Oculama

This was such a fun expierence to read, no big action and now bloodshed and honestly not needed at all, the writing makes this a super strong comic alone, Jamisons "i just do my job" attitude is super well captured and whitehats dry response to the whole situation makes for an excelente comedic interaction, the art is super well done as well, and together it makes for a really rounded finished comic. Great job and i hope to see more of Jamisons in the future he comes out on top for me in this matchup. Well done to both combatants.

This comic is super fun to read the even though it is a little hard to decipher with the pencil sketches from time to time, the two charcters bounce off of each other quite well and interact super fun. The whole thing is short with only three pages counting but that honestly is not even that noticable, because of the smart paneling and the good writing. With that giant bad guy the entertainment is here no problem but the unfinished pages do bring the reading experience a little down but it still a great work and not to be underestimated.

Your backgrouns in this comic are immediately noticable and so, so very crisp! There's some incredible writing here, and I had a good chuckle about Whitehat having his own personal tax. Whitehat expressing his anger through his hat flaring up is some great visual expression for a guy with no face. Jamison has some excellent expressiveness using her hands as well, and the final gag of Whitehat's possessions being repossessed works hilariously.
I noticed by the end of the comic there are very few full body shots in this comic, and most shots are drawn of a character either in profile or very near it. I think varying the angle in future comics could improve the flow and effect of dialogue.

Your shading here has some great effect to it, and helps immensely in selling the impact of some shots. I am a big fan of SPYKE BAWLZ, and his inclusion was very funny. Your comedy writing as a whole in this comic is exxcellently done, and has the grimy black comedy feel of some 2000 AD strips. Your sound effect typography is also stunning - looking forward to seeing more of Whitehat.
I would recommend getting access to a scanner to help translate your paper pages over to digital without any lighting issues, as some pages grow progressively darker as they go downwards.

It's unfortunate you weren't able to clean up the pages because it's very evident that these are well composited and your base lines are really strong. However the scan/photo nature damage the readability and make some panels quite hard to parse. Storywise it's pretty straight and too the point which I appreciate but I think if you had had one more page to either establish Spike Bawlz or dealt with him then the flow of the comic would have been vastly improved. As it stands his abrupt appearance and Whitehat making quick work of him doesn't provide as much info about Whitehat or his powers as I would have liked. The small amount of dialogue between Whitehat and Jamison at the start and end of the fight do do a lot to establish their relationship in a few panels which was really well done. Ultimately this comic really left me wanting more! Hope we get to see more of your work on a timeline where you're able to really stretch your wings.

What I really loved about this was it was not just a great short interaction between two characters but it was also a wonderful intro to Jamison as a character that makes me interested in seeing where the character goes from here. Without clunky exposition I now know what Jamison's personality, goals and methods are, with a little bit of a mystery around how their agency functions. Artwork was very clear and everything was super readable. It's always hard to make a conversation between two people dynamic but it would have been nice to see some internal thoughts represented or perhaps some flashback panels to establish the "crimes" that Whitehat committed. Ultimately a really polished comic that did a great job of showcasing both fighters!

I wish you finished this comic. It was looking so good. I did have a hard time reading the pencil text but I think I got it figured out on the second try. Despite the unfinished look, I did love the energy in your pencils while they still look very detailed - including the big baddie that you introduced. Even the SFX ended up looking nice. Your rough/old-school comic style has always been one of my favorite things from you. The quip about lazy susan was hilarious though I was confused as to why White Hat thought Spyke was insulting the footwear (maybe he meant the hat?). I really like the unwilling/accidental partners approach you did here for the story. These two have a fun dynamic that I love seeing in every media.

Holy damn Onion! This is a gorgeous comic. I appreciate the details you added in the background and the grayscale palette actually added to the rainy day mood. VERY CLEVER use of White Hat's smoke/flame to denote his confusion by making it to a shape of a question mark on page 2 (especially since he has no face to show this). I did not even think of the possibility of utilizing that to illustrate his mood/emotions. The conversation was 'mundane' but from these two fantastical characters, it felt extra interesting. I never thought I'd read a comic about taxes and still feel very entertained hah! Your paneling is also excellent. Very well done overall!

It's too bad it looks like you weren't able to finish this one, because what you have so far looks fantastic. Great action, funny dialog, some crazy cool layouts and composition. Spyke Bawlz is a true king, we hardly new ye. I particularly love the bottom right of the first page, both characters cast in silhouette.

Most of my criticisms here are fairly surface level: just all of the remaining work needed to take this comic to the finish line. Ink the lines, render out the backgrounds, dialog bubbles, paneling... there's a tidy little story being told with tons of atmosphere, so this is still really enjoyable and readable overall!

So much attention to detail here! How about that hallway? And little Billy with the hat?

Love the crisp linework and value/shading everywhere. Jamison's intro to the scene hanging upside down outside made me laugh. A hardened badass being defeated by bureaucracy is always a great punchline to me, and both characters fill their roles in the story perfectly.

Only some minor qualms here: one or two typos, and in a few panels I feel Jamison gets lost against the background clouds due to lack of contrast. Nothing significant enough to take me out of this thoroughly enjoyable comic! Great work on this one.

I'm screaming 'cause those sketches are so wild and I wish I could look at the finished pages. That's the only reason behind that 2 stars I gave on artwork. Really unfortunate that it's incomplete.
The writing is great and gives a great idea of how the characters work, without giving away anything in a too explicit form. The whole story is just so much fun to read!! Paneling is also very well done, it shows that it's not the first time that you do comics.
The last page, with that Whitehat pose. God. So cool. I need to see more!

Lineart and greys: great job. Also, big fan of the environments you did here. They're very well studied, I could get lost looking at those corridors. I also love the attention to details on both characters! That flaming question mark on Whitehat's top is genius. Some great, great scenery in general.
My big take for the overall work is that I think it's a bit slow. You could've done this comic in fewer panels, 'cause the character interact kind of slowly and Jamison takes a while to get their message along. Try reducing the amount of things they say!
Love Billy so much. What a good cat.

HEATHEN- Haha, I cant get over how Jamison looks like David Tennant in your style and I love it. There's some great potential mapped out here panel to panel. Starting from that overhead establishing shot down to the graffiti wall white hat is lying against. It's also kinda neat to see the pre production behind the curtain with your art notes in your panels like 'tome' and x's to black fill. Got classic habits to have when comicking. You got the makings of something solid here.

If there's one thing I'd challenge you with going forward its committing to an idea. You have the blessing and curse of having so many concepts, thoughts, pitches and directions when it comes to your comics, I've noticed it ends up locking you in place as you try to explore them all, resulting in unfinished work.

ONION- The grayscales really make this. Nice shadows, great contrast. It's so easy to do grayscale and have it all kinda bleed together, but this is definitely not the case. you even opted to make some of your SFX text white instead of black, which really gives it a great pop. It's little details like that, that definitely impress.

Also, using Whitehats white hat to make a question mark? Super clever! I also dig the letterhead of Jamisons company. That logo is slick!

I'd say if there's anything I'd challenge you to try, its pushing your angles Panel to panel, I see most of your shots are straight on or side to side. You have some nice moments like on page 2 in the 6th panels where we get this over the shoulder shot- more of this! Get more dynamic with your shots, focus on elements other than the characters even (like that neat panel where we get a look at the tax forms). Sometimes letting the characters talk while getting a look at an umbrella could be a nice subtle herald to it raining soon (if that makes sense). Things like that.

First of all, Whitehat stan over here (I know, Ill get in line). But nice comic! Your draftship is truly impressive, so its just a pleasure to see these pencils. Theres a really interesting collage effect from having used and formatted the photos of the pencils that would be very interesting to see pushed further (knowing that it wasnt the intention[?]) in later entries perhaps. The storyline is punchy, funny and theres some really juicy action panels (Also a shout out to wicked panel composition!). ON the flip side, I found myself wanting a little more context for the characters situation. As entertained as I was, I was a bit lost on what their relationship was meant to be. As I said though, I cant get enough of this OC, and it's so great to see your work in any stage of development!

Your brilliant, crisp artwork really pumps life into these characters and world, which makes this delightfully mundane situation all the more entertaining. The characters individual personalities are really well represented, I hear their voices clearly. That said, I felt there was just a touch TOO much mundanity in the plot, and though the gag at the end is really funny, I still wanted more emotional arc. I liked the flow of the pages and compositions, they worked well, but here too I could imagine pushing the dynamism of the characters positions and the "camera angle" on them a little further. All in all I still very much enjoyed reading this and Im very intrigued by this OCs journey!

It's a shame it's not more complete, but these are week long deadlines, I think we can all sympathize. Even with it being pencils, the composition and flow of all your panels are great!

I LOVE the writing in this, your characterization of both Whitehat and Jamison are really well done, and hint at their relationship and more worldbuildy things without beating us over the head with it or exposition dumping and I think it's great! I love their implied history and casual work buddies vibe, it makes me want to see more of the two of them! I didn't know what to expect from Whitehat personality wise, but I wasn't expecting his being an easy breezy casual blue collar murder machine, I love it.

Okay so I love Billy. I love that Billy is just hanging out and meowing and living his best life.

ALSO WOW great job getting that much work done within a week! Your backgrounds are.... intimidating to look at! The setting is well established and well drawn and I want some of your power. Your whole comic is full of fun little details, my faves being that Whitehat's key is actually a cute little gun and the Hamilton poster. One note I might have is that I didn't quite realize Jamison was floating outside of the window until a second readthrough and I saw panel 6 on page 2, maybe a shot from outside could have helped with that, but I'm kind of nitpicking. Also, I just now realized how many panels you had on each page and none of them felt that crowded, so great job!

I like how your comic is mostly just Jamison showing up and giving Whitehat an invoice, but it feels full and interesting!

I like this comic. Despite the sketchy lines and text, it's still clear what's happening in it. I love the action in this comic, and that panel in the third page!! Can't imagine how gory it would've looked in the final cut. Definitely shows off the powers and capabilities of our lad whitehat. Now, I've said that the comc is clear despite the sketchy lines, but I can't say the same for the text in pages 2 and 3. I assume it was due to time constraints and probably me reading this comic on a tablet screen instead of a PC. But overall, this comic still slapped. Hood on ya 👍👍

ONION! The comic slapped!! I loved theart and interactions in this so much. The art is so clean and well made, and I loved the backgrounds. I also loved Whitehat's cat. Love how in most panels it's in, is mostly peeking and going "myow". I wanna hold it in my arms so bad. I also want to talk about the plot. I feel bad for Whitehat for having to put up with all the taxes that he didn't even know they existed. As for Jamison. I still wonder what kind of person she is besides, y'know, taxes. She seems pretty cool and I hope to see more of her in the future. Overall, great comic. 👍👍👍

Knowing what you planned for comic wise I know it sucks not finishing the thing. But what you did upload is entertaining. I really enjoy the dialogue, each character has a ton of personality and is really fun to read. Also love, love the way you really capture old school grunge comics in a lot of your expressions. Some of this would not have been out of place in a Heavy Metal or 2000 AD comic. ALso really liked the expressions of Jamie and the douchbag spikey man. The man got what he deserved. Can't wait for more White hat!

Onion, you know i love Jamie already. I also really enjoy how he comes of as rather chill about it rather then an dry stickler. The punky, very british feel of James is spot on and I thoroughly enjoy his interactions with white hat. I also really loved how chill and natural the dialogue was despite dealing with something like multi-verse taxes lol. The punchline is greatly helped by the way you set Jamie up as reasonable only for some other agent just taking all white hats shit.Your style artwise, is very pleasant and easy to read. You get a sort of grungyness into your lineart and rendered grays that I really appreciate. Also props on the backgrounds, that stuff aint easy.

You know, despite the fact that this wasn't finished all the way, I loved the character you have in each of your panels and drawings. I can see a lot of how you want this to go and I really want to see you do more with this character. Compared to some of your previous works, I can see this character having a lot more potential for some depth to them and their motives. That may sound a little silly given that they're just here hunting someone and then kills them for spitting on his shoes, but The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly definitely stand as fine examples that 'everyone has a story'.

I know there's a lot of things that demand your time on your end, so even with that in mind, I appreciate that you gave us a full story and some fine looking sketches. Hopefully next time you'll be able to devote more resources to it, cause I really want people to see that finished work that we both know you're capable of pulling out. I'm anticipating the next time you get in the ring. Great work!

Jamison has grown on me, hard. She's a very fun character and I love that she's clearly loving what she's doing. I know that's been your intent behind their personality and I would say you're succeeding on that front. I can really see her having a ton of potential for growth and that makes me all the more excited to see where you plan to take her. The story immediately grabbed me and I love this simple exchange. I'm super curious under what authority she works under and just what her organization and boss look like. I can see her doing this all the time and that makes it all the more interesting to me for that reason.

I'm a little surprised that with how much line-work you're using in this, you don't rely on solid blacks for your art more. I can both appreciate how much you did those backgrounds outside and simultaneously think some more solid blacks would have helped carry some of the depth on it. While I won't say that Jamison gets lost against the background, she does begin to merge a little bit with it, since you're working with same line-widths and tones, it can make some of the details and even the image as a whole get a little 'mixed', if you understand what I mean. This is a problem that only really rears its head on the first page, after that you've got that gradient doing most of the heavy lifting and we don't see her against so much detail anymore which helps a lot.

All in all, this one was a slam dunk of a first comic. I hope anyone who's reading this tournament and is wondering just how they can get their start in Oculama takes notice, cause this is a cracker of a good start. Excellent work, can't wait to read more from you!

I really love from what I can read how white hat is written I love the mixing of a a lot of robot tropes and how he speaks in a lot of southernisms it is a fun blending of the two, I feel it goes with out saying how great this comic could be but it seems that you couldnt finish it for what ever reason and its a shame I think the hardest part for me was trying to read the text a lot of it got messy and difficult to read but what I can see in there is really great!

I really love how consistent your artwork is through out this entire comic it and the line art is soo much fun to see with all the little details on the characters and the environments but I am not sure how much I enjoyed this comic maybe it is just because of my sense of humor, I did get a chuckle at the ending but a lot of the discussion about taxs and what is owed just didnt feel like a good fit for white hat, I really wish it was a little more creative but maybe the entire joke of it being mundane just isnt for my taste.

Onion! your art quality in the short amount of time you had to do it is amazing! It reminded me of the style of the Cybersix comics I used to read. The setup is great and I like the banter between the two characters. though I do find it a bit hard to place the feeling that I had while reading but I was expecting a bit more conflict maybe or some long con throughout; and then you closed the deal on the last page with the repo joke! I think you captured the slight quirky/anamoly -esque fell of Jamison quite well and I got a great feel for whitehat as well from there responses. Similar to Papersalesman you both did a great job of making these two characters and there interactions with each other feel really organic and unrelated I liked how one of you went with first meeting approach and A "we've had several meetings" approach to the two characters

Ok to start off Your Opening 2 panels!? Super Striking and make a great impression of you art style and the feel of the character just from the pose and the white hat on a gray paper background is amazing!. The only mark against it is that is was a bit hard to tell Whitehat is leaning on a wall/smoking in the 2 and 3rd panel. Page 2 OH MAN PAGE F**KIN 2 is one of the single best introductions for someone I know is about to get killed off I've read in a very long time so hats off you!. You did such a good job making me laugh and designing Spike Bawls( right down to his self sponsorship stickers on his neck) that entertainment factor shot up just from him and his dialogue alone! though. Your third page is great too that zoom in action shot of whithat punching through spike and the frame is stellar but the conclusion does seem a bit rushed towards the end and some of the details got lost as well( i assume due to time as it is cruel) but I do love that overall it was such a western style comical interaction between the two character that I could tell they knew each other well enough and it carried a bit easier for a quick skit moment! felt like these two have fun adventures off camera and you carried that feeling through your whole comic which I loved. Almost forgot the facial expressions for Jamison? sooo good!

Despite its sketchiness, this comic was a delight to follow! The use of pure white for White Hat's..uh. hat in the first page really helped him stand out from the paper tone, and if anything I wish you would have had more time to continue that blocking for the rest of the comic. Aside from that, your panelling was gorgeous! I love some of the perspective shots you chose, and the slip into action was so casual, it sells White Hat's character really well. I also love the sense of humour here! There are some excellent bits here, and they're integrated into the narrative that you almost miss them on the first read, exactly how I like my jokes. Fantastic work!

Well this was just a delight frankly. As always, your lineart is impeccable, I love how much texture you imply on every surface, especially considering how consistent the weights are. Writing-wise, I think it's good, but suffers from First Comic Syndrome, which on one hand means that you're getting a lot of your expositing out of the way (good!) but also means that this kinda boils down to two people in a hallway discussing taxes. That's not to say this is boring! Quite the opposite, your dialogue is well done and does a lot to characterize these two (I love how friendly Jamison is while still being extremely ominous), I'm just very interested to see where you can take Jamison now that you've established the basics of their system! Nice work!

Some very promising looking artwork here, both re: the character designs and the composition of your action panels. I feel like things fall apart a bit in the latter half, where I was less able to parse what exactly was happening in the fight, and more importantly, not really able to make out what Jamison was doing at the very end. Clarity aside, I'm genuinely impressed that you fit this narrative into three pages, between the action and conveying larger-world applications of the fight. I'm excited to see more of your storytelling in this or future continents in weeks ahead.

I'm really digging your art here! The building looks terrific, and conveys a sort of dingy-ish but comfy vibe. I like how you rendered the rain as well. Artistically the faces (well, just Jamison's) could have been a bit more expressive, but that's a nitpick. Story wise, I do think this dragged a bit; the explanation of the taxes owed went on longer than I think was needed, without being especially...engaging? Interesting? And the gag at the end of the comic seems to contradict what Jamison says earlier, but doesn't feel like it's a punchline to the earlier dialogue either. Still, this is a really well-put together piece; I think it just needs to be a bit punchier.

lol ligma bawlz

With that out the way, I adore the art style. While it is still in the sketching stage, the detail, motion and characters design all shines through and tickles a fancy of mine in particular. It's a style that *feels* good to look at. I'm not sure if the unfinished look of the comic was intentional, or just doing what you can working with the time you had, but with the exceptional of a single panel's dialogue, I found it had no impact on the readability. You came up with a way to depict a fight, AND thwart your opponent without actually resorting to an OC fist-fight, which is always nice to see.

The art in this is great, four full pages in which the attention to detail to the characters, their location and toning remains consistent and high quality. The plot has a nice pay-off, but the writing perplexes me a little. There are 13 panels to communicate that Whitehat owes taxes, that they did not realise they should be paying. The thought had crossed my mind that the dry topic (not an issue in and of itself) and dialogue were part of the joke, that it was Sahara dry humour. If that is the case, I applaud you, but that kind of humour can be VERY hard to land in a comic and relies a lot on character expression to communicate the mood, which makes Whitehat in particular a difficult vehicle for this kind of comedy. If it wasn't dry humour, than it could use some brevity to communicate the same message, leaving room for more meaty material. You have the art skills to go the distance, you absolutely are a contender! But in future it would be great to see your art used for something more stimulating than a conversation about taxes in an empty corridor. Unless that was the point. In which case, good job!

Shame you couldnt get to inks because these sketches are gorgeous, the way you draw Jamison with the sharp angles is chef's kiss magnificent! my only real gripe is that in the spit panel on page 2 it took a second to recognise exactly what was happening but clear upon reading the next panel Overall a really punchy energetic and fun time which is exactly as long as it needs to be, well written and well executed with goreous paneling and powerful poses and great humor mixed in. I also loved how you utilised the SFX they felt really punchy and really emphasised the power that White hat possesses

Onion! Lovely inks as always love the dedication to each detail and each panel you draw its truly outstanding. the greyscale render is also a great touch as it allows Whitehat to standout and 'glow' in each panel he appears, the window joke was also a nice touch i love the intentionallity of each action being depicted no matter how small. tiny quibble some kind of opacity would've been nice on the window so you could better tell when it was actually open. The pacing on page 2 seems quite slow for me a lot of waffling about taxes that im not sure add all that much to the story in play here. I love the breif pause as whitehat enters his apartment before he notices all his stuff repo'd and how you ustilised the plume on the hat to depict emotions on a faceless character