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Comic completed on August 15th 2022

Rivana

Voted!! What a fun comic you both have!

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This one gave me a good laugh, which I think is testament to the cleverness and straightforwardness of the joke of the overall comic. The intentional use of typos and off-center text really sells the vibe of the Beach Ball's world, which I love. Your use of the characters is understated but effective. The ball feels threatening without really doing anything on-panel, and you do a nice job establishing who Briar is in a single panel. I do wonder a bit at Andrea's absence from the comic. It feels she might have been well-utilized in either the contraption joke or the ominous ending. I'd love to see those panels you didn't get to somewhere along the line; they looked like they promised a lot of fun!

Poor Briar just wanted a nice day out! The injustice! Some really cool art here, especially once Briar gets out into the water. It does feel like the action could be a bit clearer where Briar dives into the water (I had to do a bit of double-take to parse the action), but otherwise I really dig how it flows, and the sort of gorey-esue mood you've cultivated here, re: how spooky (but just a lil silly and fun) the beach feels. My only other note would be the ending promises something interesting that it feels like might not be delivered on? Regardless, I'm very excited to see what you make next!

Really love your art, especially how you do texture with crosshatching! Especially the panel where Briar is swimming over the big ominous skull. The three panels where Briar gets slapped onto the beach were a smart way to show action too. I thought the word balloon placement in your first panel was a little confusing. It would be neat to see a little bit more detail in the background of the beach, especially if you use it to sell the cold/rainy weather. I was a little confused by the ending, was Beachium trying to lure Briar into a trap? I really like your writing here! Briar and Andrea have a good dynamic going on and I want to see them interact more. Briar refusing to take her jacket off is a fun character quirk.

Your art has a really cute quality to it! Briar having kind of a blank expression made the jokes funnier imo. I like the city scene you did, it's a really appealing shot. I also like the bounty board full of different criminals. I think most of the problems I have with this comic are a result of you running out of time maybe? You've got a couple of unfinished pages, so it's a little confusing figuring out what's going on. There's a word balloon where the text is floating halfway outside it. I know that the ball is supposed to be mysterious and that's the joke, but I think maybe giving Beachium some more understandable motives would make the story stronger. I really like the Rube Goldberg machine joke!

This was an adorable read!! I really enjoy the back and forth Briar and Andrea have going on, playful and a lil antagonistic. Your pacing in this comic was very nice and your inks are really crisp. The biggest thing that stuck out to me was i think with the grayscale, You could have pushed the values a big more to show depth from the background and foregroun, Particularly in the swimming scene. Andrea looks a little bit like the are floating. Your action is really nice here, and over all I enjoyed the playful vibe. Really strong start, this was a treat.

You have a cute style, and I think the comic had a lot of goofy and gag potential should you have gotten a chance to finish. Rube goldberg machine Jokes are almost always a win in my book. But the comic overall was kind of hard to follow, especially with the second page being half done, and the text Could have used a bit more work. Especially with some of it popping out of the balloons. But I really like how you set up your first page. It's a strong layout! Guides the eye well. I am looking forward to whatever you do next!

I like the premise of Briar and Andrea taking a day off on the beach. It really helps establish their relationship and of course fits the opponent quite well. The art is very nice and I love your use of hatching to add texture. The tension and fakeouts with the beach ball and "other person" on the beach were well done. That said, I don't really see how the final page follows from the rest. If the Beach Ball is trying to get them killed, I think there should have been a few more suggestions that it has some agency. Other than that, very well done and a great way to establish your characters.

Nice quick establishment on the first page. It sets up the main conflict well and hints at the natures of both characters. Your art is clean and readable, even if it is fairly simplistic. Overall I didn't have trouble following the story, even with the unfinished page. In fact, I think that page would be unnecessary if you were to slightly edit the first panel of the third page to show the bullet hitting the target, since it was already fired on the first. It's good to look out for ways to compress your story, especially if you're running out of time. In general a shorter comic with consistent quality will present better than a longer, unfinished comic, as long as it's still comprehensible. Another thing to watch out for is text size and position in speech bubbles. Text size should be consistent unless its for emphasis and there should to be a slight margin between the letters and edge of the bubble (about a letter's width). Finally, I liked the Rube Goldberg contraption and the implication that the Beach Ball turned itself in for some sinister reason.

This comic started really cute and wholesome. Just a couple of friends taking a day off at the beach and encountering a random beach ball. Briar and Andrea has such a cute dynamic. That line about being half-corporeal made me chuckle. For some reason, I don't think the comic needed color (though I am sure it would've helped).But honestly, I really like the simplicity of it. I wish I had a better way to describe it.

The comic was pretty chill until I got to page 3. Holy shit..that thing underwater looked terrifying. You did such a great job on the next page when it emerged from behind Briar and really shaded that giant skull. They were lucky all it did was shove them off. I love what you did with the note on the last page , detailing Beachium Ballium's mission. It really got me invested!

Aww Kipp! I wish you finished this but I am glad you were able to submit something anyhow! Your style is very simple and cute. Briar looks adorable. For next time, I suggest you download a proper comic font, I had a hard time reading the dialogue on some pages and the speech bubbles aren't properly sized. I do understand that the time crunch did not afford you the time to finish/polish everything. But again, it's great that you got us a comic despite the circumstances.

I do like the overarching plot you got going here. An innocent-looking beach ball that isn't what it seems and then shenanigans ensue giving its unsuspecting victims/captors(??) one hell of a time (usually in a bad way it looks like lol). It really stretches one's creativity to think of a way to write a story about an inanimate object and you sure did accomplish that.

FRIDGEMAN- I'm with Andrea. Visiting a beach on a cloudy day is the bees knees!

This opponent wasn't easy. I mean, its a ball XD but you incorporated Ballium in your story in amusing fashion. It spurred on the story and gave Briar the excuse to get themselves in a tight spot. Also that blasphemous volleyball art was hardcore!

I think if I had any notes it would be to be mindful of your word bubble placement. I wasn't quite sure which word bubble I was meant to read first on page one as the one on the right bleeds into the first panel, but the large on on the left follows the format of reading left to right.

This was a good first round comic. I can't wait to see more!

KIPP- I'm sorry the deadline got the better of you- happens to the best of us in a time crunch! I'm glad you turned in what you could though. Its always good to submit what you can and you did just that. I wish I had some critique for you that was more than a question mark, but I'm not quite sure what's going down in your side- which I suppose is good feedback in the end! Hopefully given more time off a deadline will better help you organize events so the reader can better understand what you're trying to get across. Good effort though!

Sorry to see that the comic is unfinished, Kipp :( Saw that you had scheduling issues, but I'm glad you still got something in! I love the establishing scene and page, especially since it implies much more background on Beachium Ballium's plans and actions. I like the bleed panel of the cityscape with Briar shooting along with the narration!

Throughout the comic, I like how you've characterized Briar and Beachium Ballium, but the lack of any characterization of Andrea leaves something to be desired. Also, though I know you simplified the expressions of the characters to help fit within the time limit, I think including eyebrows would be enough to help get character emotions across more clearly, but I do like the stylistic choice!

I like how Beachium's motives are still unknown by the end, but somehow needed the Rube Goldberg machine to slam dunk on Briar. Speaking of, the page with said Rube Goldberg machine is fun to read, and I wish I could've seen it polished further!

Love the comic, Fridge!! Your dialogue and storytelling has really improved since W4R, and the comic you've made carries itself wonderfully! I really like how you've written the interactions between Briar and Andrea, and their conversations feel natural. The introduction of the characters is clear, and you've made a clear and straightforward story line that's easy to follow.

I love the action pose you created on page 2, however you might need to pay a little bit of attention to the 180 rule in order to make character orientation more readable. This is primarily because Briar and Andrea keep switching from being on the right/left of one another on the panels, making the page read a bit more confusingly ;;

Your 3rd and 4th pages are both incredible by the way! The sense of scale and depth works really well on page 3, continuing to make a well executed unexpected joke on page 4 with the sunbathing creachur. Once again, really well done!! Excited to see your characters in the future :D

I think this is a solid comic for what you were given to work with such a silly opponent, the decision to make them a prop and focus of the comic was a nice clever way of working with them, I have some minor gripes about layout stuff mostly. I think the dialog on the first page was a bit hard for my brain to catch on who talked first because one text balloon was so far left I read it first then had to stop and read the one that was slightly above it on the right. other than little stuff like it was cute and nice. also the borderless speech balloons got lost a little in the monochromatic pages, nothing big good stuff!

Im not sure what to say on this comic a lot of it was hard to decipher but that may be just because of time reasons so I cant really complain too much about unfinished pages, the character here is fun and cleaver and there is a good comedy moment in this comic at the end and that was the strongest part but because so much of the set up was just lost to page two just dissolving into sketches I cant tell if it was on purpose or not to confuse me and make me question if this isnt all just a dada experiment?

An amazing fun read, full of twists, complemented by some killer lineart and a good use of greyscales. The first page sets up the situation nicely and the overall dialogues between Briar and Andrea describe both of them perfectly. The color shift on the sea in page 3 is SO pretty and that giant skeleton laying there is terrifying! I suggest you look up some watery effects that other comic artists have done, like adding white waves and ripples to give a better idea of the swimming pattern of Briar. Also, I appreciate the bolder words in the dialogues to emphasize them, but I think there's quite too many of them (like the "at" in "at the beach" and the "some" in "...some standards", both in page 1. This is just a minor note though, and it doesn't cripple the entertainment I had when reading the comic. Bravo!!

This whole "fight" was funny and I actually enjoyed the simple art style of the comic. Be generally careful when the text in your dialogue boxes stretches out of the borders where it should be contained, because it can look messy. Some onomathopeias would have helped with what was happening in page 3. It's a pity that page 2 was only sketched out but luckily it didn't take too much out of the general story. Another suggestion I would give is to remove the background in the last panel of the final page and just put a pitch black square behind the Ball. It would give an ominous and menacing vibe to it!

Why is that skeleton sunbathing underwater...

This comic was an interesting if chaotic ride.

The first thing I noticed reading this was that the speech bubbles are a bit awkward to follow; it took a couple reads to realize who started the conversation due to the position. This could have been clearer, and it happens a few more times throughout. The bubbles also blend in with the background, making it hard to tell who is speaking as well.

The action can be confusing at times; page 2's Volleyball Art took a few tries to parse. Perhaps having a wind up in the previous pane, rather than cracked knuckles, would have made this easier to read?

I do not quite follow the last page; the ball had a mission? But it did not do anything. Ball is a bit of an absurdist character, but none of that really happened in this comic, though I appreciate the use of it as mostly just a regular ball. That last page was probably unnecessary for the story you were telling.

Overall, silly ball. Cool skeleton.

Shame this did not get completed.

The ol' "this'll be easy, I'm a genius! Oh no!" type story!

This comic had potential.

I'm not entirely certain how we get between page one and 3, what with the unfinished page being more or less un-parsable in its unfinished state. But it seems as though ball set up a rube golberg machine for our would-be bounty hunter. It fits the absurdist nature of ball, and I suppose tourning itself in does too. It could work as a plot point in a larger story. Here however, it just feels as unfinished as the artwork. I do enjoy the sillyness of ball, but this comic has less of a story so much as a setup. The gag of the bounty hunter underestimating the ball is funny in concept, but im not sure it was pulled off successfully. Still, I like the idea.

Overall, I do like our ball fellow. It really is a shame you were unable to finish this.

The panel with the giant face underwater is one of my favorite ones in all of R1! This was a great little comic honestly. The writing is solid, as interacting with a inanimate object as an opponent can always be difficult. But I felt you did it in a very natural and funny manner. ARtwise, I quite like your style. Its fairly easy to read, it has tons of personality and your expressions are pretty good! As I mentioned, the giant face underwater panel is bloody fantastic. I did not see that one coming, and the follow up made me chuckle quite a bit.

A enjoyable read, shame it wasn't entirely finished but that happens! I quite enjoy the way you wrote the inanimate object gag, with the elaborate, unexplained ruberg machine that ends up making the poor monster hunter eventually turn tail. Only for things to end in the beachballs unexplainable capture. I think artwise, I would suggest just drawing lots of humans and get a grip of fundamentals like anatomy. I hope to seem ore comics from you, because I feel you have a pretty funny writing style and I am curious to see what more you can do with the beachball.

Fridge I dont know how you keep putting out such quality content in such a short amount of time! ever since the invitational you've been a joy to see work! I liked the setup of the comic and kept waiting for the ball show up and when it did it was just ya know a ball lol. then when I saw the demon skeleton head I was like oh no that's it that's the kill trap and then the skeleton was just annoyed lol. The kill order being sent to the ball at the end was great and I liked what you did with such a strange opponent great work!

So I enjoyed the wacky fun humor of the comic and the easy setup you went for the conflict. But the only true mark I have against your comic is the few panels in the second page I couldn't understand what was going on or how we got there. I think with a little more detail the page would have flowed really really well. Everything after those first few panels is great and easy to understand though so I would definitely love to see more of your inanimate object( OR IS IT!!?) doing battle in a similar way in the future as it was very creative

Some really good comicking going on here. A few highlights for me to point out. One, some great linework throughout, really clean and bold. The giant skeleton looks especially nice. Two, I think you've struck a nice balance with how you approach your text and bubbling. Legible and blended well into the action. Three, great shading and value throughout, it provides nice depth to what we're seeing.

The little reveal at the end of our Ball's nefarious goals is a nice touch! You did well integrating them into the story in a natural way. Why not place a beach ball on the beach?

Great work, looking forward to seeing more from you.

Looks like you weren't able to fully finish. No worries, it happens! Unfortunately this does leave a big gap in the plot, although we can infer the gist of what happens from the subsequent pages.

I actually quite like what you have going on with the first page - plenty of detail and some interesting paneling. It's just a matter of translating that forward to the rest of your comic. The last two pages I feel aren't quite hitting the same quality mark.

A good effort overall, this has potential to be something funny, just need to take it all the way to the end!