Oculama

Being the sole new addition to the site and the tournament was always going to put you in an interesting little box. Frankly, you knocked this one out of the park. The setting of the long dusty road and the bus was very fun and the character interactions was well done. You really gave us a great introduction prior round with Caz, but given this is Caz "outside of the vacuum" of the intro comic, you really gave us a good taste of how wild, violent, and noble they are. No complaints on that. It's a fantastic first round story.
Artistically, your paneling is stellar. Your expressions and the expressiveness of the action was also stellar. You have a really good feel for action comics and you made this look awesome. The one thing that's not the most awesome is the backgrounds. Its super smart to have it take place in a vast, empty desert. However, even with a vast, empty desert, you could have had some shots with more bus wreckage and smoke coming from the bus (or fire). As it stands, the character action is what carried this around, but it was in a bit of a void. Hopefully the long and dusty road will get a few landmarks to them in future rounds to take advantage of.
This is more of an observation than a critique in of itself. Something to keep in mind for the next rounds if you move on. One of the difficulties of this tournament for you is definitely going to be the fact that all of their history is only known by some of the site's users. It's definitely hard to draw on these events and previous outside tournaments. For example, page 14's mystery woman! Is that from a previous tournament or someone who will be explained later? That'll be a bit of a balancing act to work with, since clearly you want to keep these outside events as part of their canon, but it'd be a shame to be alienating on stuff that only has the answer of "read this comic elsewhere" to get those answers. Still, it'd be foolish to not have faith you can do this, especially based on what you've done so far. You've done tremendously this first round. If you move on, you're definitely going to be the one to beat this tournament. Keep up the terrific work! Be proud!

This might be the best comic you've done on the site so far. Your story is pretty solid and you have a lot of good characterization going on. Artistically, your anatomy is looking improved here. The character bodies are stronger and the backgrounds are also stronger here.
You're still rushing a lot of aspects of this on the coloring front. Colored Pencils are a tricky medium, since they're a fine tip spread across broad real estate. You have instances of it not leaving behind big gaps of messy white spots. The left side of the final panel of Page 1, the ground of the final panel on Page 3. These parts where you fill in those white spaces look much better than everything else. You could also use your limited coloring ability in a different manner, going for something like what Ken Sugimori did for Pokemon Blue and Red. Being economical with your pencils might lead to stronger results possibly. Also, if you're intending to have white gutters for this, you should use some painter's tape. It's the blue one, it goes on easy and comes off easy. Since you're not using water colors or any inkwash, it shouldn't be too damaging to the paper.
In terms of the story, it's perfectly alright. You took Marybelle in an interesting direction. That being said, you end it a little abruptly with Music's death and it feels like there's not a nice close out for the story? Just Music's dying body feels like it's lacking a bit. Something where Marybelle reacts to seeing them dead, looking over her armies razing the world, that sort of thing would be probably help the impact. Still, perfectly alright as it is.
Hopefully you continue to work hard and improve where you're at. Good work.

What a relief we got this comic. Its very clear why you panicked, because this was very lovely. Probably the most lovely looking comic from you in a while - especially with those environmental details. The coloring was really nice. Simple on the characters, but there was a lot of depth to see, again, in the environmental details.
The story was very interesting. Leaning on the alternative "was that me" aspect is something that would be very interesting to explore, especially since this Music is very mousey! It does bring up an interesting questions that hopefully can be answered in the future. The character interactions were terrific and everyone felt very well represented. Nothing even comes to mind for improvement - this is a great first intro. Really, more would have been about it. That being said, you used your 3 weeks well! Hopefully you're happy with it, because you should be! Excellent work!

Man, impressive level of polish on those pages! The color slowly fading out helps add to the mood of the piece, it makes the blood really stand out at the end, and makes Music's trip off down the river feel super melancholy. I love the battle ballet, and how that's just what Music slips into instinctually, it's very clear she's a dancer and those action pages must have been fun to draw! I thought you did a good job with your opponents, though I'd say Marybelle really shines here, with the video game references and you know, the violence. It feels more like Caz is just also there. One minor quibble, I'm not sure what happened in panel 7 of page 8 there, I'm thinking some video game thing showing Marybelle died? Otherwise, awesome work! Maybe one day Music will have something nice happen to her :(

I love Caz, what a fun character! Your comic oozes style, and at 16 complete pages? Wild. Great work. The limited palette and some of the simpler panels helped manage your time, I'm sure, but this is impressive. Your pages are clean, and all of the action is super easy to follow. Your lettering, too, oozes style! The hand drawn sound effects are really, uh....... effective! And I love your use of dialogue. Caz is funny, but having Music to bounce off of (her not understanding Caz's slang was hilarious) and then dramatic Marybelle coming in, they all balanced each other out nicely, and had distinct personalities.Everything in your comic worked together well, it's the kind of comic that reminds me why comics are cool.Hopefully Music finds a better sheath for that anime sword though, the arm thing seemed unpleasant.

Man, this comic is *fun*. Marybelle as this isekai magical girl reality traveling supervillain is great. I love when people make their character the villain of the story. 12 pages full color is nothing to sneeze at either, and I think the colored pencils, while maybe a bit distracting in some part, really work with your lineart and give your pages a lot of energy and life. I think there's a lot of weird anatomy and perspective things going on in some pages, and that stuff gets fixed with time and practice, but the shapes you use help to convey action! Like the mouse guy on the bottom of page 3, he looks a little wonky, but I love the energy, and his arm coming forward really helps sell the movement. Your whole comic feels rough but in a fun chaotic way. I think it could help to try inking instead of just using pencils, it could help make your word bubbles less jarring. The BLACK black crisp digital lines on the bubbles stand out with the lighter, looser pencil linework. It could also help to vary your lineweights a bit more, to help make things a bit more clear where you would want it. Looking at Caz fighting Marybelle's minions on page 5, sometimes it's hard to tell where the knights end and the fire begins. Good work though, this was a fun read!

Shen - Music's dumb luck strikes again XD. Wow! This comic turned out really well. The quality is superb and I love all the details you were able to put in (not to mention the colors). I like how you incorporated the river of Styx in your entry. It is very fitting with the theme. Glad to see Music adapt a new fighting style as well (or maybe she had it in her all along). This is a very strong round entry for you. Great job and best of luck!

Sal - This comic was such a fun thrill ride and the bus did not even leave! Your art style is so striking with the rough, angled edges. it really fits well with the story you're telling and the fight scenes. The in-your-face, extreme angles in some of the panels amped up the impact of the action. I also love how effectively you were able to show the contrast between Music, Marybelle and Caz and gave them all a pivotal role in the story. Overall, a job well done!

Mr-Apotheosis - I like the alternate reality you created here. I think it fits Marybelle's new afterlife! Seeing her 'thriving' like this is honestly a scary thing to see lol. I really wasn't expecting the sudden turn of events. from whimsy to apocalyptic within the snap of a finger. I am not sure what coloring tool you used but I would suggest investing in maybe markers to fill in the gaps. I did like your color choices though!

MWAH MWAH MWAH, thats the sound of me kissing my fingers like some sort of french art snob. This is some fucking POLISHED work. You're work is always so well done, sometimes I forget just how good it can be since you're always moving or in some other life event. It's some truly primo stuff. You had great use of backgrounds and colours changing to match the mood. The ending pages shift towards blue and the coldness of the others going down below the waves. Really strong stuff. It's a very simple plot, you aren't doing anything crazy with it but it's done effortlessly and to great degree. This is truly a fantastic comic and made for one hell of an incredibly close first round. GREAT WORK SHEN!

(Side note as i'm writing this the Music banner keeps popping up and jeeez. You make it hard not to give her a billion score to just see more of the banner HAHA)

Let's see here. Australian lingo. Check. Violence, Check. uhhhh fucking stellar polished amazing linework? Check. Must be a Sal comic. Your linework is out of this world. You have only gotten better and better with your style and hot damn does it get tastier and tastier every time I see it. You set your story up in a world without needing a background which works, but you sly dog, I want to see them backgrounds of yours! While your art is veryyyy well done I think the actual standout here is your writing. Having Caz FUCKING Turner unshieth the sword from their arm is a divine choice that I will remember for awhile. (Partly cause I dont want to deal with that mangled arm, but I know Caz will only get worse if shes allowed to move forward).

A real standout of a comic in the first round. Amazing job on this. HOT DAMN!

I do believe this is your most complete and definitely most ambitious comic I have seen from you. Great to see the improvement from your previous comics. There's some better aspects of action in this and theres some strong work there with your colouring, but alot can still be made to improving. As someone who mainly deals with colours and considers themselves a colourist I think theres two things you could do that would greatly enhance your comics.

1. You need a thicker pen to ink your comics. You have a very toony style and the smaller line weight doesnt play into your style, if you used a thicker tip, maybe even a marker and got some bolder lines it would pop more and look very nice.

2. You gotta focus on your colouring and take your time with it to blend your colours. As of right now there's a sense of fundamentals and it can work out as a starting point but there's alot of times when it comes off as scribbling and throws off the action in panels. I would suggest looking into artists who use coloured pencils or crayons which I assume youre using and copy the techniques that they do.

You'll get better faster and get your own style out of it. Nice work on this comic. Excited to see more growth in the future.

You are in your element here with your colors and panel composition. It's so subtle I almost miss it, but the changeover to the bright greens as a nod to your Death games opponent into the somber blues and shocks of red for blood is just chefs kiss. You're one of the artists I know who manages to tell two tales with your color story- I super dig.
Also I am here for Music pulling out the full regalia of dance attack moves. It's also great you don't take yourself too seriously despite the theming. Caz using her as a pokemon got a good chuckle from me only for me to be emotionally whiplashed alongside our poor protagonist as she see's her opponents sink to a watery grave. Her grave? their grave? The dissonance is rife in these pages and I for one am here for this poor dormouses journey of trying to get her head on straight.
I've fallen into the classic blunder of being left with an open ended ending. Where is she sailing to? I hope you make it to the next round for us to find out.

This was such a ramp up to your previous comic work which is exciting to see. You are playing with varying angles, punching up scenarios so they are more impactful as opposed to just talking heads panel to panel. It's great to see the progress and in a tournament of all places! :D Your coloring is still haphazard and the quality of your scan needs some fine tuning ,but it is admittedly MUCH better than it was when you started out. I would shop around for a font that fits your style. Possibly font with some tooth and almost hand drawn' quality to it so that it matches your comic pages. A crisp clean word bubble with polished font stands out in an odd way in your work.
Marybelle, death has changed you. I'm fascinated with this reinvention and newfound delusion. You've hooked me as to where this could go if we get a chance to get into her head

Music too adorable to die. Methinks Caz might be something of a softie for a pretty face.
Welcome! This is my first taste of your comics and its thrilling to see you swan dive right into a death tournament! :D I feel that even without reading anything else, reading your round affords us a great snapshot of who Caz is and they're about. A rough and tumble character who isn't afraid of tussling in the dirt and despite the grit has charm to boot. I am dazzled by your fight choreography and the level of grisly consequence going bare knuckled brawl against someone with a sword. The sequence where Caz has their whole forearm sheathed with a broadsword is something i have never seen in a comic fight and lemme tell you, that is gonna stick with me.
I also super appreciated how expertly you weaved the Death Games events and married them to elements of Caz's own backstory. It makes it feel like Caz has always been there and struggling out of the mire of their own shadowed backstory. Killing your opponent isn't a requisite for this tourney since they're all already dead, and leaving a survivor in Music I think is a great testament to Caz's character.
It's wonderful to see your work here- can't wait to see more!

Colorful work! Even got moodier lighting in the second half of the comic. The blood trails in the water are also quite striking. The dialogue is amusing and plays well with the characters but i did get the feeling Caz only "almost" did something decisive besides taking someone into the grave while Marybelle gets the primary antagonist hat and music getting those ominous VHS memory playbacks and slick dance moves. But at least Caz has a good head on his shoulders.

As for the environment i do appreciate the environmental hazards presented by the river of the dead, sort of ties the whole place together.

oh dang, a direct followup from the previous comic and with room for callbacks stretching back 4 years i can nearly put my fingers on? Now that's dedication i recognize even if don't get all of it.
While Music didn't get up to much besides chat and driving the bus she did serve as an intriguing mirror into Caz' mind and as a dialogue partner for Caz. I do get the vague feeling there's a missed opportunity for dialogue between Marybelle and Music but maybe that wasn't inside the pacing budget.

The paneling is varied and interesting while still being clear cut and i like the coloration on Caz speech bubbles. You do a great job at selling Caz not having much restraint when it comes to life or death situations. Really appreciate the use of what an opponent like Marybelle brings to the table as well.

Not every day you see big crowds and a big fight illustrated. Especially on physical paper. I like the framing of Music sort-of-reincarnating into a mouse dimension to explain her changes. The page by page action has decent follow through so no worries about getting lost.

Caz' defiance is quite fun to see but i don't think there's much establishing what he's doing in the city in the first place besides raising an alarm and picking fights. Was there something about this city that made it a better place for him to flee to or was it his only choice?

The "finishing touch" on Music was a bit of an abrupt end. Less so in the method of killing but more so in how the comic ends right there.

The colors and art in this is amazing. I'm always amazed by how consistent your art is when it's fully complete. The posing was another highlight which shows me you did your research when it comes to a dancing character and you didn't let that part of her fall to the wayside. It's a little hard to decipher what your plans with Music are at this point. Is there two versions of her or did she change completely when she died? I'm all for multiple timeline theory but I feel like if you put that into your comic I wish it was explained a little bit more.

That was some crazy action there! The whole comic felt like one big ride from start to finish, but somehow still finding room to breathe with some regular dialogue moments. The way you dole out sound effects is really unique and I'm planning on returning to this comic to study that more. The limited color palate is a classic OCT timesaver and you pulled it off well. Your characterization was enjoyable as well, Caz was a standout.

While the art isn't the cleanest, the passion is there. It was entertaining watching Marybelle be a curb stomping tyrant, though admittedly, I feel like I got that three fold from this round. This comic definitely had the stakes scaled the highest, starting right out the gate with massive catastrophic destruction. The interactions, while a bit short, were good. Marybelle feels a little mysterious still but I do like the premise of her character and I think you portrayed her well in that regard.

the first thing that always pulls me in about your comics is how colorful and honed your artstyle is from the backgrounds to the characters you have clear mastery of making characters and the environment they operate in stand out. I think its really cool to see you dip into(hehe puns) slightly more gritty/darker tone of storytelling than the at most morbidly humor stuff of the past! while still managing to keep music feeling like a sane person dealing with hardened/crazy combatants! I also really liked the dance fight sequence and turner managing to make music fight like a pokemon was really fun! o I am a bit sad didnt get to explore more of whats going on with the river and such but I assume its the greek mythology version so land of the dead and all that. I think Turner was probably the only one not used as much as possible but I think that fits here for the brief meeting, as it felt like this was just an intersection for all the characters instead of a conclusion. well done!

SAL OMG YOU HAVE GOTTEN SO VERY VERY GOOD AT ACTION! I FRIGGIN LOVE IT! But not only that youve done some really cool character bio/power usage and potrayed the cast as fully fleshed out continuations mainly for Music as I dont know much about marybelle but Turner I have seen through multiple octs and her journey is always cool to see and this work well as another interchangable pick up from any of her other comics which I do love so much. the strengths of this comic definitely come from how well you characterized musics struggle with dying and purpose for it and coupled that with the raw destructive force of marybelle and her arsenal for a great emotional yet very action packed comic! absolutely wonderful work

I didnt quite get the revived isekai gamer vibes from marybelle I thought I was gonna get throughout the comic but overall she had a strong showing. I think more usage of music was probably the way to go as she didnt really seem to do much in the situation as a whole and felt like more of marybelle vs turner and then when she got dispatched with haste music was done in even faster. overal still a solid comic just needing a bit more story to go with the mayhem and destruction