If you haven't already I suggest you check out Xerxes Vs Heartwell, its not necessary but like I recommend it, because its a hype comic and like uh other reasons.
Thank you to my opponent, Cloud9 is a phenomenal character and I love them dearly. They allowed me to make this huge comic I've been itching to create so thank you.
and thank you to everyone who helped me along this way. Without all y'alls support this wouldn't be possible. there's alot of ya cause ive done a few of these oculama comics and a bunch of ya on the sidelines cheering me on, so thank you.
CLOUD9’s encounter with a queen, many things go wrong (not clickbait)
Voting is closed.
I enjoy the style of humor you brought to this comic, with the gags like Queen of Hurts suddenly disrupting the peaceful atmosphere of the first half a page, and Cloud-9's internal irritation at having to deal with her. Overall completion aside, I was a little lost on what some of the panels on page 2 were meant to show. I recognized some objects, but wasn't 100% sure what the flow/storytelling there was supposed to convey. I'm overall impressed by your ability to set the scene without overloading on text, and hope to see more of Cloud9 in the future :)
First off, EXCELLENT job of worldbuilding in this one. As far as feeling like part of a bigger universe, and making that bigger universe seem fascinating/ worth looking more into, you blew it out of the water. Your art goes a long way in that, with the generous use of colors and generally dreamy compositions capturing the multiversal aspect of our Oculama sandbox really well. The character page and recs to look at other comics goes a long way in helping the reader track exactly what's going on in the story, though I'd have liked to see maybe a tad more of that info disseminated in the comic proper. Regardless, the story is strong, and there's enough characterization here of Cloud 9 to give the ending a strong landing.
Obviously I have to begin with noting the great panel layouts), and also acknowledging the fact that it truly was the self indulgent comic, and it's GLORIOUS. I loved seeing the Nine Wizard, that other wizard and Xerxes tied into this. It really does feel nice seeing callbacks and throwbacks to other things in Oculama. Even if I didn't know who they were, I do think the blurb at the start would have barely been needed anyway since they are so well shown within context. Although I feel we didn't get to see enough from the Queen of Hurts, the others have certainly made up for it.
When artists like you say "Sorry for the comic looking like shit" I really do expect something much, much worse than what you actually churned out. The first (colored) pages actually look great! Obviously it fell off when it got limited to black and white, but even then, not signifcantly.
Of course, the elephant in the room! The comic being what I can presume is unfinished. In my infinite wisdom I will say that is usually not the play, especially when your opponent's character doesn't die and yours does in a deathmatch.
With that being said, there was a moment of amusement reading "Cloud9 fucking dies". Overall I would've really been curious to see what would have happened if you got to finish this.
I liked the flow of this comic and the trippy art work was fun to see everything that is happening. I really appreciate the attempt at an ensemble cast of characters but I feel the list of previous comics to read was exactly needed to add to the overall story but I feel pretty good about their inclusion. Im not sure how this comic results in your opponent dying but it looked nice and was a ride all the way through so I can complain too much over all good job! it was a really fun read all the way through
honestly Its hard for me to really vote on this there is a lot Im not sure how to parse the comic and what happens but I feel you knew that and just ended it which is understandable for a week long comic. I think it is important to remember people arnt owed comics and just the act of making one takes a lot out of people so no hate I hope you are able to finish a comic fully next time! Overall I commend you for putting out something to vote on but I wish it was more of a story.
you say this is a self-indulgent comic, and i get that, because i do not feel indulged myself! i'm often a fan of the sort of vague, people having conversations past one another-type narratives where what is literally happening is unclear, and i see that's sort of what you're going for here, but for the most part it just feels straight unmotivated. cloud, who has unknown power and unknown identity, also has unknown relevancy to big paint man, so they will go to an unheard-of location to take a bargain to become an unknown asset in the wizard war to gain an unknown reward—which, presumably, isn't actually unknown but death, because otherwise this isn't a death battle?? really weird thing to intentionally leave ambiguous. maybe this is more satisfying from a long-term storytelling perspective, but in the short-term for cloud, hiding all these juicy details that could really spice up what their death means past fulfilling a lack of identity makes for what i feel is an unengaging conflict. i don't wanna be all negative, because there are some super cool compositional choices here, like pages 5 and 10, portraying things metaphorically, and that's definitely the strength of the comic, it's just that writing-wise, it's a little too ambitious for me.
i'll presume this was unfinished, because of that rushed ending where you kill your own character instead of your opponent—guess there's no technical requirement that you have to...?—which always makes for a difficult judge. the style here and what little coloring you fit in is very pretty! compositionally, though, this isn't quite satisfying; every panel is a close-up, every depiction of someone's head goes no lower than the shoulders, which makes it feel like a static portrait gallery, and your opponent only gets one, which is a shame. i absolutely am not gonna critique this being a random umprompted battle, that's perfectly fine, but i will critique that the opponent taking one (1) shot, and then explaining that this is acceptable because she is capable of using her gun multiple times, and then being drawn like she's further [i]monologuing[/i](?) makes for a very unnatural pace, and even in the context of a random battle begs a rationale. cloud also doesn't seem to move a muscle in this comic, despite their ruminations. i feel like this is all stupid and needless of me to point out, because it's unfinished, and surely you made compromises on these aspects, but i can't know exactly how, so that's the critique!
Good use of color and some very nice framing. Some anatomy quibbles, particularly the fingers, but nothing game-breaking.
While the writing set out to create a big, intricate web of intrigue, I'm not sure it really landed. The cosmic implications weren't particularly compelling, and the dialogue suffered from spelling, grammar, and capitalization issues. It just seemed like it was trying to juggle too many things.
It did its job of introducing the characters, but it definitely felt less like a standalone comic and more like part one of some super crossover. All the same, it was pleasant to read and had a great visual aesthetic
I'm aware that reviews require 100 words, but I'm not certain I can provide that for a comic so unfinished. The art is functional and there were the beginnings of a story.
I genuinely apologize. I genuinely don't know how to fill the rest of the space;
[content updated by Moderator 2/10/2023 to remove off topic text]
I always look forward to reading your comics, How quickly you come up with fun, clever stories that always keep me guessing on what's gonna happen. Honestly for a weeks drawing time this is really impressive! Fully colored and 13 pages!? A cohesive story weaving in all of your characters!?
I like the coloring that you did for this and I feel like you had fun with your panel layouts for this story.
The only critique I can think of up front is some of the composition with the word balloons could use some tweaking. Most notably on page 11 with the panel of the top of the light house. it feels squished and is obscuring your background, and theres plenty of room in the panel to let everything breath if that makes sense.
Overall, strong comic man, I want MORE.
I think you had a really strong start here visually with your first page. It's a good look and style in mind.
To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what is happening between the two characters or what the initial point of conflict and the ending is a bit rushed and confusing.
I can imagine if the week long time limit may have had a factor and that's okay! It's good to at least try a challenge like this!
I'd really like to see a fully fleshed out comic from you at some point and see what you come up with!
Well I wasn't sure what to expect from the Queen, but it certainly wasn't that! Your comic definitely feels big. And not just because of the huge page count for a week of work, but the world building (and cameos!) and build up to a bigger story is very cool. I love the set up that she's being Xerxes' Silver Surfer, finding the different people he needs. It makes me want to know where it'll go next!! I love the way you focused on your opponent's character and gave her a reason to choose to go with Xerxes. I will say that that was kind of to the detriment of Queen, I still don't feel like I know much about her, other than she has a gun and works for rainbow magic satan. The vibes of the story definitely feel like she isn't the focus, but it's still a good read so it's not like I'm super mad about that.
I've loved the way you color your comics and this one is no exception, the bits with the paint especially look rad. There were a few panels where I wasn't 100% sure what was going on, but with context and the immaculate ~vibes~ I got it. Great work!
First off with the good stuff, I love the pink half tones on the first couple pages. I just happen to love half tones and the color pink, sue me! I also love the laser shot that you got to color, that vibrant pink really helped sell it. I like the set up and the little jokes you have in there, I too would want to steal my enemy's pink heart sunglasses.
I'm thinking you ran out of time to work on this? These one week deadlines are rough. I only say that because the end doesn't seem to be the end you intended. It happens to the best of us! Cloud9 is a rad character and I can't wait to see what you can do with a bit more time!
Ninja - Wow, what an epic endeavor this was and in just the span of one week. I love how you featured your characters in one epic plot plus the cameos! This is the stuff that gets me invested in characters ngl. I really like how everyone is connected and it's great to see the Oculama High School take center stage in the beginning. The ending is bittersweet though I can imagine some may miss that this is how death is depicted in the comic but I understood it fully with no problems. You really went all out with the colors as well. But yeah seriously well done and a really strong showing this first round. Bravo!
Mania - Sorry you weren't able to finish your side of the comic. It is quite hard to understand what is going on overall. But the few panels that were finished/inked were actually quite lovely. The first page had a lot of potential. I loved your use of the pink screen tones. An establishing shot would've help give us an idea on where the characters are though which is severely lacking in the comic as most panels are close up. The Queen of Hurts actually looks really good in your style. I think you got a lot of potential so I hope you continue. Perhaps try a solo comic first so you're not too pressed for time. Best of luck!
I love the time and care you put into giving your opponent's OC a great tie in to your current beginnings of your arc for the group of OC's you got brewing from other comic entries and loved the cameos you used as well! you did a great job with a beginning middle and end for the comic wrapped up neatly in a pink bow of forbidding doom. I would say you gave alot of shine to cloud 9 but didnt get much in the way of Queen of hurts motives and reason for doing thing which is fine and not much of an issues but I'd love to learn a little more from her. last of all but not least...THE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING part of your comic is the use of panels to convey travel and it pays of super well as a device to move the characters and plot along.
I laughed at the dialogue for these two and I would have loved to see the fight unfold just a bit more but was great for what was put to paper and the summary at the end made me laugh even more. I love your tones and coloring you used for the pages and I enjoyed the no sell on the head shot though I was slightly confused as I didnt realize the heart was the bullet from the cannon but that was the only confusing part of the comic as a whole. great job and looking forward to see more!
I love that its jut a wonderful expectation that when you make a comic, you are gonna worldbuild the heck out of it. the cameos! The callbacks! the tying of narratives from your opponents past and previous all have a moment to shine and its so much fun to follow. There's something bigger at stake here than two character duking it out and I for one am intrigued to see where it goes. I also especially liked the manipulation of the very building blocks of comic composition and paneling to work for the silliness of the characters traveling through the paint. Spelunking from panel to panel like they were physical panes for them to interact with was so neat.
If this is self indulgent, stay here! Its obviously a locale where you shine and produce your bet work. Keep it up!
Nice graphic style- your look really harkens to the pulpy DIY Zine style I personally love. I can totally see this Xeroxed and divvied out at an indie comic convention. I will admit your story didn't grab me, but that could be for a litany of reasons, most notably the time crunch of a deadline. I'd love to see what you'd be able to accomplish with a bigger margin of time to better introduce us to this character because they ARE compelling! It's such an inspired character design, it simply lends itself to a reader wanting to know more.
And no apologies needed- do your best! We're happy to see you in this first round
You did a good job of setting for your plot, it feels very grand and I am pretty invested with this. You also did a good job of writing cloud 9, I think you put some thought into her goals. It was also nice that she didn't die in a sense just disappeared. It was some what sweet.
I guess my only thing that I will say I would like to know more about Queen of Hurts and her goals? What is she planning to do? Why is she helping the painter who watches. I'm guessing that will explained later but I am intrested to know
The Art was also very nicely done espically for the short time you had. It was clear and understable.
I really liked the pink highlight you used for this comic. I will say that props for finishing it is hard to make a full comic in a week
One of my complaints would be that I'm a bit confused to what happend with your character? Did she die? Another point was that I feel that speech bubbles are bit wonky.
Regardless your character design for cloud 9 is intresting. I really liked how you drew her cloud head with her swirls! I also realy like some of the pink grounds you did some nice effects. I also liked the close up image of Queen's pink glasses.
The sheer scope of this comic is incredible, from the extensive lore to the fully developed characters to the location designs, all in full color... it's almost too much. Almost! You're walking this tightrope between grandiose worldbuilding and small personal moments and they play off of each other marvelously so neither is underdeveloped, it's just so impressive, and all within a week no less!
I love the mature themes and the thoughtful pace of the comic, enhanced by some truly brilliant visual choices, like cloud's monologues, the letter as like this main symbol, etc. Everything in here is just so interesting!
For a critique, I honestly had a bit of a hard time understanding the ending at first. I think what would help make it clear is more juxtaposition between the empty sky and the clouds; perhaps the "it's serene" panel could be a much wider shot to show more of the sky. That being said I like how you erred on the side of not overexplaining it because the final realization is so impactful.
Absolutely beautiful comic and it made me feel nameless emotions!!
Really love the minimalist visual style. Those halftones on the first two pages are so pleasant to look at and establish a super unique aesthetic. Your paneling is also super dynamic and accentuates the actions really well. I also really like the dry, offbeat humor you have going, where Cloud9 is just completely unfazed by the Queen trying to kill her.
I think you could use some wider shots here to establish the location and where the characters are in relation to each other. The week deadline is pretty unforgiving so don't feel bad about not finishing! Maybe for next time you could "start with the ending" so to speak. Generally it's much easier to tell what's happened before than what happens after!
Otherwise this is a great show of your comic-y prowess and I'm excited to see more of your work in the future!
For as self indulgent as this comic is i think you at least did a good enough job of making the story and dialogue not rely on tooo much stuff outside the main draw of the comic. The plot was pretty easy to digest once you get past any of the characters not immediately involved and i dont really think they took too much away from this at all!
It had this unique feeling like, even tho there are things that would perhaps need to be read or understood beforehand, the story sets itself up and wraps itself up nicely for me to not really mind at all, it felt like a satisfying chunk of a narrative, the only real thing id even change would be having something more happen to Cloud Nine at the ball, that inspires the change in thinking that allows them to make the final decision to let their corporeal form go at the end, that little injected piece of characterization would add some agency to the character and go a long way in helping that part make sense
you have to have, to kill off your OWN CHARACTER IN A DEATH TOURNAMENT ON THE FIRST ROUND. That is some balls to the wall shit i love to see in these kinds of events and though the story felt like it could use more clarity in character posing, i really enjoyed that twist and would be interested to see how it would go down upon a Cloud Nine Victory.
Some of the critiques i have would be in regards to making sense of the space the characters inhibit, nailing posing down and not being afraid to zoom out on the characters to get them in a shot. Comics are all about clarity and if you can nail that then you'd be set for some fast paced improvement!
Told you this in Oculama general, but incase you needed a RERUN on what I think of you're comic >:(
@GIBJA but like a ghost i guess whats up you flat coloring FUCK! :blepp:
Great job on the comic NEEEEERD
Did your mom make you those page comps?
I bet you worked your ass off, despite being in two octs you fucking loser
Nice job putting in genuine effort as you continue to improve with every comic :lmao:
Trying to establish a complex character derived narrative utilizing your slowly grown cast of oculama ocs, while thoughtfully adding a cameo of my own OC? Ugh! :ugh:
Smell you later, Nerdddddddddddd :wheeze:
This comic is definitely the epitome of short but sweet! I can definitely feel either you had to rush the end or something came up that might've held you up making it, but even then you've got some very nice use of a pink color palette going on, and entertaining paneling! You've got a good handle for pacing all things considered for 5 pages, as well as great action! Gotta repeat that your colors in the first few pages were an absolute delight, and those spot blacked sunglasses were sinister! Overall love what you did, and if you win, I can't wait to see more of what you can do with Cloud 9 and those phenomenal pinks!