Oculama

What a change in tone, ha! Your comic was great fun, with a lot of that old-school, looney tunes-esque feel to it. I do wonder if you might've make Birdholomew a liiiitle bit too much like a saturday cartoon villain, but it fits the comic and I can still see how this portrayal fits. The pacing is good overall, the artwork is a bit sketchy (was colouring the right call vs more detailed shading?), but we all make sacrifices to hit deadline!

Something I think might help going forward is to consider the reading experience when laying-out panels and speech bubbles. Sometimes, my attention was being drawn to two places at once which can feel awkward, but little nitpicks like that shouldn't detract from what you accomplished!

Aaaand now we get yet ANOTHER shift in tone, oh boy! I'll be honest, when I saw the art for Niltsi, this wasn't what I was expecting. DAMN!

I want to give you 4.5 for Artwork. As bloody awesome and near-pro as page 1 started things out, I could feel that detail slider sliding down a notch as the comic progressed (as it probably needed to, in all honesty). Art is your strong suit by far. Your choice to forego colouring and focus on the rest of the composition helped you make the most of your skillset. Your comic has the most impressive inking I've seen in this tournament.

Now... I had a real time with judging the script. The concept behind it is good, as is the structuring of it. BUT... when the visuals set a high standard, it becomes a lot more noticeable when the same level of attention is lacking elsewhere. Give me back my punctuation! I. NEED it! Sure, you could also split speech bubbles into chains that also indicate natural pauses in speech... or bold text... or italics, but I love contractions. Comma-theft has denied me; I'll have my revenge!

Half-jokes aside, the very first speech bubble is a great example of how that can rapidly deteriorate from the reading experience. Niltsi could be saying "You see that? Bet we would [we'd? see how punctuation can reduce script length?! DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE M-] get first pickings!

She could also be saying "You see that bet? We would get first pickings." Maybe even "You see that? Bet. We would get first pickings."

I know us readers can figure out author intention from the visuals (most of the time), but.. yeah. It got to me. Can you tell?

Beyond that (very personal) bugbear, the choice of words sometimes felt odd but never to a point where it stopped me from understanding or enjoying the comic. I'm still awarding 3 stars because there's more to writing than just what's written. That non-literary aspect or writing is something you've done well and I would relish the chance to write both for and against you.

If I could give you like an extra 1/4th of a star to split the three-way tie, I would; I think you have the most potential to give in Round 2. Great work!

Well! I can tell that a lot of thought went into this comic, and crafting an identity & personality for Birdholomew! As a writer, while I like that you tried to be very ambitious and try something lower-concept (with seven whole coloured pages no less!). There were times where I was left wondering; was the extra introductory panels and monologue dialogue avoidable? Could another edit of the script allow you to reduce the word count and help introduce the other contestants sooner? I appreciate that you tell a compelling story (you wouldn't have this score otherwise!) but sometimes, less is more.

This was an impressive comic given the strict deadline; well done!

Oh boy, war never molts, as they say. Love the bright colors and the fiery speech bubbles for Rebel Yell. Your panel compositions are really nice as usual, though especially for this OCT you'd probably benefit from giving certain shots a better sense of depth with different line colors or saturation. Fun scars, luckily Birdholomew wasn't flying with that arm anyway. Turning the kindly hero into a weapon was brutal.Half-point writing point docked for typos/grammar >:I Proofread!

You make everyone look so cute! I liked the composition of the panels during the race and conflicts, and the binocular panel when Birdholomew is spying on them. Most of your pages had simple single-color or gradient backgrounds, which did the job in isolation, but compared to your opponents didn't offer as much in the way of composition. I liked the nefarious plotting of Birdtholomew forcing two otherwise nice birds Rebel Yell and Niltsi to fight. However, it wasn't super clear what Birdholomew's scar was other than death. Overall, very fun comic with charming birds abound.

The big undead flamingo is CRAZY cool. With the scale of the other birds and the shape of its skull, it reminds me of a whale - I guess they kinda do eat in very similar ways. I never thought about that before. The backgrounds and attention to bird anatomy makes my nerd brain very happy. The background on your last page was missing the care and detail you put into the first four, which detracted from the gravity and horror of Rebel Yell being transformed. Rebel Yell and the necromancer were the stars - it would have been nice to center more on Niltsi and Birdholomew. ...Terrified of fighting you tbh, see you on the birdle field.

Your opening pages set a really good tone for your take on bird wars, and all the characters fit well in that context. This feels like a solid introduction to all the opponents in the matchup and leaves a lot of room for the future, nice!
It was hard to immediately grasp the back and forth on page 5 with the large middle panel, but other than that I had a easy time reading it. I really like your color work and the ways you make the color bleed to the ends of the pages, it felt really natural and ties it together well. Also love the choice of orange sky!

The diagonal/directional panels work really well, guiding the eye and selling the action, but I think the only play it doesn't hit is on page 4, where Niltsi is getting disoriented. The S shape reads as more careful maneuvering than spiraling disorientation. I was confused at first on Rebel Yell's tactic until that corner panel on page 4. So maybe a more erratic/broken up line of flight would've sold it more.
Aside from that I love the characterization of all the opponents, everyone feels evenly considered and get a lot of dialogue in a short comic!

I really enjoy how you introduced the methods of warfare here. I like how the conflict here is almost environmental, instead of a direct conflict between the opponent. I will say I was a bit mixed on the necromancers at first because they feel like their own additional character aside from the opponents, but I think the way they're used in the scar and in the set up is solid and fleshes out your version of thr bird war! I also think your expression work is really strong, particularly with Rebel Yell.

Starting off, I love the vibe you went with the cover for this.

The world building you are setting up for this is really strong. Even just a short few pages I get a strong sense of what their world is like.
and those cloud scenes. *chef kiss*

One thing I may suggest you experiment with is Using Bolder Line art on your focal points in your panels. Theres some pages I think it would add to the intensity, help with clarity when reading, and I also think it would compliment your coloring style. Example would be page 6 panel one. Having a thicker outline on rebel yell and thinner lines on the cloud background and on Nilitsi would push the perspective, make the break out of the panel more intense and lead the eye in what's happening on the page.

Otherwise, solid work as always man!

This was a very fun read!
I think you used all of your opponents very well, and I think the story came together nicely!

The panel layouts work very well, It was very easy to follow where to read next and you kept the action and pacing on point.

One thing to keep in mind is font choice for lettering. The fonts do look nice, but they can cause reading fatigue in the reader. Example would be the more.. ( I apologize, Im blanking out on the proper name of the style) swoopy font, it works all right for one or two words, but in larger bouts of text or dialogue it can make it harder to read. I recommend checking out Blambots dot com, they have a ton of free fonts for comics specifically, with lots of style and personality but keep ease of reading in mind.

Otherwise, very fun comic. Well done!

Starting off, I just love that panel transition on page one. Sets the mood really nicely.

Panel layout was really nice, and everyone was used effectively.

I think two things I'd keep in mind going forward is maybe more value differentiation, I think either a darker tone in the background in some panels would help with clarity of focus, and some of the bubbles were a little tight which caused some awkward word placement.

i was expecting one more page after that final panel, it didn't feel quite "Done" yet.

otherwise, very solid work my friend!

Very fun comic! It was giving me Saturday morning cartoon energy in the best way. I really enjoyed how Birdholomew played the secret mastermind role to engineer the conflict, but he ended up paying for it in the end. There's a good sense of motion here, which is crucial for a race comic. However, it's a bit hard to imagine what the scars are for your opponents, since it just happens in an offscreen explosion.

The world building elements here are really cool, with the necromancy birds controlling giant bird skeletons. The undead birds look sick as hell. You also made all the birds look very expressive, and there's some great faces here. It took me a couple of reads to understand what had happened to Rebel, though, since I didn't realize at first the drool from the big bird monster was acidic. Maybe showing that trait some time in the beginning of the comic would have made the impact of it more effective.

I always love your use of color, and this comic is no different. The orange sky especially is very striking, and page 5 where Rebel and Niltsi are right in front of the sun is my favorite panel of the whole comic. I think everything is framed very strongly. Some of the line work is a bit messy, but that's mostly in the background elements, and the fact that you were able to do so many detailed backgrounds in the first place given the deadline was impressive.

A lot of world building as one can expect from one of your comics that helps set the scene for your battle, and I think your artstyle lends itself surprisingly well to the drawing of the various birds here as well. The sound effects you've written out here are really nice in their strokework, but I think you need to use a different blending mode or some outlining to keep them from getting lost in the lines like they do in page 6. The joke of a serious war tale with birds and bird puns mostly works, I'd say though that this comic could have used a little bit of editing to keep that joke from dragging in some parts

This is one of the few comics that made me laugh out loud while reading (with the music scene) so I gotta give points for that. All in all the zany toony plot works real well here, in fact you could have taken out a couple lines here and there and it'd pace even better. Be mindful of your word balloon placing, some spots like the bottom of page one have bubbles a bit too far from each other for it to easily be deciphered that it's supposed to be a back and forth

Terrific lineart and the bird pun lore is just the right amount here! It's a shame this isn't colored/shaded but the designs and silhouettes are at least still strong. That being said the NPB's (non-player birds) kind of stole the show here, they look so rad, and the plot is a bit too brief to really sink one's beak into. The woodpecker scar is very metal that it kind of mutes the kestrel's scar by comparison

First, as always, I love your art, as it is really clean and fun to read - colored comics can get overwhelming with too much colors sometimes, but you clearly mastered balancing it out really well!
I also love the angle you went with in terms of story telling. The world building was really interesting, and the way you fit the opponent characters into that world was very unique. I can imagine a lot of intense drama and unique story coming with this angle, and can’t wait to see more of it!

Can I just say, I absolutely love this comic and it was exactly what I was hoping to read when I read the expert for Bird Wars! I am also a personal sucker for little puns and word play, so the comic got me straight from the title.
I also do love how you chose to do a Racing Tournament - something that at first glance, Niltsi would have the upper hand in. It’s always fun to read a round when characters use their opponents strength against them, so I had a BLAST reading this too!

Ooh, I do love the angle you took the story - a war for seeds, but feeling more gritty and serious than what the words alone might suggest!
I also do like rounds where the opponent characters (somewhat) work together since we can see a bit more character interactions, so this was a fun round to read for sure! Short and concise, but each character well depicted and a big part of the story. The ending was a good cliffhanger too, making me REALLY eager to see what happens next. . . Oh no Rebel. . .

It's always amazing to see you pull off the same great art quality in every battle it's a little crazy. I like the introduction to this war torn bird world the atmosphere is my favorite out of all the entries. You also are great at drawing the birds soaring through the sky. One thing I would like to challenge you to do is have your birds use their feet to grab things more instead of their wings. It'll make bird combat a lot more badass!

Nice first comic here! I'm just now noticing the limited color palette you made excellent use of it! I admittedly chuckled at the "my nuts!" joke at the beginning it seems that nut jokes are my weakness. The story was really fun and you incorporated your opponents well. I like the scar you gave Niltsi though I wish we had more clarification as to what happened to Birdholomew. Even so I loved the energy you brought with your comic and I hope you stick around even after Bird Wars!

Great to see you again Corn! Even though you had to rush this comic the visuals are still amazing as ever coming from you! I think you gave one of the most interesting scars in the tournament so far because holy heck the one you gave Rebel Yell was crazy! I do wish Niltsi's scar got similar treatment in terms of creativity, though being shot through the wing does lead to character development potential in it's own way I suppose. I especially loved the diversity in your bird designs I didn't even know I wanted to see a pelican skeleton until I said it out loud so I thank you for that.

Another great comic. The environment and theming is very strong in this one, especially these 'mountainous' regions that feel plucked from Avatar. If you move on, I will love to see more of these explored, especially because they feel very much like the star of the show. You did a great job making everything feel very lived in and the scars involved were very unique! They definitely feel like they could lead to interesting developments for your opponents - I hope you keep that up! This was a great comic! Great work!

This style you did is very cute. You did something really classic feeling with your story and while there's no scar seen, that doesn't hurt the narrative at all. A little race is quite the cute setup and Birdtholomew being a little villain fits perfectly. I have very little that I can critique about this particular comic. It's not that you couldn't do better, but for what it is it's very charming. This was a very good comic! Great work!

You have such strong foundations to your comics. While colors would be great, your character work and environments are carried so hard by your inks and your style. I wish you had done the comic with this interesting pigeon necromancer as your main character! They're already so unique and that giant flamingo beast was such a cool idea! The scar on Rebel was gnarly and I would love to see more of your Bird Wars. Whether or not you win, it's always a treat seeing you make stuff - welcome back! Great work!