Shout out to my opponent Bretony, really enjoyed working with Tembel!
Voting is closed.
Your synopsis has a very dark-humor "Stranger than Fiction" energy that I really appreciate, especially when it's the divine/ omnipotent character who ends up on the receiving end of the fatal accident. What you have here in the first two pages looks vary fun; I ADORE how adorable you;ve made Tembel look, and the phone call is super ominous...I'm very curious how/ if that was supposed to pay off in the rest of the story? Or was that more a one-off gag about the multiversal nature of our protag? Either way, it all looks like a very cool setup and I'd love to read the full version sometime :)
Excellent tongue-in-cheek capture of the PASSION and DRIVE of the working man~~~ Tembel and MacKenzie play off each other very nicely here, and your humorous elements (desk meme, noods, etc) fit very unobtrusively into the story flow without getting lost in it. The "angel hair" gag is an absolute killer, though visually my one gripe would be that, in the panel where the pasta is piercing through the front of the truck, it looks more like it is embedding into the metal than punching through it. I had to double take once I realized it was getting flung all the way through. The art is otherwise phenomenal; I especially dig how you did Tembel's big reveal, and the noontime daylight at the end of the comic.
A very fun and quick comic. The comic had pacing and flow to it's story. The art was very well presented and I could cleary understand what was happening. Which compliments the witty and snappy writing you have.
I think you used Mackenzie phone power very nicely, and I liked the joke where he looks at his normal phone first, very nicely conveyed. It is clear to see you had fun playing with termble interacting with Mackenzie.
I will also give props for the creative pasta death at the end. overall it was just a very fun comic to read.
I know this comic is not finished but I think you had a good idea judging from the last page. From that alone it seems like you have a very intresting idea with a very good punchline to boot.
I think Mackenzie has a very intresting and creative power, with his future phone. It allows you to set up some really creative decisions.
Art wise you had some good expressions as well as being clear to follow. Though I have to only give 3 stars, as there's not enough for me to judge as a whole.It also goes for the writing, very solid just not enough for me to judge for. Though I'm putting it half a star up because you had an intresting plot planed.
I would love to see what other kind of stoires and characters you have brewing in your head.
Great comic where the ordinary meets the unordinary. Obviously it should go without saying I consider the art fantastic, the selectively applied polkadot overlay really brings it home.
I love how both characters have been written, along with their interaction. It was amusing enough without relying on the usual worn out jokes or tropes. (Then again, just how many pieces of media have your ordinary Joe meeting his guardian angel?)
Tembel is tembel as one would expect and brings a fitting end to the story, creating a nice callback to the start of the comic too. Quite amusing and excited for future misadventures.
It's a damn shame this one was unfinished, because it looked like it could have been some real fun to read.
The art has it's charm, and I feel it could've worked in what I can only guess would have been a humorous style of comic, but I personally had trouble taking it in for the short duration I had to enjoy it. It looked quite good in some panels (particularly the first one with Tembel's human form) while looking funky in others (Tembel's arm looks particularly double jointed in the third panel.
I feel like it could have been a good laugh if you got around to finishing it and bringing the comedic ending and ambitious routine you had planned.
I really enjoyed how you handled this comic and the kinda purposely bad joke of your opponent being an angel and the character trying to guess what it meant by asking about stuff with angel in its name for us to only assume he was being dumb and talking about your angel for it only in the end to be the type of pasta that kills him in a scene straight out of Final Destination but very small. It was all very good set up and fun to read with a nice fun pay off that was set up from the start great stuff!
I love your characters base concept and him talking to himself and all the shenanigan's that could lead to is such a really cool idea and Im glad we get to see it but I felt a lot more set up can be done so it was a bit stiff to see and Im sorry to say I just feel the last page feels so off to me that your opponent dies in a foot note at the end of the comic without showing it I feel you could have devoted those resources could have been put on just showing their death instead of just set up.
These full color pages are gorgeous, first of all! The halftone shadows are awesome and the splash page of Tembel's arrival is really effective.
I think your jokes were sometimes hit or miss (as is often the case with jokes) but that never got in the way of the important stuff -- storytelling, character, gruesome pasta gore, etc. The punchline is hilarious and constructed so perfectly, it feels like a masterclass in setting up visual gags. I also really liked the seatbelt joke, that was a wonderful little moment of character development. I kinda wish the seatbelt also played a role in Mackenzie's grisly demise, but given the short deadline, your script is amazingly tight.
Overall a very well-polished comic that plays to the strengths of the format and showcases your comfortability in the medium!
You have a wonderful sense of timing in these first few pages. It all feels so punchy and well-executed. I also love your general approach to writing the round, where everything builds up to a hilariously offbeat punchline. Obviously I wish this had been finished, but given the super short deadline I think this works well for what you did. Even the stuff that you didn't get to kinda works as an off-screen aside; the grim abruptness of "and then Tembel got hit by a bus" might even work better as just text, and you got an audible laugh out of me.
Your art style is simple but so expressive. I particularly love the cloudy/sunny split when he's talking to his future self, it works so well to convey the story.
Brentony I am a big fan of your work, and this comic was a joy to read. You have such a great sense of pacing your gags are so so good. This was such a strong first round entry! That send Noods gag was great. Honestly I think this was really strong overall and I don't have a lot of feed back beyond maybe some person preferences, such as pages 1 and 3 could have used more value or color variation in the panel bleeds, if that makes sense? You did try to use the black tonal effect and I do think that helped.
Otherwise I really enjoyed reading this entry and it was such a fun/final destination ending, Im looking forward to more Temble!
First off, for the pages you did complete I think you had a really strong start to your comic! I think you have great sense of humor in this as well. I would have loved to see the final version of this, but alas, life loves to get in the way of making comics. I do appreciate the clarification of what the plan for the story was at the end though, so it was nice to get an idea of what you had in mind.
That all being said, im really glad you still submitted what you did, and I hope to see more comics from you in the future!
Omg, the 'Send noods' pasta delivery. XD STOPPIT
All the little background details and environments in this comic were really great. I see you with the meme pose on page three! Your characters, whether they be longstanding or just here for death have such charm and charisma, it really didnt take me long to fall in love with Tembel. Also the way you dispatched your opponent has gotta be the most out there method I've ever see and I am here for it XD What a story to tell once he makes it up to heaven. "So how'd you go?"
Angelhair pasta bro... 10's across the board man. I am amped for more!
You know even though timing got the better of you, I kind of loved the summary you cooked up?? Of course Mackenzie's life is boring. This is an office guy! I would've loved to have seen Tembel losing their celestial little mind. Also a bus ending is very appropo and amusingly kind of twinning with that your opponent managed to dish out. Truck? bus? Same vehicular family tree, LOL
I think if I had a note, it'd be to vary your paneling composition. You have alot of straight on scenes, as if the characters are always facing the camera. Vary up your angles and I think that'd make for more interesting composition.
Still, comics are hard, as we're all wont to know, so good on ya for completing what you could, and putting our minds at ease with your wrap up!
I continue to be blown away by the level of story, humor, and detail you are able to put out in your comics in the very short amount of time you're given to do them! the setup was great an really showcases both character perfectly! watching the whole thing was like great little episode of a cartoon packed into just 6 pages saddest part is that the nature of the death battle means we can never see these two on more zany outings. I particularly love the send noods truck and setup is just some great golden humor even the death made me giggle with the spaghetti line.
aww kaz im sad you couldn't finish the comic,because the startup is great and the rundown of the plot sounds sooo good! I really love your depiction of Tembel angel/human forms and the foreboding doom of having him as Mackenzie's guardian angel be subverted in that nothing bad actually happens to Makenzie the whole comic is a great comical subversion. The setup of the walkman is a chekov;s gun in the opening is great for the later pay off and the planned death for Tembel sounds right on the money for how I would have expected him to go out.
Brentony - You killed it (pun intended?!?) This comic is so polished and marvelous on all accounts. The splash page of Tembel's entrance was really such a standout in the already stellar pages you put out. The lighting, the font, and everything. I could even hear angels singing in the background from the way you depicted this LOL. Send Noods was such a great name for a Pasta company. I hope it exists somewhere lol. The screentones are really nice though a bit too much on page 2 I think that it made the scene look a bit flat in comparison to the other pages BUT that's just me nitpicking. This is some Final Destination stuff as the others have pointed out and I am LOVING it!!!!
Kazar - Such a shame that you did not have enough time to finish this but I SUPER appreciate that last page telling us about what could've happened if you did. I am so glad you shared that. I did not mind the wall of text at all. I really did get a laugh at the "Oh right human form" part in page 2 lol. It's pretty amusing how yours and Brentony's entrances for Tembel were my favorite parts of both of your comics. This is a cute comic with lots of story potential. I hope we get to see more comics from you of course and that you get more free time to do what you love!
I didn't really know what to expect with this little lad going into it but I am so fucking glad that whatever it was it was blown out of the fucking water
Your sense of style and cohesion with the amazing color work and toning makes this fight some of the best chunks of comic I've seen on Oculama! Your paneling and flow come so naturally its amazing, and the level of polish you achieve shows an amazing work ethic not many peeps have, i am ENVIOUS!! I want all my comics to look as complete and unified as yours do!
You may not have finished Kazar old boy but I will say this, what you had right here is nothing less than i could have expected from THE LEGENDARY MYTHICAL OCT LEGEND KAZAR
From what was set up and finished i really enjoyed how you manage to make the most of your limited color pallet and can still have an eye for compositions, mainly in the panel introducing the little cherub with the cloud overhead, it makes good use of your tools and it always lands in a satisfying way, leading to some of the most memorable OCT entries to date! Your writing is also on point as always, would have loved to see more! BITCH BITCB HT BICHTB CBBITCH CBITCBITCH BITCH