Layout: Paper Salesman
Inking and Lettering: Paper Salesman
Voting is closed.
This one's a ton of fun, and it's telling of your respective years of expertise in comic-crafting that all that fun also comes with a tremendous amount of heart, and an even display of the personalities for all 4 OCs involved.
The twins are a delight, of course, and their dynamic adds a nice bit of levity to the comic, while also bolstering the tension and peril that Spyke brings from the get-go.
This comic lets Gar do quite a lot, and shine brightly in a way that delivers on the catharsis, especially if you've read his backstory on the site. I appreciate too how this was accomplished without very much dialogue, though on the note of dialogue, I would only comment that his lines as he runs to save the temple do feel a bit beyond a child. I feel like it might have been perfect without any dialogue from him at all, potentially.
Very little to critique with the art - trackable action, dynamic compositions (the twins fighting over the controls was a TREAT), and action shots that almost let the reader feel each blow and blast. My only two (admittedly wee) quibbles would be that: 1) the sequence of the twins' ship crashing into the Bawlz ship feels like it could better communicate the fact moment when they punched through the side of it (we get a bit of debris flying on page 5 but I did a double-take on my first read-through because I thought I might have missed something), and 2) it was unclear to me what Gar was blasting on the way up through the temple (was he blasting down walls to make a quicker ascent to the top? was he meant to be deflecting additional missiles? I could see either working, but couldn't figure out what exactly the intent was).
The designs are a standout in my book. The Bawlz ship is at once awe-inspiring and laughable (in the best kid of way), the monastary is gorgeous, and Spyke hisself is a proper mountain of a brute. Even the small touches, like the (official!) Bawlz escape pod, the gun turrets, and the silhouette of Gar showing the flow of energies within, are all tasty nuggets in his buffet of great design choices.
Stellar comic overall; you've brought some tremendous characters to this tournament, and done equally smashing work breathing electricity into your opponents' OCs.
A LOT going on in these ten pages, and that's a really good thing, because it's all super-fun.
The horror-monster conceit was a terrific choice that definitely wouldn't have been my first instinct for this collection of OCs, but it's a choice that pays off in gangbusters. The juxtapositions, both of these roided-out looking hulks of characters against the legitimate fear of the ghost, and the twins letting their squabble completely undermine their attempts to safely navigate the ghost's presence, serve up both horror and comedy in pleasing doses. The monster design is also a treat, and the moment of the de-fleshening is quite the memorable splash panel.
I'm really rather into the art shift that happens once the ghost is released - the sudden haziness/ darkness/ thickness of the art lends itself to the sudden state of unease that (I'm guessing?) you were going for. The biggest drawback of this is that some of the pages became difficult enough to parse that I felt I, as a reader, was getting diminishing returns for the effect the art shift had. Not impossible to parse, mind you, but just enough that I was moving slower through the panels than seemed warranted.
(Minor note - I also would have loved to see the urn getting smashed; it almost feels like there was a key panel omitted where the critical moment of releasing the Obari ghost occurs.
Very few gripes with the art otherwise; it's clear where it needs to be clear, tense where it needs to be tense, and absolutely chilling at the climax.
Slowing down at the opening to focus on the twins was a strong decision, imo, and one that let the reader sink their teeth into them to both establish precedent for their behavior in the face of gruesome death later on, but also to give these characters a respectable span of pagespace to breath as characters before dying. It's the sort fo consideration that I love seeing OCT participants giving their opponents.
Also on the note of OC treatment, I like how well this encounter works as a bonding moment through trauma for Spyke and Gar. their tea sip at the end was a great punctuation mark on the whole story.
Splendid work overall; really got a kick out of this one!
I was already being drawn in by the goofy premise of our terrible twins riding on Mr. Bawlz like the man was a spaceship. That was funny, it was also funny that they basically stumbled into Gar, accidentally ruined an urn...and then I had an extremely hard time tracking what was happening. I mean I know that the twins were flayed, I know that they knocked over an urn, but the fact that the rest of the comic just wasn't finished made it really hard to actually understand what was happening. The fact that you basically turned in what was half thumbnails made it hard to track! Having the twins be doomed by their own bickering is a fun idea but it's all just kind of hamstrung by the fact that what you had was just incomplete.
Story wise this FEELS like the actual introduction of Southpaw and Orthodox. Like we got the cliffsnotes of the two in their initial art, but NOW we see how they actually engage and interact with the world. And they're as destructive a force as Mr. BAWLZ is. Having the two being a whirlwind of chaos atop a straightforward story makes them feel like invaders, like I was reading a story about plucky resistance and then Abbott and Costello bumbled in.
About the only thing that felt clunky was that start with Gar's internal monologue. I feel like there could have been a better way to establish how Gar felt about the monastery that he held so dear but was so frustrated with, but I also understand that might've brought the pagecount higher than what was maybe intended/possible in the timeframe.
I mean given how this feels like it was straight out of 2000AD already I think what's here is stunning and those two weeks were spent polishing what you had to a mirror sheen.
Writing this as I go.
LOVE the art style right off the bat. Great stark black and white look, the classic comix look you've got going on is wonderful. If only you'd been able to carry that level of finish throughout the story. Really good pay-off in the end, you mentioned the evil spirit in the start and let us know it was not to be brushed off. Your character dynamics are great, but the comic really suffers from looking so unfinished. It is not hard to read what happens, but the low-resolution (what I assume are thumbnails blown up to full-page size) sketches don't lend themselves to studying closely. I can't say much more about it than that, going forwards I hope to see more of your polished work, because your few finished pages really show off your skill.
Writing this as I read this, forgive any linguistic oddities.
I've been looking forward to this collab. The twins interacting nearly as one single character is done really well, I think. Your environments read nicely, and it's easy to keep track of the different interiors/environments. You introduce the various characters very efficiedntly. I really would have liked to see your tones be more uniform, I think it is distracting to have the sketchy brushstrokes. Your ending is great, with the little piece of philosophy accompanying a gag. I am looking forward to seeing more of these two! I think the comic you've made suffers a little bit from the rapid pace, next time I hope to see a story that allows itself to rest at times. I also think your visual expression will benefit from a cleaner, more uniform kind of toning.
I'm bummed to have to mark this down so much for being unfinished, especially since what you did give us is phenomenal. Spyke's emergency landing and the Mayhem Twins' turbo-flensing are genuinely stunning images and I'd have loved to see that ghost in full HD.
Writing-wise, it's a solid setup and reading Gar's dialogue in Rolf's voice is very fun. I do think Spyke got the short end of the stick as far as things to do, though, and he seemed a bit more taciturn than I'd expect from someone composed of liquid space meth.
Overall, the comic was good enough to make me lament that there wasn't more.
It takes a special sort of talent to make a beautiful and largely wordless story of redemption and the power of community, simultaneously stage a Loony Tunes donnybrook between three idiots, and somehow make the combination enhance them both
Art-wise, the background, character models, and mechanical greebles were very much on point. Molo and Mick did a great job of conveying the sheer scale of destruction at play without neglecting the fine details.
At its core, this was just an extremely fun comic, maintaining the manic energy of a hyper-violent cartoon without sacrificing the one straight man's pathos. Can't wait for the next episode.
Ah, this comic is so beautifully dramatic in its absurdity. It takes such strange petty characters deadly serious, and the art blends so well with the story in this aspect it's beautiful. Even the text treatment is great, it's got a strong compositional sense. There's a lot of comic history on display here, it's clear you know your stuff. Your ability to on the fly change the final look so that the impending timer actually affected the art was brilliant, even if it didn't work for every page. I kind of wish we could see the characters play off each other a bit more, but that feels like a subjective desire rather than a full criticism. Great comic!
Meanwhile, this comic rather takes the ridiculousness and amps it up to the most exaggerated degree. The approach works just as well, every line feels like a golden gag. The art here has such a dynamic blast energy to it, complex backgrounds are established really efficiently and characters are so easy to read but feel alive. The tone switch between this absurd comedy and the sincere Gar trying to keep his home together doesn't always work, but some of his panels have a sweet beauty to them that shines through. Also a little thing, the rocket crash page is a bit confusing visually. The final panels clear it up better, thankfully. Super fun!
while i like the initial conceit of the round and what it tries to do with the characters, obviously it falls into some hurdles with being unfinished. Aside from that it feels weird that this monk character is just around to do finger of death strikes and tea ceremonies. What is complete feels pretty nice those first pages do at least pack a good punch with some good spot blacking and overall panel and page composition.
Good fx work as well, and i do appreciate a hearty usage of your opponents characters that is always appreciated in any OCT comic, genuinely a great use of the dynamic
WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS ONLY TWELVE PAGES? Sweet jesus fuck this thing felt so dense, every character gets their moment in the sun and it all feels weaved together so perfectly.
Shading and staging, backgrounds and environments all so on POINT its SO GOOD TO BE BACK AAA Such a good balance of characters even when certain ones dont get dialogue but it still shows their characterization and their relationship to the actual world they inhabit its so ACEEE
Its an in and out, quick 1 round 12 page adventure
It don't get much better than this. Please more. now. <3
GOddddddddd i fucking love this. It's got solidly construction, concise and funny dialogue, great character moments and walks that excellent line between complete stupidity and hardcore murder. The finished art is so awesome and punchy. I also really like this comic explaining the unlikely alliance between Spike Bawlz and Gar-- they're an odd couple and this just highlights how they're surviving together against the odds. You have great body language on display too, so even with the rougher thumbs later on it's clear how much character is coming through on that alone.
Crits I have are I think a bit obvious-- the art didn't get finished, of course. It's a credit to your thumbs that the remaining story carries as well as it does, but I do pine for what could have been. I think the tea jar ceremony situation was a fun and exciting complication, but a little bit sudden/left field thematically? even something minor like seeing Gar doing something tea-related prior to the Trouble Trio smashing into his house and fucking things up. I'm kinda splitting hairs though since it's all still so strong.
I LOVED the brutality of the death and it INSPIRES me to get YUCKY with GORE in the future hehehehe >:3 Keep it up!!!!
guys i have been losing my shit over this since it first dropped, nothing in my life will fill the space in my heart that is now filled by your stupid idiot twinsies and also Spyke Bawlz. Punchy, immediate, violent and hilarious. Drawing a complicated space motorbike in perspective only to crash it forever a page later, and then replacing it with a fucking cylinder is such a funny flex. you basards. This feels like a 90's kid show designed to sell plastic toys and I'm buying up babeyyyyyy
The inks have a beautiful weight to them and are really nicely complimented by the spot greys. The fact that the whole comic is consistent in its style/polish is really remarkable, and I actually love that it's got one of the shorter page counts this round. I think you gave Gar a really cool hero moment too while also making sense of his death finger situation, and with minimal dialogue. It's hard to find something to crit!! making my life tough guys!!!!!!! If I have to pull for it, I guess maybe it's that some panels, like Bawlz getting turbo blasted, might have benefited from a bit more environmental detail to add to like, the impact, or to the context of the ship taking damage? Im being desperate, I really think you guys knocked this one out of the dam park, well dong <3
Me, page 1, trepidacious: Are they. Going to juice? Mr Bawlz.
Alas Mr Spike Bawlz lacks in the landing gear department.
Can I just say Gar is so Shaped in the protection pose.
TEA PARTY WITH THE EVIL GHOST DEMON. Magnificent.
jgfkvhjdkf fucking Unravels Your Corporeal Body.
A very fun adventure, kudos on the writing! Great dialogue with the bickering, you know they've been going back and forth on these arguments repeatedly forever. Especially liked that bit about the auto-matron. Truly each others' worst enemy. Also like how the threat of the urn monster forced Spike Bawlz to not be a massive dickhead to his new buddy.
GOTTA LOVE A NICE "BUNCH OF BUILDINGS ON MOUNTAINTOPS CONNECTED BY PRECARIOUS BRIDGES" LOCATION- HGRIJSHIGFJESIFHSE THE FUCKING ENERGY DRINK CAN ASS SPACESHIP.
WHAT A PERSONALITY. I know that's already in his character page description but it'd be a great KSBD-style boss title pop-up.
Ooh nice touch bringing in Gar's backstory resentment.
The twins would lose at QWOP so bad LMAO.
The way they flail as he shakes them out of the debris hehe.
Juicing him like a lemon.
That chakra diagram is Sick as Fuck.
Popped him like a soup dumpling.
Aww nuts polluting the river Gar was collecting water from at the start.
WHAT CAN I SAY. S TIER COMIC.
Y'know how someone made Gatorade ramen. ...That but with Bawlz Juice.
This comic's opening is super strong! I love the start in space, the immediate bickering, the introduction, the silhouette against spot blacks, really just digging it all! The first third's backgrounds are immaculate, the lines and actions are spectacular and THAT HUGE SPLASH on page 3 is just to die for!
With the like, sketch page of I also really dug those lines, but I worry that the whole Kaluta pose thing may not have been the best route to go? As well, the bit where the cat twins die felt kind of unattached? Like I was able to get the horror vibes and its hard to tell people apart when their skin gets torn off, but it didn't really feel like you could identify that they were the ones dying, and as an immediate result of their mistake, beyond the teeth being sharp, and it kind of loses a touch of the drama because of how impersonal it feels.
I enjoy the shift to the more pixel-arty ways a ton, I realized further in that it was due to needing to rush a little, but the way you chose that shift to occur when the spirit appeared worked to make it feel real in tune with the comic!
OOugh really enjoyed this comic as well! The start is incredibly strong, the character depictions are hitting, the plot riveting, and the art killing! Starting the comic off with Bawls attacking Gar's village only to get side shot by the Hands really ruled, loved the action and the jokes(The fact Bawlz basically only shouts and exclamations is so funny) in each and every panel where those 3 were! Can't emphasize enough how good the visuals are, and really enjoyed your action and paneling! So many of your panel choices in this comic feel like, super sensical yet ingenius? I hope that makes sense!
The biggest like, hit against this comic would probably be that Gar doesn't feel as tied into it as a whole? Like, he doesn't interact directly with the other characters until the very end, which can be done well, and is in your comic! But him being side lined kind of makes his death more of a shock and a bit sudden? It felt like he was suddenly withering away into dust without the foreshadowing to show that would be the result, though given your juggling 4 characters I can get why it would be hard to cram that as well into the 10 pages while maintaining the stellar page compositions.
listen listen you guys cant be putting out this high quality stuff and making me choose which steak dinner was better cause im just gonna say both of your meals are too delicious to quantify by atoms of difference in excellence.It pains me that this particular match may not be a draw because you did such a friggin stellar job of utilizing all the cast for such a close tidy storyline. first off you did an amazing job of getting your opponents established not only in how they are getting to the setting but also your partner as well! I absolutely loved loved lovvved the banter between the two twins and the " look at these two train wrecks failing upward lol" dialogue you gave them was great and showcased the fatal flaw early on for the pair while still being 1000% hilarious and organic especially your partners BAWLZ absolute golden reaction to waking up falling from orbit! I love that you created a great reason for gar to be there and story really felt like it wasnt swappable with any of the other oc's in the roster but I will say I do feel a bit sad that Gar didn't do much spirit gunning as that was kinda like seeing Goku not fire a kamehameha it just feels off a little bit even if he has other techniques. that being said you did a great job in playing into the secluded monk angle of Gar's character with the sealed evil in a jar and the amazingly hilarious ritual and protective posing. I will say the only part of the art shift that threw me off was on page 6 panel 2 I wasnt certain if that was supposed to be a bird or Gar talking in the shadows but I still loved the semi pixelated? shift in art once my eyes adjusted to it and i could follow the movements easily everywhere else but that one panel. The meat of the pixal shadow segment was amazing and really gave an amazing jumpscare for the Fuckin absolutely BRUTAL flaying panel( I MEAN REALLY GDAMN), that being said I kinda wanted a little more banter between the two groups as if did feel like the interaction couldnt have happened without the characters together but the impending doom of the demon made it so even Gar and Bawlz didnt get to speak much to each other which is saddening only because it feels like we missed some really good beefy battle that happened between bawlz and the twins and then bawlz and gar didnt speak to each other much at all. I still have to say though the quick moving narrative still is great and its that sadness from still feeling hungry for more of these pairs together because u did so well that it makes me wish one of these teams didnt have to die and we could see more of this story pushed out a little further. <3 (death comics are so beautiful and this is no exception) I cant wait to see whats next for Gar and Bawlz if you win this round
I will reiterate that both of these comics are steak dinners of the highest caliber and you should all check your smoke if detectors are working for all this fire you guys were putting into these amazingly well crafted comics! to start off YOU DID A FRIGGIN AMAZING JOB WITH BAWLZ the whole way through the comic and every moment was like watching a cracked out gazelle dancing between rain drops with how much perfectly honed vulgar and hilarious dialogue you gave him! I also very much like Gar in this and like your opponent you did a super good job of creating a very unique setting that only really worked with your opponent's characters and gave Gar amazing time to shine in action but a little bit lacking in terms of character depth for him based off his bio info. I actually kinda liked the twins in this as they were a strange chaos factor to what essentially was already a crazy luck of the draw hometown threat and they were funny the entire time but they didn't seem to do much with Gar which I think is just a byproduct of just how much screen time BAWLZ and his ship demanded for plot purposes. Gar while low on dialogue gave the biggest impact to the story from those absolutely BEAUTIFUL spirit gun shots with the perspective,windup, and show of impact being super satisfying to see and made him dying wordlessly kinda sad for doing such an impactful part of driving the plot via being a silent protag if that makes any sense? Lastly I know I touched on it earlier but you did a splendid job of making the Twins so likable just off being agents of chaos to the story and I absolutely love that they work so well together one moment and then instantly bickered and fought each other the next really captured that sibling dynamic ( at least with my siblings when we were growing up) and I cant wait to see more of them if you guys win this round as well!
The finished artwork and pencils in this comic are fantastic and there are great expressions on the characters. Unfortunately while the composition and panelling are all good, the unfinished nature of some of the pages make legibility an issue and at some points it was a bit unclear what was happening. I'm sure that with more time the finished pages would be much more clear, and the art scoring would improve significantly. The final panel with the extended little fingies and the panel of Spyke crashing through a mountain were highlights for me.
Regards to the plot, I enjoyed the story and the interpretation of the characters. I think you got a good handle on the Mayhem Twins and I enjoyed their squabbling.
It's not really a secret that I'm a fan of this duo's art and this comic was no exception. The art is of a consistent quality throughout, with scenic landscapes, junky spaceships and characters with...well, character. Which leads in nicely to the dialogue and plot, which felt spot on for each character. Spyke doing an XTREEM warcrime for publicity, the twins being chaotic balls of energy and Gar having a redemption through sacrifice. I also enjoy the levity of Gar's plot being matched by the humour of the other characters. All the stuff with Spyke and the twins was really good comedy.
You both have tremendous skill. I really admire how you've both got such an excellent control of anatomy and expressions. It's a shame it wasn't finished, but even in an unfinished state as it is, both your skill in inking and in penciling is plain as day and it shines, even unfinished. I really enjoyed the story and thought it was a funny little setup, especially since I can imagine the twins messing it up. While I don't know if you both intend to finish it, I am very excited to see what you both end up doing next. Good work!
Terrific work right out of the gate, as I would expect from both of you. The story was funny and amusing - definitely get some great sibling vibes from these two and I love their banter.
The thick shadows worked very well for both the background work and the characters. Sticking with grayscale worked to your benefit as it gave everything a good quality to let the line-art shine more. Your expressions, your action, everything came together nicely and you both are displaying a solid partnership here. I am extremely excited to see what you both do next round, these two are growing into a fast favorite. Excellent work, you two!
Its such a shame you guys ran out of time on this! it looks like it was shaping up to be a really solid comic, and i do appreciate you posting the thumbs regardless so we could see how it was supposed to go. The art you do have up is impressive- super clean and easy to read, even the really sketchy wip stuff. RIP photo realistic tea scene, you will be missed. unu
I know its not intentional but the most scribbly argument panels on page 8 are genuinely incredibly funny as they are. A testament to the writing, really!
Im terrified of both of you how are you so good at every part of comics. What the hell.
The voices (or portrayal, i guess, since gar doesn't really speak) of each character here are so incredibly solid- it feels like this comic is far longer than the 10 pages that it is, and i'm extra impressed that you managed a full story arc in that space without it feeling rushed or abrupt. And with little characterisation moments! "...i'm going to drink that shit" has been haunting me since i first read it.
My only slight crit is maybe bumping up the contrast on the greys a bit- your lineart is still incredibly solid and you can tell whats going on super easily, but it'd be great to see some stuff pop a bit more. Also molo what the fuck was that motorbike leave some of the talent for the rest of us
What a pair of utter knuckleheads. I LOVE IT. Funnily enough this pair pitted against the pendulum swing of opposites like Gar and Spkye is wonderful. It's admittedly a tough dynamic to balance, story wise but you two managed to interweave their respective aesthetics and dynamic really well to serve your tale. Also that Balls soda can spacecraft is a thing of beauty. It's stuff like this that makes me love comics.
I have no idea how you two split the workload because this comics coloring and inking is just seamless. I wouldn't of guessed this was a collaboration at all until I saw it listed under the Double Diamond logo. Looking forward to more from you two!
Gosh those first three pages are the promise of suuuch good stuff. the inking, the characterization and action were all on point until the creep of the deadline seemed to get the best of you. It happens to us all and I'm gutted we didnt get the full realized vision of your collaboration. Still what you managed to show was stellar and despite the roughness of the subsequent pages, we got a general idea of your set up and punchline. I also kind of love this was a great example of no setup. We are just thrust into the situation of floating in space before gravity starts crash landing this wild trio.
Spyke and Gar is such an unlikely duo but I really enjoyed how you wove their respective interest and knowledge in this weird chance meeting with some space cart clones.