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Comic completed on September 15th 2022

johannhawk

Weirdington - Oh yes a fun chase scene. 🤌 Love the goat too.

Xeno - Yummy setup for their confrontation 👀

Prometheus

a deciduous lick~

At Least 3 Whole Goblins

LETS GOOOO!!!

Pepper

Good luck to both of you!

johannhawk

Hype hype hype!

Excited to see what the blend of these characters mix up into.

Rivana

FIRST OCULAMA NON-TOURNEY BATTLE! LET'S GOOOOO!

Voting is closed.

Overall, I want to say 11 pages in 6 days is one impressive feat! Nice Job on that! that is a very intensive challenge! I think the thing that stands out to me to most with this comic is that you have some very strong action sense. Very dynamic and exciting posing! It's really fun to read and look at! Otherwise, some things to keep in mind for future comics perhaps some more consistency with your lettering and world bubbles. Some are really spaced out and some become really cramped it can get hard to read, along those same lines is your page layouts. Some panels are getting really cramped and you are losing clarity on the story because of it.

But overall it was a fun read! I look forward to more comics!

It was very fun to watch you work on this and even more so to read. You had a good sense of story pacing. You also have real good voice for harper, her dialogue seems to come very easy for you. The only thing that stands out to me is while I understand it was only a 6 day battle, I think a little more time defining the background would have helped. They got a little lost in translation with the story later on, it didn't feel like it was happening in a city and could have been placed anywhere. But otherwise, solid job! I look forward to seeing what shenanigans harper gets up to in Junction and oculama.

WEIRDLING- You know, despite the sketchy nature of your work Your first couple pages portray the feel and size of a cityscape well. I dig your unique shapes and fantasy influences to your architectural design. It makes for a nice change of pace outside of just rectangles and squares. I do notice that as we go along in your tale, the backgrounds and environments take more of a backseat until they just aren't there entirely. It makes for confusing reading when we get to page five and we really don't have a scope for the stakes of the situation. How high up are they? Is this a risky maneuver, or was it barely an inconvenience?

I do love the log idea used to wrap up these adventures. I think you can find a more uniform way of depicting these accounts (or maybe the collage of scrap pieces of paper is intentional? To show she moves around?) and perhaps find a spot to pump the brakes. You throw ALOT at the reader by way of story and lore. It shows you're excited! You wanna get these things down. But at the end of the story, on the last page, too much leaves us with too many questions that simply aren't answered in the comic we get. Sometimes less is more.

XENO- Gotta love seeing your world building with fellow Oculama cameos. :D

Your inks definitely bring weight to your scenes and actions, and its clear you love drawing your character. You go into hyper detail depicting all their intricate bits and bobs. but once we get debris, speedlines, movements and clothing detail I think it gets too busy for the eye. I'd suggest inking just enough to get the main ideas across and portraying the rest with values or grayscale. You have what appears to be the sketch layer visible from what I notice- that can double as your tones to add more depth and even spot blacks to block out your figures from your background elements.

I do love what you did with your opponent .The tech Harper whips out was a fun design and paired well with causing abject chaos alongside Iraja. What a blowout explosion of action page to page!

Weirdington - This was such a fun read. Harp's larger than life personality and affinity for chaos made me even love her more. I just wish we'd seen a more finished art from you though because your sketches are really good. Very dynamic and love the energy in them. Maybe a collab is another endeavor to try on the site one day if having to do a full blown finished comic feels like a daunting task atm. Overall, this was a blast. Harp and Iraja/Mehira were such cool characters to see together and you managed to take advantage of the differences in their personalities to give us an exciting encounter.

Xeno - you gave us one epic adventure between these two. I love your inks by the way. That first page and the way you drew the draping of the cloak on page 4 is so nice. Iraja's entrance is so epic I really wish I'd seen it in color. There are a few typos here and there on the comic so a proofreading/script spell check is something I will also suggest if you could afford the time for next time :) I love the story you presented to us and the blackmailing at the end was a hilarious way to end this encounter haha. Gosh, I just can't help but imagine Harp babysitting Mehira and wonder how Iraja is going to deal with that (I think she can handle both. She's such a badass).

I really enjoy the lighthearted and nostalgic/childhood-like touch to the writing where the hero is a child with a strong warrior as a parental figure backing them up and the villain sounds kind of like the cheesy villain 80's type but with their own twists, of course, which I really love!

However, the thing that bothers me a bit is, obviously, some of the unclear sketches which makes me unsure of what's going on in some of the panels, such as when they're falling down and some of the ones forward on. I figured you may've had been in a hurry or something but a little clarifying wouldn't hurt!

Honestly, I feel like this is actually quite amazingly good because of how witty and weird (in a good way, of course, I love weird) it feels. Not too dark but not too kiddie-ish, either. Great for when I need a good, less stressful read.

I like how clear the sketches are, despite the fact you stated that you're in a hurry, Xeno! Really well done on that. And not to mention I'm also invested in how well you drew the intricate clothing designs. You also have killer anatomy skills, right there. Keep it up!

However, I'm a bit confused (maybe it's just me, so feel free to correct me in chat) because why did the cult stuff happen, exactly? It seemed a bit out of nowhere- I know I just got here but there has to be some sort of a smooth transition at the beginning that would allow for new readers to get into or something like that, you feel?

Well, either way, I still love your work very much, also because I'm a fan of dark stuff. So, give more and I shall consume!

A fun story. Definitely a solid introduction to Harp Floyd and a good little set up. I'm curious if this will end up being a one-off or if there will be more that develops from this plot. Your pacing and panel layouts were also very nicely done. You have a very solid eye for how to setup and placement of your environments. You have a lot of fantastic posing and gestures behind your work, very natural looking in your motions and a lot of very good expression work on everyone. Your action looked pretty good, too!

The main conceit is that, it's unfinished and sketchy. You clearly have a lot of talent and there is a very real difference when someone who doesn't know what they're doing is sketching as opposed to someone who does. Ideally next time, you'll be able to flex your art muscles a little harder. However, if I'm misreading this and you do decide to go with this "pencil work", I would say try to clean them up a little more if you can.

Still, this was a really good first showing! I really enjoyed the comic, can't wait to see what you do next time. Good work!

Very solid work on your part. That page 5 pose is ambitious and turned out quite nice. You've got a lot of detail happening with a lot of this comic and I thought you handled your action pretty well this comic. Your story was quite nice as well, funny how you both ended up with a heart theme (maybe you both agreed it ahead of time) but I really liked the connective tissue between your stories as a result, but your cult revival was a very interesting take on it.

Your word bubble placement is very difficult to make sense of the longer the comic went on for. There's a fundamental lack of flow to them and it seems in a lot of places you had to squish the sentences in to make it work. This is something that I am not sure if it is the overtime that ate your time or if this is just a part that you need some more experience with. Either way, I would recommend reading some more comics to get a good basis and see how it's done for comparison sake. In the future, I advise utilizing more solid blacks to help eat up some of the space. Can make a very large difference if you're cut for time.

This was a very fun comic, Iraja has grown on me a little bit more with this one! I'm very excited to see what you do next on here! Good work!

Coming out the gates strong! This is such a fun and concise little encounter between these two. Good characterization of the two in their limited time here, the Abbera's as they show up and interact with each other 'on the job' persay, and Harpers coming in strong further in. Good sense of panelling and a good eye for where the focus and detail should be in each panel. I would suggest trying to use blocks of value for your backgrounds to strengthen them but keep them simple. I'd also love to see a solo comic of Harper that has the same vibe/theme of that journal entry page! We love an outlaw with a heart of gold.

Holy action packed comic Batman! This might be the most action packed comic I've seen on the site yet! Some real good action shots and poses here (That page of Iraja coming down through the ceiling!) as well as some really fun faces in the closeups. The fake out of the fake out was also a fun twist in the plot. You've done some interesting layouts that are intriguing but I think could benefit from a bit better speech bubble placement/ leading of the eye as I found myself reading the speech bubbles in the wrong order on a few pages.

Writing: Your story is very concise, it's self-contained and it ends in something that easily opens potential for both characters. Without knowing who either character is from the get-go, you convey the 'gist' of both 'players' pretty well. It's easy to follow who's who, and it's easy to see who's the main character of the story. Your story has a lot of time to breathe, due to the panel count. I think you could easily have put more text and smaller interactions into your story, just as well as you could have added more big scenes with less text. Your story works very well as it is, but it feels rather minimalistic... Some moments in your story are a little too slow, I think, which comes from your panels-per-page ratio.

Artwork: I find your art looking sketchy. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I'd like to see a comic from you in the future with a tighter visual look. Your simple panelling really works to make the story easy to follow, and your lettering is really nice. Higher contrast, perhaps some tones and spotblacks, could really elevate your art style, without necessarily requiring you doing tighter lineart. With your art style, I think you can easily work with a higher panel count per page. I'd almost describe your pages as 'sparse' - they're not, but your panels are very large without necessarily needing to be.

Your lettering looks nice. I don't have much comments on that, other than perhaps make your sound effects (and other non-word bubbles) stand out more, to match your characters' speech.

Writing: Your story is very ambitious, and I give you kudos for that. 11 pages is a long comic. That being said: a lot happens. And I think it's too much to cram into 11 pages. The whole comic feels incredibly high-paced, no beat truly gets a moment to settle before the reader is dragged along to a new plot beat. I think you could benefit from condensing your stories to only contain the minimum amount of words per page.

Artwork: In spite of the long deadline, your art looks a little unfinished in places (perhaps due to your page count?). I think it looks nice, it generally reads well, but the sketchy lines paired with your panelling makes the comic hard to follow. You could also benefit from adding a bigger untouched border around your pages - I think making your panel borders thicker in general will help your readers. Look at professional comics - you'll see it immediately. Like your opponent, I think you can benefit from stronger contrasts and toning your work.

I think, at the very least, you need to work on your lettering. Your speech bubbles look messy when your text bits are chopped the way that you do, and you have a lack of punctuation that makes it hard to follow what is going on.

You have a lot of ambition; this is good. You just need to catch up with your goals. I was very confused reading your story, which is most of the reason for your score.

the sketchiness of both of these comics gives this almost a certain energy to both comics that I actually quite appreciate, the energy and readability still comes through and i dont recall feeling lost at all from any point in the story! The writing in this is rather fun and i love the sequence of them in the air, this is an expressive comic with good page economy and nothing feels too cluttered or crowded. Good stuff weirdington! great steps from the Rayuba days! The characterizations are very enjoyable to read, and i feel that if you could nail a smoother style, or lean into the scratchy expressiveness of the sketches, these comics would be a clean read from start to finish!!

Like i said above, the energy in both of these comics as a result of the sketchier style lend this battle an almost unique feel, one of the only disparities I feel matter in this one is that some of the sketchier lines in this comic aren't as readable, and combined with some of the clutter the word bubbles add to the page result in a comic that was held back in a couple of ways. Some of the page layouts didnt lead the eye too well, and with the sketchier style came the absent of good distinguishing lineweights, which i feel would help your style immensly with all the lavish detail you look to include. But on the whole this comic felt like a great episodic adventure of an Angry Mama bear having to clean up a mess before seeing her kid and i absolutely adore the anding sequence with Abbera getting the case back by what is essentially a stern talking to.

Great intro for your character and a classic setup! I'm really liking a lot of the posing and overall composition of the early pages despite some of the unfinished parts. Based on the sketches it looks like some of the panels would have had some great cityscape backgrounds and it's unfortunate that you weren't able to finish them. Writing wise I think the story is very compact and works well, however the last page crams in a lot of exposition around your character that feels a little disconnected from the rest of the story. That being said I think Harper has a ton of personality and potential that shines through and I'm excited to see more of her

Big fights are always cool to see and this one is full of style! You have a lot of big sweeping attacks in this that are very cool and they give a lot of personality to the fight. That being said I think some of the text placement and the way it's positioned on the pages detracts from the fight itself and can sometimes make it hard to know which way to read the pages. I found pages 7 and 11 especially hard to follow. Try to make sure that you're giving the text enough space within each word bubble that they're not extending past the borders. I think you've got the foundation of an absolute banger fight here but there's some minor polish you could do that would really help tie it all together.

I really enjoyed the writing in this one, a lot of the character interactions were really fun to read and it was a good amount of text that really put a lot of the comic into perspective and I thought what was there was a lot of fun, but it was really hard to see a lot of the action, perhaps taking more time to really clean up what is there would help a ton to make the comic read more smoothly because from what I can see it a lot of fun and I like your takes on characters.

I liked the perspective on this comic and seeing this hyst from both your opponents perspective at the start, then switching mostly to focusing on the cult leader, followed by your own character coming into the picture was a lot of fun to see and a good set up for this comic, but I was left confused by a lot of the action near the end and I really couldnt keep up with a lot of it sadly, but your art and expressions were fairly on point over all a solid comic keep it up and maybe work of framing the action a little better in the future!