readthrough I was a bit concerned that you weren't showing her characterization as much as you were Todd or DANNY's, but reading through it again I think that is to its credit. Sera is doing what anyone in her situation would do, especially anyone without a primer like Todd got.
And Todd, whoof. DANNY's sadism, I would say tempered with professionalism and a view of necessity, but those two things are not tempering each other at all. He's a remarkably consistent character and it makes perfect sense that he would be, he's a video game avatar after all.
If I have one critique, it's that I don't much care for your artstyle. it feels blobby and rough in a way that's unappealing for me. That said, I recognize there's a lot of technical skill at work in it. Just not my cup of tea.

It pains me to give you such a low score, as my friend, but friends must be honest with each other, and this is not your best work.
In fact it exhibits a lot of the things that consistently hold you back.
There's a stiffness present, from the dialogue to the poses and angles, that permeates the whole thing. Sera feels not particularly characterized, more of a story object than a person, though Todd feels not much better.
The panel with the exploding head feels like it could be pushed further. The tilt is nice, but it could be heightened a lot more.

Absolutely up to the elbows in the brutality of the Death Game genre in this one - you're pulling no punches and I really love every artistic strike.

There's tons of little details throughout I adore - book-ending the narrative with the "Drip drip drip" was very cool, and Todd reaching for the rock even as he's begging for life was such a chilling touch. There's also obviously the tree growing through the building, which is easily the setup promise for a future round I enjoyed most in this round.

Your host design is really good - creepy and antagonistic as all get out. It's not necessarily the most memorable of the takes in the first round, but the dialogue is so callously aggro that I found myself way more unsettled by your version than any of the others.

(also seeing the mascot loom over the early page of Sera's wanderings was pretty spooky, especially put alongside the CCTV panel)

My favorite part of the story is how you've capitalized on the death game trope of the mild-mannered character going completely ham. Acknowledging that the DANNY persona can be interpreted in a lot of different ways, this does read as a great story of a character using the cover of another persona as insulation from the horrible things they do. I think the story works equally horrific even if the Danny persona is a genuine controlling force, but I think it's quite interesting how there's a karmic angle of accountability at the end with Todd having earned his death at Sera's hand, not just as a matter of self defense, but as a punishment for indulging in killing.

(Also that panel of Sera framed by her hair from Todd's POV was terrific).

REALLY terrific R1 - I've been excited to see Sera hit the Death Game stage since reading her intro comic, and this did not disappoint.

Short and brutal; a great opening salvo for a death tournament!

I like the pacing here - having the comic conclude *just* as Todd is getting wise to the sort of situation he's in was a cool choice. And the framing of the final shot over Sera's shoulders is quite striking. That her death comes around on account of good intentions is just gut-wrenchingly sad, but a strong writing decision.

The conceit of having the announcer speak to an unseen audience before the competitors even wake up is pretty intriguing, and watching Sera and Todd operate without even the knowledge that they're in a death game leads to a story dripping with the tastiest dramatic irony. Characters not believing that they're in a death game is a classic enough staple of the genre, but the characters who kill and die not even having that information are a rare treat.

On the art front, I dig some of the stuff you're playing around with - the hatched vignettes set a nice forlorn tone to the room, and the textured hairs look fantastic! It's making elements pop on every page, and it's a great addition to your visual repertoire.

I also really enjoyed your design for the Death Game host, as minor a presence as they are; I actually missed that they were visible as a full shoulders shot on page 3 the first time around, but the voyeuristic element they add to Sera's impending death is really quite good. There's a similar vibe to their appearance in the last panel of the comic, though the voyeur aspect of their presence on the screen is more pronounced with the out-loud dialogue happening alongside it. Regardless, I like the design (the white accessories are a really nice touch), and I like how, intentionally or otherwise, their appearance sort of echoes Todd's own, almost as if they were another alter ego/ dark inner self of his, in the same vein as Danny.

Really enjoyed this R1; as always, thank you for creating and sharing ;)

ooooh Ninja, excellent start to the tourney! Getting into the scary parts right off the bat, just jumping right into it.

Nice use of the character switch for when Todd puts on the glasses.
I also really liked how you used a color palette switch up to show between the virtual reality and the actual physical place of the death game. I thought that was nicely done.
Your layouts were also really solid, everything flowed nicely, easy to read.
Honestly, any critiques I have would feel like I'm just being fussy.
Great comic, looking forward to more from you dude!

Very fun entry Rhanny!
I liked your use of black and white for this comic, I think your hatching was very nice!

My biggest critique for you right off the bat would be Panel layout and word bubble placement.
The layout in a few pages, most notably in page 3, panels 3 through 5, the reading order got a little muddled, my eyes weren't sure which one to read next after 3.
as for bubble placement, The most notable example would be the final panel on page 2, I read the bubble closest to Sera First, due to it being on the left first, an easy fix for that would just be to flip the placements, so the larger bubble of text is on the left side so it would read first in the order.

Though I understand where your logic for placement is coming from,as it is right below the previous panel.
Thank you so much for sharing your work with us, and I look forward to seeing more comics from you!!

That's certainly one way to kill your opponent! You got a good sense of space I was never confused about the position of your characters in the comic. I also liked Todd's complete confidence literally blow up on him that was entertaining to me.

I'd say the weakest part of your comic is the speech bubbles. It's incredibly crowded most of the time and I only just learned recently that speech bubbles should have a small amount of space between the entire bubble radius and the text. Your speech bubble text should also always be level unless you have a really good reason for making it go sideways. Lastly, your text inside speech bubbles should always be the same size unless you want to emphasize or diminish the word(s) being spoken. I do like that you gave the two characters different font that was a cool touch.

Yes! Finally some good bloodshed. Good job incorporating your opponents gimmick into your comic. I like your choice of colors, letting the pages get more red and unsettling the more chaotic the confrontation got. It was a little odd seeing the hyper competent killer Danny hold off on killing Sera so she can give her final words, I feel like there could have been a better way for Sera to get Danny's glasses off. I also didn't notice right away that Sera managed to get Danny's glasses off, a few motion lines can help with that. Other than that I really enjoyed this comic!

Awesome work on this. Reading this comic made me realize how much i had missed a nice visceral fight scene until now. I gotta applaud your pacing skills, there are lots of excellent page turn cliffhangers and reveals scattered throughout this comic (especially fond of the first four pages as an opponent reveal), and I found the dramatic irony of Sera being completely unaware of the personality split between Todd and DANNY to be delicious.

This is a very pleasant comic. The art is readable and consistent, there's some nice back and forth between the characters and the sequence of events is ultimately very believable and satisfying. Unfortunately, it doesn't really stand out to me in any particular way. The resolution that tampering with the collar kills Sera is just too simple and quick for me, and I would have preferred something with a little bit of extra dimension. Still though, you deserve a big congrats for following through on your vision.

ja – Wow, this felt raw and brutal. I haven’t seen Ready Player One, but props to you for making sure I didn’t need that context to understand the story. That said, I do wish we got to see how Sera ended up in her situation. I felt so bad for Todd—but really, this is all DANNY’s fault. Poor Sera had no idea what was happening behind the scenes, and now there’s blood on her hands. The transition from grayscale to red in your color scheme was genius—it heightened the atmosphere in such a striking way. Well done!

Rhanny – No frills, straight to the point—that was an abrupt and brutal end for Sera! I really appreciate how you took an unexpected route by not having DANNY be the one to do the killing. While the comic does look a bit unfinished and rushed, I think pushing the inking further would really help elevate it. There's also room for improvement in anatomy and perspective, but those are things that naturally develop with practice. And what better way to grow than by continuing to make comics in Oculama! Keep going!

The way the colors get saturated and blown out when Todd put on the glasses was great and gave the whole comic a gritty feel, which is perfect for how brutal it got. Returning to the moral natural tones after his glasses get removed could have sold the transition back to Todd a bit better, but how red everything was worked well for the violence. Maybe going back to the natural tones after he's dead could've helped? Especially with the way it goes back to dripping.

Fonts with both cases can look a little odd in speech bubbles, but I think this one works well for a comic. Just be careful with your capitalization. Breaking up more of the utterances (like "Ah-") with exclamation marks or their own bubble, like Todd's gasp on page 9, could help sell their intensity a bit more. Though careful with sets of bubbles that drift left across the panel, since this usually goes against the way the eye moves.

The panel layouts were great. Simple, straightforward, and very readable. The pacing was also fantastic. I liked the use of the dripping at the beginning and end to show things being comparatively calm. Given that the struggle boiled down to two untrained people trying to kill each other, dedicating so much time to the brutality really worked well for it. Great work!

I'm not a diehard against fonts with both upper and lower case in comics, but I think the one you chose is a little ill-fitting. They can draw introduce new typos like incorrect capitalization. You text should have more breathing room and not be slanted unless there's a specific purpose for it, like pushing how disorienting something is or messing with the perspective. I think most of this could be fixed if you just plan your speech bubbles more in advance. I'd also recommend making sure they flow left to right. Sera's dialogue at the bottom of page 2 is a little confusing to follow since our eyes, unless otherwise directed, usually jump to the left side of the panel on the next row, not the right, and then move from left to right. A similar logic applies to panels themselves. The middle of page 3 is a bit hard to follow since it breaks up the row format and has the read double-back in the same row to read the next panel.

You made good use of hatching and noise to break up the panels and make sure they don't have as much white space, though I think you should be careful not to leave blank spaces around the panel borders. Thicker panel borders/gutters would help a lot, too. Either way, the hatching kept the pages from getting overwhelmed with white space and helped with the mood. The only other art critique I have is that your background objects need some more volume, like making sure the countertops have depth to them. Right now they feel a bit too flat.

All that said, I enjoyed this one a lot! Todd being so confident and sounding so logical regarding the collars only to flub it and kill Sera was a fun setup. His reaction on the last page made it feel very genuine. It makes me wonder how he'd deal with killing others in the future.

Definitely some of your strongest work! There are some really clever usages of Ready Player Todd's glasses, the narrative framing of the rounds, and the initial setup of Todd waking up to the death games, the splash of color that changes as soon as the shades are put on and the violence begins, THAT'S gold. Love to see that, and 12 pages colored is always an impressive feat in the realm of one week deadlines.

Love the bit of Sera Dippity looking in the mirror at the saw blade propped up by the phone, thats a wonderful little bit of characterization.

I feel as if the comic was mostly held back by how empty the comic itself is, the art feeling a bit incomplete at times can really dampen the reading experience, with backgrounds being mostly white but with a sketchy vignette-- Something that i usually feel would help i this instance but i feel as if it gets a bit overused in this comic, and sometimes gets the panel a bit smushed.

Multiple pages dedicated to hitting someone with a rock. That is the spirit of death games at its most primal and based. We joked about it in the discord- I just didn't expect you to put your money where your mouth is- or rather, the rock where the skull is, lol
Your coverpage really is the gilded package that contains equally stunning pages underneath. I especially love the color changeover to a more acidic hue once Danny comes onto the scene. To have poor Todd be essentially an unwilling passenger to such severely VR brain probs and have no way to accurately articulate himself in the ensuing panic and violence was such a scramble to a grisly end.
You are a comic making MACHINE. Definitely one to have opponents shake in their boots for how much you pump out in so short a deadline. Great showing

Nice work getting through your death tourney round 1! One weekers are nothing to sneeze at so getting out 5 solid pages and a full fledged story is definitely something you should be patting yourself on the back for. I think the texturing you used to 'fill' up the background space added a nice sense of atmosphere that made this feel like a five nights at freddy's vibe, which is nice. To be honest, this comic feels like you're applying the crit given from previous comic battles and experimenting, which is great. There are definitely things to expand and push further, but its gotta be exciting to know people see the steps upwards. Keep it up!