Oculama

This one is a bit fun, but that's about all I can say about it.
It's very basic, and it feels like, despite his limited role in it, the other comic characterizes Mute much better and more clearly. The art is quite stiff and flat, though Laurie does have some excellent faces in this.
I see what you were going for with Mute's silent kills and writing in blood, it could have conveyed a real sense of menace if you handled it a bit better, but it feels a bit basic in execution.

Your art is slightly awkward, but that's about all I can say to the detriment of this comic.
The dialogue between Mute and the unknown conversationalist is excellently written, and serves to excellently foreshadow and provide counterpoint to Laurie's silent side of the comic, and his eventual demise.
It's just an excellently constructed dance of words and plot, both working in parallel, but in unison.
I also have to give you credit for your use of full color and your detailed backgrounds.

I think your art style really compliments the characters/OCT theme here: It's got this cool grittiness and texture and detail that really feels like a crime thriller. The color and shading is also great and really contributes to the mood. There's a few places where the perspective is a bit wonky and it took me a little bit to get that the panels with Mute talking to his handler were flashbacks? But that's pretty minor.
I think you did a great job with giving each character a unique personality/voice! My one writing critique is that I think you could have pushed the "chopped up voice clips" angle a little harder- Mute is kind of speaking normally with different voices? But that's a tough thing to pull off in a non-audible medium. Really creative use of the various pests, I especially liked the bug aiming ring. Great job!

Really clean lines and you did a great job of making the action clear and easy to read what's happening! I also think you did a great job with the expressions. I really like Laurie's face on page 4 and Mute's expression after he gets shot. I would suggest that, especially for action scenes like this, you might want to use the enviroment/backgrounds more- Knocking over objects in the room or using the terrain to do cool moves can add some extra spice. I also like how you put effort into using interesting camera angles and different shots!
The way Mute speaks is really creative and creepy! I also like how you give both characters the chance to do some cool stuff, the battle never feels too onesided. I think you have a good handle on pacing and keeping the action flowing. One criticism is that I feel like Mute is kind of hard to pin down tonally- Sometimes he's spooky and intimidating, sometimes he's kind of goofy and funny. That can work, but it's hard to pull off, and it might be easier to focus more on really driving home one side of the character. Good comic!

This is a very professional looking comic. I’m absolutely floored by the quality of this submission. The way the story is told is well done, and i liked the cameo of other characters. This is a high quality piece that i don’t have very much to nit pick. Outside of not really understanding the conflict between opponents. Beautifully made comic. Unfortunately i need to have more words here to fill the space, so i need to keep writing a few more words so i can hit submit.

I feel like there could have been more in the time allotted than presented. But i do like the pacing of the overall comic. I do wish i could have learned more about the characters it got a better sense of how this situation came about. Overall it’s not a bad comic, but i think more could have been presented. Shading, maybe a little more in the bg department. I liked the final fight a lot.

Dude this is a really strong start! Great looking comic from start to finish!

Really nice layouts and your coloring really worked here. I also enjoyed your backgrounds quite a bit.
I thought your build up and pacing throughout the comic worked really well.
The only thing that comes to mind is Im not exactly sure who are narrators are and it took me a second read through to understand that the "jaw" they were referring to, is I'm assuming someone Mute killed previously?

But that didn't detract too much from the comic and I overall feel this was a really solid submission. Well done and looking forward to more!

A fun and simple first comic to get the ball rolling!
I thought your panel work and layouts worked pretty well in this comic, and your word bubble placement was good too.
The biggest thing that stood out to me is your backgrounds,while the perspectives were good, I think a little more detailing would have helped with clarity on what was happening. It took a double check to make sure what was going on. It helped having that establishing panel in the first comic to understand they were on the roof top, but other panels looked like it could have just been happening in an empty room.

Thank you so much for the comic and I look forward to seeing more from you!

It's a VERY straightforward showdown comic and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Mute's use of the corpse to tease Laurie, the lil "are you a doctor?" after Laurie shot out his knee was fun, and I PARTICULARLY liked the explanation of why Mute was just not touched by Laurie; bugspray and rodent repellent. It was a fun explanation! I had a good time!

But at the same time it became a little hard to parse the last two pages, which is particularly problematic when that's meant to be how Laurie finally bites it. It felt a lot like you were running out of time for the end of the comic, and you needed to put something together quickly. It's a shame because up to that point I was very much enjoying myself. I genuinely felt like I had missed a page but no there's just a shot outside.

And I think an implied death is a good idea! It would have left some ambiguity up until we get the reveal of who lived and who died. But I still think you made a solid showing.

The buildup really makes this one.

Ledge's style lends itself REALLY well to the grit and grime of the city, and the little hidden critters and, well, vermin in the corners just hidden off to the side really emphasize the title of the comic itself. This is a panopticon. Laurie sees all.

YOU ARE NOT SAFE.

Mute's characterization as an experienced killer as he talks to an unsee handler was also just a fantastic way to both build up Laurie's menace while still giving him plenty of really entertaining character beats (the mixed fonts was particularly fun).

Honestly it's really hard to find much to critique. Everything just comes together INCREDIBLY well in this particular joint. Favorite moment was the end, because of how WELL it all just came together.

The colors are well chosen this comic. They have such a warm tone that it helps really set the scene this is all taking place. Your line art is also looking very strong in this comic, your solid blacks leading into dark and smokey panels is a really great choices. In terms of story, it would have been nice to get some interaction from Laurie, since she seems like an interesting character - however, this round does a nice job building up her "mythos" and that is also nice. Another solid comic from you - great work!

Seeing new blood in the site is always a welcome event, so first off - welcome. Really can't wait to see you produce more comics on here. The ambition you displayed with the action and everything else with this comic is admirable. Punching above your weight in terms of what you may or may not be able to accomplish is how you start getting good at what you want to accomplish. With the action you made for this comic, that is what is happening here. While there's certainly many good spy comics and movies out there, it would probably be worth your while to read up and study some solid action scenes and fights. A good tip is even video games! Depending on the kind of acrobatic martial arts you wanna draw, looking at fighting games or something like Batman is probably a great start for getting some posing for this sort of character. On a more simple means of improvement, while you utilized red for blood, some more shades of grey to help distinguish characters from background would have done a lot for your comic! Still, excited to see you around and excited to see you do more! Good work!

LOVE your inks. Your coloring really affords some grit and personality to your comic that I fully appreciate which is pretty disarming since your primary color you're leading with is pink. Pink for such a theme and tourney is inspired in my opinion. You did not have to go that hard detailing that garbage with the staining, nor the lock on the first page, or even the disarray of rooftop refuse as we get into it but I love that you did XD
If there's one thing I'm thoroughly impressed by its your detail. I had to read your comic twice and wondered "did you even draw your character?" only to realize she's so one with all the garbage on the roof that I laughed at how peak her camouflage is- even to me!

While this comic is simple I think the ensuing story matches the goal you set forth in what you meant to tell from start to finish. I feel the deadline may of rushed the overall quality, but 9 pages in two weeks is pretty impressive. I think you have the beginnings of some great unsettling moments with the themes of this tourney, so if I had any notes, I'd recommend pushing some spot blacks to not only round out your paneling, but enhance your inkwork so its less 'thin' if that makes sense.

oh boy! I love your ability to setup a very real and complete feeling world and your many different perspectives and angles to build the city for this amazing sniper showdown! starting from the very beginning I love the choice of gradient you used adds a very breaking bad Mexico-ques tint feel to the start up and tone to the gritty city setting add to the opening with using the words panels to compliment moving from place to place for Mute to get he info and retrieve his weapons leads amazingly well to building up for the audience to get a feel for how dangerous and lethal he is while doing an amazing job of setting up for the twist that the person telling the story could be referring to either of these great snipers. and very well done on the zoom out perspective of laurie using her powers in a practical way that until I saw it in action wasnt even thinking could be used for long range like that! the gotchu at the end made me chuckle. I think the only thing I would critique and its not a mark against its just something I would have wished for was them having a bit more of a battle not that its needed since I think the great thing about sniper fights is really the play up to small mistakes that lead to one beating the other. again amazing comic and solid performance all around!

I very strong solid first showing! as a nice foil to your opponent I like that you did a battle where your character had t deal with Laurie's very cool and unique use of bugs with a funny and practical answer of bug spray lol. the fight itself is pretty good and I enjoy the close combat aspect of the duel but I do think its a bit quick of a cut away but like your opponents I think the lead up to the confrontation is the more about the lead up to the fatal error and I think you did that well so the abrupt end is fine! the only part I didnt quite grasp is mute asking if laurie is a doctor thats about it. great comic!

This was a really cool showcasing of your character and your opponent as well! I'm not usually used to quick one sided deaths but the build up to it more than made of for that. This felt like an intro comic in a good way, I'm invested in seeing what Laurie does next! The art is amazing and I especially love the color scheme you went with it complimented both characters very well. Great work!

While the art is a bit rough it was easy to follow and had a solid premise. The beginning was a little too abrupt and was the only really confusing part of the comic for me but once the story got into gear I didn't have an issue. Mute "speaks" so much in the comic that it feels too inconvenient for an assassin in his situation. In a combat scenario I figured he'd opt to stay quiet and only use the speaking device when necessary.